Do friends with benefits ever work out?

[Lorddenning1]

Have you got any happily ever stories regarding friends with benefits?

I have had one since October and the lines are becoming a little blurred now and I want to know if they can go further?

To be fair to him at that point you were only FWB. You felt it might be the start of something. But you hadn't discussed that with him.

Then you flipped. But until you had a conversation you were FWB.

It's ok to not be cut out for it ok.

just in case anyone wants an update, the was joking, but he did get a bit freaked out that it was moving to the next step but was still going to come round but this has sparked a bit of a where are we convo,
and top and bottom of it he doesn't want a relationship,
he likes me but doesnt want a girlfriend and i feel like if we had carried on, i would of fallen for him :( im so gutted

Virtual hug. I've totally been there, it's really awful isn't it because you wonder if you'd have carried on would they become ready for more. In reality, he's not worth it. When you know, you know and more importantly, he will know!

yeah i keep thinking, if i had kept my mouth shut and been laid back about it, would it of naturally developed and been something more, i dont think i was being fair on myself x

Or maybe not. You could be start here next year. Still no further along, him still not wanting a girlfriend and you in even deeper emotionally.

Thanks for that, and your right, even though i dont want the big relationship now either, i would of done in the future if we carried on, we were not on the same page.

No, there is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship and saying so! You weren't demanding that he marry you, you were letting him know that you wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.

He didn't want that, but he quite cruelly strung you along by saying maaaybe he'd want a relationship later.

Anyway the court custody drama is way too much baggage.

thanks for putting it into perspective, sometimes strangers telling u like it is helps you

yeah i keep thinking, if i had kept my mouth shut and been laid back about it, would it of naturally developed

It probably wouldnt have though & going into it thinking that is why so many FWB dont work. Be grateful he cares enough to be honest with you. Maintain what sounds like a good friendship & hoprfully now you csn be more open to soneone who can give you what you want & deserve 😊

I have put it back on, basically I haven't listened to anyone's advice.
Since then I have backed off a bit and not put any pressure on him and it's going ok.
We are now exclusive and we are arranging for him to spend the day with my parents and family. I do still think I like him more than he likes me though, I drunkenly told him that I was falling for him and he said don't start with all that so I still getting mixed messages of a fashion.
But I do think he doesn't like to talk about his feelings and he isn't overly soppy, we shall see how it goes

I've had three relationships and two of them started with Fwb, including my current one.

I'll tell you one thing OP... in my two examples, as soon as someone admitted feelings, the other was immediately ok with it even if they weren't quite there yet themselves, they were compassionate and tried to be kind about it. There was a very natural, gentle progression and if anyone felt a wobble, it was brief.

This guy doesn't sound kind at all tbh. I think you're heading for a fall. The whole arrangement sounds like one long emotional wobble for you. That means the "f" part of "fwb" isnt there, and that's not good.

he said don't start with all that
He's not really giving you mixed messages OP. He has told you he doesn't want a relationship with you. ime men who want a relationship with you never start off saying they don't. I'd move on because you will just get hurt.

I thought the fact he wanted to meet my parents (going to a race day) and the fact all his mates know about me too was mixed messages, surely it's more than FWB more like dating

Sorry, to hijack thread, but what do we mean by "friends with benefits"? Just for sex?

@RaisinClaw yes FWB sex without the commitment

Look at it this way OP - even if you were dating, if he said he doesn't want a relationship with you, then he doesn't. What you're doing is hoping he'll come around/change his mind. I have been there. I think these type of situations likely end up with you getting hurt.

You could hang in there and hope that you 'turn into' his girlfriend. But what you're going to end up with is, at best, a boyfriend who you don't think is really into you.

You deserve someone who adores you. I'd say work on your self esteem and only let people treat you how you want to be treated.

Yes, it did for us! It was supposed to just be a fling, because I was in my early 30's and he was early 20's. I just thought he was too young and he's only been out of the army for a year. We were completely honest with each other. No secrets. No trying to impress one another. Completely raw.
Then one day, it just happened. We kissed on the sofa for 6 hours until the early hours of the morning. It was the most erotic thing I had ever experienced and prior to this I had been a glorious slut in the past. Not to mention, we felt like we could tell each other anything without being judged.
So, we decided to make it official. He moved in 3 months after our first date, then 5 months after that we got married. We've been happily married for 15 years a share a beautiful life together with 3 obnoxious cats.

I´m afraid that you are wishful thinking. He has been very clear about what he wants and you are trying to wish your way into a relationship anyway. You are lining yourself up to get very hurt.

I probably sound delusional but do u not think all relationships dating etc come with a risk about being hurt, I was asked if he was worth the risk and the answer to that is yes :( I know u can probably all see this a mile off and think she is going to get hurt :(
Hopefully I may have an update on a years time and I will hopefully be happy with him, if not then I might be wiser and learn from this mistake

Sometimes me and my partner where just FWB and now we are engaged and have 4 beautiful children and 1 more on the way x

@tinytinker93 how did urs develop?

At the minute he is ok with meeting my parents, does this sound like a positive? Surely FWB don't do this?

I think he is giving you mixed messages. He is trying to play it 'cool' and is probably as keen as you but just wants to have the upper hand. It's all very well pretending that FWB is just a bit of fun that doesn't really matter - fine, then pull the rug from under him and remove the 'benefits'. If he's not going to stick with the 'friends' bit, why on earth should you provide the 'benefits' bit? There are umpteen men who would be more than happy with commitment-free sex and I am sure he does NOT have potential FWB queuing up at his front door. I guarantee you he does not in fact. He's just milking the fact that hes having his cake and eating it and you haven't cottoned on to the fact.

You, on the other hand, could indeed have a long line of FWB lining up IF YOU SO CHOOSE THAT.

Honestly, take some of the power away from him and consider replacing him with a few of your own, carefully chosen, FWB. Some of them might be more than happy to be much more if YOU so wish.

Also, why WOULDN'T he want to meet members of your family? Unless they are related to the Kray Brothers perhaps? How RUDE.

PLEASE take some of the smug grin off his face and stand up for yourself - YOU decide the terms. Women have a different relationship towards sex than men and I guarantee you in this particular situation you hold all the cards. Don't let him walk all over you. If he's going to remove the 'friends' bit then you remove the 'benefits' bit.

Think more about you and less about him. I can assure you that if he sees you walking away it will be him that is worrying about losing you.

Also, I totally agree that all relationships come with a risk. Every single one. We cannot know what another person will do and when. Past behaviour is usually quite a good indicator of future behaviour but people can and do change when they want to enough. Concentrate on YOU. I personally think a little competition might be just the ticket for you and your FWB - let him see what he might be missing....he has no guarantees either and sounds like he's on a nice number right now which he isn't giving you enough credit for.

Thank you @butterballs9 I plan to keep it cool like I have been doing and step back a little.
I will try to focus on myself and start being kind to myself too

I did do the cooling off thing and I even went out on a night out with friends and missed seeing him one weekend, just to prove I wasn't always available to him, then after a few weeks I told him that I was ready to date other people and to wish me luck etc, he then laid his cards out on the table and told me he would like to see how things go between us and that we are already acting like a couple and it's ok :) he has told his ex about me and she hasn't freaked out and stopped contact with his little one and last week I was introduced to his best friends as his girlfriend, we are now on my terms not his :)

We are still taking it slow don't get me wrong but at least we are now on the same page, which was basically my issue to start with, now I can relax and enjoy the relationship without questioning everything and what will be will be :)