This guy is ridiculous! The more there is, the more there is!!!
What strikes me as that he really is using emotional withdrawal as a form of control - to make you fear what will happen and make you toe the line, and your childhood (like so many of ours) is priming you for it.
I like how the cottontailedrabbit is speaking about it.....
The other women have it spot on I think - next time he starts, just name it. Say it out loud - 'Oh you're sulking again, righto.' And then get out of there if you can. It's OK to say it out loud - the balance of power will shift. The children may look up surprised. BUT everyone will see that something is different and it needs to be different.
I would sadly advise you to think through some of the important points from this discussion, not least of all that you panic, he does this a lot, the children are learning from it, you fear anger so it's easy for him to use simmering rage to cow you, and the biggie for me - the fact that you have a nicer time when he is away.
That's really important. It is just that you feel safe and know you'll have a nicer time?? And no-one will harangue you for nothing and pointlessly spoil what could have been a nice normal evening?
I too was with a man who used emotional abuse - he HAD to pick the restaurant we went to, he had to have his way, he was mean and mardy for no reason, spoiling things.
One memorable day, we went down into Soho - he stalked thro Ox Circus tube, Friday night, chockablock, not walking with me, not holding my hand or anything to have a nice time, storming off and sighing as he looked round for me - anyway we started walking thro Soho and I saw shop windows I'd like to look in - he didn't like that - on it went - which restaurant etc - in the end we finally got into his choice of restaurant and were arguing at the table about his behaviour and why he had to spoil everything for no reason - and just as the conversation lulled, I was to be heard saying to him '....because I don't LIKE you.'
I felt terrible. His face later on the tube was so sad. But it was true. There was no good reason for his arsey behaviour and I'd just had enough. I didn't like him and being with him wasn't fun and I had a nicer time when he wasn't there.
There was another time we were at a festival in Switzerland and watching the last act, I became cold even tho I had my coat on. He had his T shirt on and coat in the bag. I asked him if I could put it on and he said no. I remember sitting there looking at all the other loving couples, where one partner simply would not put up with the other's discomfort and felt so sad that this man was the best I could come up with in life?? All the wonderful caring safe men out there and I chose this one?? It was a watershed moment and came up when I left him.
So, we split up. It's all history now, but I learnt a lot and I wish I'd done it earlier.
The bit you have to go through is the split - telling him, living safely with him until it's finalised and then going thro with it.
The best piece of advice I can give is, really try not to have to hear anything he says. He will say your reasons are bullshit and all sorts of shit - all to twist you up into having to give explanations - yet no explanation will get him to agree - so don't even bother. I'd come up with a simple sentence, use that at a planned time (I want to split up because I'm sick and tired of your sulking and I can't be arsed living like it anymore) and PLAN to get out of there for the night with the kids. Maybe have them elsewhere, go and do it, then get out. Hide precious belongings so he can't hurt them. You DON'T have to stay and listen and I'd say actively avoid hearing what he's got to say because it will just be rubbish.