Help me not kill my FIL.

[Pebblespony]

We're off to visit my in-laws. FIL is the world's biggest boaster. He's always on about how fucking great he is. We're going for a meal and he'll be telling long stories featuring himeslf, his favourite hero, about how brilliant he was at his job before he retired. He was a postman. He told me once with a straight face that he was the world's best postman. Usually I get drunk and ignore him. I can't drink tonight. I need a coping strategy!

You need some show stopper comments.

Did I tell you I saw a great job in USA.

Cruise as holiday for month.

How about..
"I didn't know there was such a thing as the world's best postman" . Well done you.

Just ignore.
Sit as far away from him as possible.

Talk about a colleague who people have become so fed up with because of the boasting.

How people walk another route when they see him coming. How his lack of self awareness is astounding.

I've recently found that the best way to deal with people like this is to just look them square in the eye, pull a very subtle little face and say absolutely nothing.

For an uncomfortable length of time.

If you hadn't said your FIL was a retired postman I'd have thought he was my boss!

While I was out I witnessed some nobbish behaviour which made me think of this thread. My suggestion when he says he was the best ever postman would be to say why? What made him so great, what did he do that no other post person doesn't do every day
. Make him justify his ridiculous comments. Just why why why him.

Ask him if he ever put post in the bin, that really winds postmen up my bil is a postie, he locked himself inside the back of his own van once. He is also really clever and interesting I absolutely can’t stand him and just completely ignore him. He’s leant not to bother speaking to me as I just don’t listen

He's a boasty postie

But I agree with whoever said that he probably has really low self esteem. That's sad.

Wait......we have the same FIL

Mine has told the same stories every time I see him, that's a lot of repeats over 13 years. My SIL has a new boyfriend and you could see my FIL was almost giddy at the prospect of telling the stories to a new audience, took him all of about 3.4 seconds before he started the first one.

Best part lately is he and my DH were/are in the same job (which my FIL was the BEST) at and my DH has been promoted above the rank fil reached. Now FIL has to find so many new creative ways to belittle DH and make himself sound better.

And to make it worse FIL has gotten a smart phone recently so now we get whatsapp updates of all his amazing escapades which he is of course the best at. I don't even respond now and do my best to minimise any interaction with him. How my wonderful MIL puts up with him I'll never know.

Hmmmmmm
Hmmmmmm

Is it the way he put the letters through the letter box?

What made him the best posti man?
Service with a smile? Can't be that. Most humble? Surely not.

I just can't think.

@AlexisCubadgee
Are you ops fil??!!
I love the idea of sending him a letter saying he’s a shit postie. That’s brilliant

Just nod and smile in a slightly banal crazy way. Like you’re on zanex

Try staring at his nose. It looks like you're looking at him but most people find it really disconcerting as it feels like you're looking through him.

YY to this - I've done the gazing just past the ear thing, that makes people very uncomfortable.

As someone who has been full time waiting staff, everywhere I worked had various unwritten rules, the universal one was that clicky fingers immediately earned a five minute penalty of being ignored by all staff on the floor.

You have just enough time to brush up on a few episodes of postman pats special delivery service- memorise plot lines and as FIL starts a story, cut over him with an episode of postman pat, detail every single hold up that pat had to overcome, change pats name to Ronnie- do it with the enthusiasm of a postman pat loving 3 year old. Every time. Please! This could be my FIL but with the prison service. I make noises like ooooo and ahhhhh at him. Heard every story 5 or 6 times with varying degrees of accuracy.

He sounds like a perfect Janet and Roy round robin letter recipient. Spend this evening gathering some points and then get someone to send him a letter. It will drive him crazy!!

Just have some gynae issues to update him on. He'll be horrified and shut up. Tell him your coil is stuck and needs a minor op to remove.

Right. Here we go. Pre-dinner drinks.

Not placemarking... no, not me

Does your DH know how you feel? Is he onside? Eye rolls and sniggering glances to each other should do the trick....or asking "Is that what you think" alongside a quizzical head tilt.

Think telling a story about a "crushing bore, clearly insecure" fictional colleague should be enough to put him in his place.

Also minimise contact time - no starters or puds - always be busy rushing off elsewhere.

Someone tells a story about a car accident they recently had, FIL was in a worse one.

Now he's telling how he liked a musician before the world discovered him.

A greatest hits story about some nuns and how he said the wittiest thing ever to them.

Settles in for night

Don'tharshmymellow that is funny

Oh, I have a MIL like this. She's coming on Xmas day and I'm going to have to get very drunk so's not to murder her.

He must talk fast