Do friends with benefits ever work out?

[Lorddenning1]

Have you got any happily ever stories regarding friends with benefits?

I have had one since October and the lines are becoming a little blurred now and I want to know if they can go further?

@Notacluethisxmas - she is currently giving him more access than the courts have said, it was meant to be around 4 hrs, then after a couple of weeks its 6 hrs etc, slow contact like that, but at the min, she wants to go out at the weekend and is asking him to have her overnight, and all the next day, so he is made up that she is allowing him more time, so he doesnt want to rock the boat and upset her, she said this wont be forever, but for now he doesnt want the drama of her falling out with him. he has said she is a good mum to his little girl but a bitch to him.

@BifsWif - this is me at the minute, i keep breaking it off, it goes a couple of days or weeks and then it starts up again.

guess there are quite a few mixed veiws on here and im even more confused now :(

No.

(Well they work out for the man - he gets sex without any of the responsibilities, obligations etc. he'd traditionally have to meet in a relationship.

(Or the costs he'd have to meet in a purely sexual relationship).

Well they work out for the man - he gets sex without any of the responsibilities, obligations etc. he'd traditionally have to meet in a relationship

They also work for women for exactly the same reasons actually

Resglitter in my experience and observation, the majority of women do not think or feel the same way about sex as men do.

We tend to suffer more from the oxytocin than they do.

The number of women I've comforted after casual sex/fwb didn't work out for them - many.

The number of men I've comforted after casual sex/fwb didn't 'go anywhere' - none (and not for lack of male friends).

"He wouldn't like it if I was sleeping with anyone else, so we are exclusive in that respect"

So HE has also agreed to not sleep with anyone else, right? Because this sounds very much like hes getting all the lovely bits of a relationship without any of the commitments or work that goes along with it.

Why do you so many of your friends get involved in situations they can't handle?

FWB can and does for many women. If the women know they can separate sex and emotion. Many people can't. That's men and women. You should know yourself well enough to know which camp you are in.

In your friends cases, It's less about FWB not working for women. It's the women involved aren't self aware enough to know it's not for them, or they ignore what the men are saying and believe they can make the men fall for them

Thats as maybe merville but that once again would indicate people going into it with different expectations from the other party. A successful FWB suits both parties and no-one gets used.

Ive been in one for almost 7 years. Suits me down to the ground. Were both getting fantastic sex without commitment but thats because were both on the same page

Id say you're among the minority of women Resglitter - most I know just catch feels and get hurt.

And there's seemingly a thread a day in here from women who are unhappy in their fwb arrangements.

(even if they go in with apparently matching expectations, women often seem to change their expectations after a while in the arrangement, they can't separate their feelings).

Thats my point though these women are not cut out for FWB arrangements. Most of the ones who post on here are people like the OP who ARE allowing the man to call the shots in the hope that in time itll lead to a conventional relationship.

I just resent the implication that FWB only benefits men or that men who have a FWB are somehow cheating or short changing their partner

The problem is many women don't know they're not cut out for fwb arrangements until they're in them and their heart (and mental health and self esteem) is taking a hammering. I find it wise to go with the assumption that you're probably not among the minority (ime) who are suited and save yourself the pain.

Ime fwb, mostly, does benefit just men.

Certainly they're only cheating/short-changing their partner if that partners expectations are different/change - but that, to come full circle, is what seems to happen with pretty much every woman I know.

I find it wise to go with the assumption that you're probably not among the minority (ime) who are suited and save yourself the pain

Id agree with that. A couple of my friends toyed with the idea of it because it works so well with us. I actually talked one out if it and the other realised straight away tgat ironically he wanted more than she did. Ge booked a hotel, posh dinner and theatre tickets for them. That was dead in the water before it started. She didnt want wined, dined and spoiled

Id have hated feelings to ruin my set up. I appreciate im probably in the minority but it absolutely can work for you both. As this morning proved to me 😉

Most of the ones who post on here are people like the OP who ARE allowing the man to call the shots in the hope that in time itll lead to a conventional relationship - Yep thats me.

Hi OP, I agree with others, it sounds like the tentative beginning of a conventional relationship rather than fwb.

All power to people who can handle a fwb setup. No way I could do it. The bonding hormones are waaay too strong.

The only advice I can give is to try to focus less on figuring out his intentions and desires, and instead work out what yours are. Like, do you enjoy going on dates with him? So go to Christmas markets and have fun. Are you looking for someone to have an actual relationship with? That's okay too. He may or may not want the same thing, but put it out there.

I think the ones that said he gets all the benefits without the commitment are right, we had plans to see each other tonight, but because sex is off the table, he said he wont be coming round now,,,
so yeah im out, im done, i will get hurt if i carry it on any further

Not read the thread but been seeing mine since May. Suits us both fine - regular meetings at his for a bit of the other and a cup of tea and a chat.

He sees other people and i theoretically would if i could be arsed and we're both happy with it and see no reason to change things.

Wow.

Sex is off the table so he's not going to come over now?

At least now you know this is not a normal empathetic person, no matter how charming he can be.

exactly, i have been overthinking every conversation and statements he has made, i guess going to the markets and cuddles on the couch did not blur the lines for him, just me, but him not coming round to mine now sex is off the table, is a very clear message.
at least i have learnt i cant do FWB, chalk it down to experience.

I read this completely wrong! I thought you wanted to know if we had friends receiving benefits and it they worked out at the gym 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

On a serious note, it's never worked out for me. Only really had one, the other was more of a fling. I always invested feelings and end up hurt. Unfortunately I associate sex with love/feelings. So hard for me to disconnect the two.

@Fashionista101 I bet you thought, what a strange thread, but interestingly do they go to the gym together lol :)
I don't think I'm cut out for it either, turns out tho I got the wrong end of the stick and it was a joke and he was coming round mine, Iv thrown a massive strop and binned him off so there u go.

Awhhhh no way! Men really are from Mars!

Oh no! But maybe he was coming round because he does want more than sex. Which I think you want too?