My life is a complete mess...I'm terrified, trapped in another country

[AjasLipstick]

I am going to leave a fair bit out because it's identifying and also because it's so long....and I can hopefully reveal details to people as we go.

I'd really appreciate some ongoing support...I need an escape plan. I have to get out of Australia with my two kids. DH is Aussie and I'm British. We came here 3 years ago. I don't think he'd stop me leaving but i have NO resources because I don't have full citezenship yet...I'm not entitled to any government support at all. I work freelance and we live semi rurally....I basically manage to earn the eqiuvelant of about 200 quid a week as a freelancer. We get one lot of government "family money" which DH has in his account and used for rent. HE earns sporadically but has always more or less kept us ok. I have tried and tried to get jobs but I can't drive and there's nothing here.

DH has basically lost his marbles. Mid-life crisis with tinges of mental breakdown...his mental state reminds me of someone in mild phsychosis.

He's paranoid then normal....he smokes a lot of weed and has done since he managed to stop alcohol five years ago but though it helped him give up, it's triggered mental illness.

Kids are 13 and 11. Beautiful kids and he loves them so much and they him but he's a bastard anxiety inducing mess and I realise now that he's also probably the cause of my older child's anxiety.

Basically he's given up his job to "decide what he wants to do...and what "path" his life should take"

He said the other day 'I want to live with you but to remove all the weight of responsibility and ownership..."

He expects me to stay here in this rental with him....oh and I'm not allowed to ask questions about how he's planning on earning a living because it puts him under undue pressure.

My Mum in England has recently been diagnosed with a life limiting illness and I am meant to go to visit after Christmas because MIL has offered to pay my ticket but frankly I'm scared to leave the kids with him.

I have one or two good friends here in Oz but haven't confided in them as they're having their own problems at the moment.

I feel robbed. I feel like if I do manage to get together and get us out to england my poor kids are going to have so much adjusting to do.

He used to shout and scream a lot years ago but that's stopped now...but I feel like I have been so stupid. :(

I meant the Australian embassy in Britain, or the British embassy in Australia.

Can you contact the equivalent of women's aid for support due to donestic abuse?
You can't leave the country with your children due to the de Hague convention - however assuming that your kids probably have dual nationality, there is a good chance that they may let you stay in Australia in your own right.
Some of the advice given here is downright dangerous and leaves you with the risk of being permanently separated from your children.

If the DH doesn't object though, she can leave.

It really depends on whether he consents to them leaving. OP, do you think he'd be ok with you all returning to Britain?

The most dangerous time for a woman who is being subjected to DV is when she has announced her intention to leave. So I'd be very wary of the OP having the necessary conversation with her DH about him giving permission to leave the country with their DC before she has a firm escape plan lined up that she can put into action immediately

Also, if the children are 13 and 11 and the OP has only been in Oz 3 years, who dictates which country they must remain in?
Presumably the children were in Britain before Australia?

I'd attempt to draft a document and get him to sign his consent for the children to return to Britain while he's doped out of his head.

user that’s a separate issue. If she needs to leave him for her own safety she can do that within Australia, through refuges etc. But getting away from him and getting out of the country are two separate things. If she’s not at immediate risk she would be better off getting his legal agreement to leave Australia with the kids and then leaving. This won’t be done through unicorn help from the embassy.

OP I hope you are okay.

Just get home girl! It will all be ok.
Another question. If the OP returns on her own to Britain, can she apply under the Hague convention to have the children brought back to Britain?

Thedukes in essence they’ve been living in Australia more than six months so it’s almost certain they would be regarded as habitually resident there.

So, they have to remain in the country they're habitually resident in?

Please do call the embassy for advice, OP. Can you do it away from the house?

Please stop suggesting dangerous advice. If they moved to Australia with the intention to stay than that is the children's residence. It does not matter where they lived before. Also not objecting is not the same as explicit consent.
If OP removes the children from Australia permanently without their fathers consent , they will be returned fairly swiftly.
If she travels pretending to go for a holiday and then decides to not come back they will still be returned. If husband can't look after them at this point they may end up in care (in Australia). There are provisions re domestic abuse but to my knowledge that means op may get a residence status in Australia until kids are adults.
She is effectively trapped in Australia and New seasons to organise support there.

Who's offering the dangerous advice Madwoman?

The advice I've offered so far is:

1. Embassy
2. Return and apply for them to be returned (if you can - have asked other posters whether such a thing would be possible)
3. Get his written consent to the children returning to Britain indefinitely and just go.

The OP has indicated that the DH wants to be a single man, so he might actually consent for them to return. It doesn't seem right that you can effectively be held in a country on the basis of you having lived there more than six months.

You have to find some way of getting the money to buy single tickets to the UK for you and the DC. If you cannot do that it looks as though there is no way out of your current situation.

www.hotpeachpages.net/aus/index.htmlp
Arrange to get to a refuge in the area with your children and take it from there.
It is not a consular matter.
Do not discuss your plans with him or ask him for consent until you are safe.
Make sure you take passports and birth certs.

You’ve got to be very careful, as so many people have already said.

Researching the legal aspects. You need to search for ‘expat stuck parent’. Also check out www.globalarrk.org/

There is a Facebook page for people in your situation - will be named something as above. Get in touch with them and they will signpost you to resources local to you.

How would he take it if you suggested that you and the children come to visit mum for 2-3 months and you could earn some decent money whilst back in the UK before returning to Aus.
Then much later have that discussion that you suddenly have changed your mind and don’t want to return at that point?

You could set up a crowd funding page to get the money together for a quick exit. Take the children with you and tell them they need to see their grandmother who isn't well.
Don't leave them with your husband. He sounds increasingly unstable OP.

Madwoman. I would suggest kindly to the OP, that unless she has documented abuse from the DH, a refuge will be hard to get referred to. Unfortunately, there are limited places, and priority is given to those in life threatening danger from their partners.

OP, you mention that he hasn't been violent in a while. Have any of the violent incidents been documented with Australian police?

Are you in Australia? Do they have different rules there? I have worked in the broad area for the last rwenty odd years and domestic abuse absolutely includes controlling behaviour and emotional abuse. My professional experience is in UK and Europe.

The OP has already said that coercive control is not yet a crime in Australia Madwoman.