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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me not kill my FIL.

135 replies

Pebblespony · 08/12/2018 12:22

We're off to visit my in-laws. FIL is the world's biggest boaster. He's always on about how fucking great he is. We're going for a meal and he'll be telling long stories featuring himeslf, his favourite hero, about how brilliant he was at his job before he retired. He was a postman. He told me once with a straight face that he was the world's best postman. Usually I get drunk and ignore him. I can't drink tonight. I need a coping strategy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pebblespony · 08/12/2018 20:02

No, sadly not.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 08/12/2018 20:02

OK your challange is you have to get him to say "happy days"...

Original poster
Pebblespony · 08/12/2018 20:03

He's now on about how he built his house pretty much single handed my. He's as skilled as any blocklayer or plasterer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pebblespony · 08/12/2018 20:03

*single handedly.

OP posts:
Grannyannex · 08/12/2018 20:07

😂

ahouseofleaves · 08/12/2018 20:09

I'm sorry, this would annoy me to no end.

But the live updates have me laughing out loud. Hang in there.

What is DH's thinking on this?

timeisnotaline · 08/12/2018 20:10

Sil definitely has a HUGE bingo sheet to fill out!

SandAndSea · 08/12/2018 20:18

This is reminding me of one of my relatives. After getting a cleaner, she told me that she knew 4 other people that she cleaned for! Four!!

I think my response was, "Oh really?"

MrsTerryPratcett · 08/12/2018 20:26

SIL is playing FIL bingo. It's the only possible explanation.

MadeForThis · 08/12/2018 20:32

Start a competition. You get him to tell more stories than sil. Cut her off

SandAndSea · 08/12/2018 20:33

Tell him my cleaner story!

happyclutterchucker · 08/12/2018 20:38

He has a huge hat collection

Is that a huge collection of hats, or a collection of huge hats? (I'm suspecting the latter, to fit his big head) Grin

Original poster
Pebblespony · 08/12/2018 21:06

I will grant him this, he's a world champion man-splainer.

OP posts:
ememem84 · 08/12/2018 21:22

Sil is obviously reading this thread...

Stopwoofing · 08/12/2018 21:30

Is he moominpappa? Seriously, I’ve never met a boaster that didn’t have cripplingly low self esteem - it’s a weird reaction to it. Anything he’s not boring about that you could get him onto?

Weezol · 08/12/2018 21:31

I dare you to ask him about The Pony Express - now that was high risk mail carrying.

LanaLily11 · 08/12/2018 21:40

My FIL is the same - evety bloody chance he gets he regales anyone who’ll listen with the same stories over and over again. Italian mafia? He knows one of them. Tiger Woods? Met him on a jungle safari. You’ve been somewhere on holiday, he’s been to the better resort up the road.

It drives us all mad, to the point we now all bagsy not sitting next to him at meals etc. I just can’t comprehend how he tells the same people the same stories day in and out, and not realise everyone is sick of it!! ConfusedHmm

StinksALot · 08/12/2018 22:19

Hope you've survived!

If you're still there it's time to come up with some stories of your own to see if he can top them.... you know, that time you rescued a sloth that was falling off it's branch in the zoo, or the time you joined David Williams' table in costa as there weren't any other spots available. I'm sure he'll have some amazing 'story toppers'

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 09/12/2018 09:20

Not seen any mass murders reported in the news....

ElsieMc · 09/12/2018 10:01

Watching BBC live news coverage and the evacuation of your restaurant has not been on yet. You do sound like a court reporter, I was involved in protracted family court proceedings and the reporter told me that she was never allowed to portray any emotion so she just looked ahead into the distance and kept tapping away. She said it was really hard as she was only human and wanted to cry. Sounds just like you op.

Original poster
Pebblespony · 09/12/2018 10:19

Well, I survived! Just about. We went for a few drinks afterwards and there was a guy playing music that made it hard to hear people except for those right beside us. I couldn't hear FIL. Shame. I could see his mouth flapping for the rest of the night but I was protected by the music. Never been so glad to have 'Fairy tale of New York' mangled so loudly. I'm safe now for six months at least. And, who knows, I could be struck down with a mystery illness next time. Thanks for all the help!!

OP posts:
BirthdayKake · 09/12/2018 10:29

Well done Pebbles!

justilou1 · 09/12/2018 12:52

Wouldn't a letter opener be a more obvious weapon of choice?

Philomensapie · 09/12/2018 14:39

He's the Wise Old Elf! Xmas Grin

PerkingFaintly · 09/12/2018 16:45

Grin Pebbles, someone's just posted this Pam Ayres poem on another thread.

She's not your MIL is she? 'Cos she's clearly met your FIL...