Help me not kill my FIL.

[Pebblespony]

We're off to visit my in-laws. FIL is the world's biggest boaster. He's always on about how fucking great he is. We're going for a meal and he'll be telling long stories featuring himeslf, his favourite hero, about how brilliant he was at his job before he retired. He was a postman. He told me once with a straight face that he was the world's best postman. Usually I get drunk and ignore him. I can't drink tonight. I need a coping strategy!

If he tells a story you've heard before, interrupt with "ooh I know, is this the one when you save the little old lady from the rabid dog?".

Just wanted to say I feel you 🙌

And my MIL is a SAINT. It’s just him.

Try staring at his nose. It looks like you're looking at him but most people find it really disconcerting as it feels like you're looking through him.

Weird tip but it works!

If I get really bored I start trying to count my teeth using my tongue. V good at helping you 'zone out'.

So many bizarre, yet helpful tips!

Interrupt everything with ‘yes I know you already told me that’! That’s what I used to do. Or try to sit somewhere away from him

Your FIL is obviously not quite right: It sounds like he has low self-esteem if he really needs to big himself up all the time, or perhaps he's not very bright. Or a combination of the two.

If I were you, I would practise ways to 'zone out' during the evening, and find some compassion for him - let's face it, there is no one who could possibly really like him, and the way he carries on really is a bit pathetic. I wouldn't bother engaging with him at all, because if you do, it becomes like point-scoring and he's not worth it.

I had an uncle like this. He's karked it now but without irony he would regale us with tales of his heroism whenever we met. In fact it was my now DH's amazing handling of this twattishness that made me want to marry him. We used to knee each otherunder the table every time his puffed upness reached new heights. He actually owned Elevenerife and several other islands as well. Get right on yer tit end after a bit though!

Pmsl at counting your teeth! I 2nd the above poster - we need live updates op & we'll help u along.

Play 'elevenenerife'.

If he's been to Tenerife you've been somewhere or done something better. Be as outrageous as you like

I just tried teeth-counting, it's harder than it sounds...

Just say " oh my friend Bob did that but...." and make the story even better.

Every time.

Oh really
That's hilarious
Thats hysterical
How nice
Lovely
Oh well
Oh dear

And repeat...

I think I would try to one up him on everything
it could be really funny

If he takes offence, will he shut up to sulk?

Get drunk and say, ‘Oh my!’ every single time. Count them and we will hold a sweepstake.

I begin with 56.

Please go to the loo regularly to update us.

If set my stall out early:

"OMG father in law, I think you've been beaten to the worlds best postman title "- and then regale him ALL evening with increasingly insane tales of your own postie.

He saved a cat from a tree, caught burglars, chased down a drug dealer while calling the police, gave cpr to an elderly lady ...

Go on and on and on

Send him an anonymous letter (through the post of course) saying he was the worst postman ever.
He won’t get it for a few days but it will help you on tonight if you know it’s on the way to him.

Mom bot I know right! It can keep me occupied for ages, most usefully when I'm enduring a "why Yorkshire is the bestest place in the world" monologue from MIL

@BendydickCuminsnatch

Yeah obviously. Why should OP put up with inlaw bullshit?

PS I love BC

Wear your headphones with your hair covering them to block out the sound. Have a suitable playlist to listen to ‘postman pat’, ‘rabbit’ by chas and dave, ‘shudduper your face’ by joe dolce etc

'Right', nothing else, just 'Right', then get your phone out and play a game. You could also yawn regularly.

Alternatively, when he's in full flow ask something totally irrelevant eg 'How did Liverpool get on today', other teams are available, 'What do you think about the NI backstop?', anything totally irrelevant.

People like him only get away with it because they're allowed to, derail him all the time.

Alternative 2, 'Do you realise what a crashing, repetitive bore you are?', that has the advantage too that you'll never get invited to listen again.

As he drones on, slowly slowly lower your head, closing your eyes and dropping your hand to the table, releasing utensil. Then quietly start snoring for about 10-20 seconds. Then do that 'startled awake snore-snort thing' while rapidly blinking your eyes. Then say 'Sorry, what were you saying?'. Repeat as needed.

Or just ignore him and carry on a conversation with others (or yourself).

Oh god this is my mum. Well, not that I speak to her anymore...

I could literally start telling her something big like, I dunno, I'm getting married, and she'll interrupt with some shit like "So I'm running a half MARATHON this weekend!"

So many good ideas but I do like the bingo one.
And the "do tell me more about how super it was being the best postman EVAH" style ones. While counting his nose hairs or something.