Help me not kill my FIL.

[Pebblespony]

We're off to visit my in-laws. FIL is the world's biggest boaster. He's always on about how fucking great he is. We're going for a meal and he'll be telling long stories featuring himeslf, his favourite hero, about how brilliant he was at his job before he retired. He was a postman. He told me once with a straight face that he was the world's best postman. Usually I get drunk and ignore him. I can't drink tonight. I need a coping strategy!

Can you take the piss and wind him up to amuse yourself?

He takes offense really easily. He's always falling out with people. His immediate family never pull him up on it, they just agree with him. In my family, someone telling a story like this would immediately get the piss taken out of them.

Im going to have to kill him with the butter knife, aren't I?

Earplugs? Play FIL bingo with someone else who's with you? We used to do this with my BIL, he was a real elevenarife type, that was hours of fun.

Do you feel a migraine coming on? Or perhaps a stomach bug? or uncontrollable homicidal urges

Oh, I change my mind - do the bingo!

I'm was at mines recently. I was doing so well until he put his arm out to stop me crossing a road like I'm a child. I barged past. My natural personality leaks out, however much I pretend to be nice and simpering.

I don't know if you have ever watched 'mrs browns boys' instead of saying F* Off she says 'thats nice'. Why don't you think of a nice comment but only you and DH know what it really means.

Whatever story he tells, just make one up that is like his but just a tiny bit more boastful 😂

I would literally wee myself, if everytime he told a story you told one that was even better 😂

Make it a game with yourself. Come up with your own version of FIL Bingo and see how quickly you can win. Come up with some kind of subtly undermining line you can deliver straight face as a response. Text someone else who knows what a dick he is snarkily under the table.

FIL bingo definitely. Or channel an Enid Blyton character and respond with 'Jolly good!' 'Gosh!' 'Crikey!' and 'Super!' at intervals.

Definitely play bingo and hum postman pat under your breath

I humour my SIL who does this. Just play along. Ham it up. Practice so that you’re just balancing the line between it being obvious you’re taking the piss but not so obvious that he feels he can call you out on it.

Mine is a rabid Brexiter, despite having made his money working all over, including the EU.

Oh yes, we also do "That's nice" as per Mrs Brown.
I'm surprised we are actually allowed back in some restaurants.

@pebblespony no killing him too early, you will need to be updating us all, what time is the meal?

if you're looking to leave the relationship soon then just yawn in his face

If for some reason you want to stay married then I guess just nod and smile

NotTheFord ??? She’s not married to her FIL!

If he repeats the stories then FIL bingo is the one for you. Also live MN feeds involving regular updates!

Meal is at seven. I'm already stressed!

I think you should spend the meal on your phone getting tips from mumsnetters on quick put downs