Help me not kill my FIL.

[Pebblespony]

We're off to visit my in-laws. FIL is the world's biggest boaster. He's always on about how fucking great he is. We're going for a meal and he'll be telling long stories featuring himeslf, his favourite hero, about how brilliant he was at his job before he retired. He was a postman. He told me once with a straight face that he was the world's best postman. Usually I get drunk and ignore him. I can't drink tonight. I need a coping strategy!

We have a friend like that, any trade you name it, he can do it better. When he was 8 his father was a roofer and he of course went up on roofs to help him and of course he is knowledgeable (an expert) in tiling roofs as well.

My BIL is an elevenrife-r. I have taken to staring at a point just below his hairline, or on his chin and acting really distracted when he starts off. This has the amazing effect of making him forget what he was on about as he starts swiping his hand over his forehead/chin...

This is my FIL - knows everything about everything and has bested everyone he ever came up against. They came to stay with us for 6 weeks at the start of this year. I got into the habit of making an excuse & leaving the room when he started his stories/tirades. One time he actually followed me through 3 fecking rooms to continue telling me his thrilling story through the toilet door. They want to come again next year ffs.

Emigration @wine?

My SiL is like this. Barely a sentence passes without her reminding us she went to medical school and is therefore a DOCTOR. Every conversation lead goes back to this. So we play bingo and roll our eyes. She's a snob and a boast and very rude. I've put up with it for two decades.
It's not as if having been to medical school is a big deal in our family - there are other doctors who manage to be quiet and talk about other things, and a few PhDs knocking around too (not me, tho!!). She winds everyone up. And is insufferable.

Oh and she has a droning voice so even if she were to tell us something new it would come across dull!

Your FIL isn't called Colin is he?? I think we all know one of these. My DH has an old school friend who, thank God, lives in Spain so only comes to see us once a year when he visits his mum. He knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING! You've got a black cat, he's got a blacker one. When I was a teacher, working in the English education system, he would tell me loudly and at length all the things that were wrong in the English education system, because obviously, him living in Spain and not being a teacher he knew FAR more about it than me. Two years ago I was forced to go on a moorland walk in an area where he confidently stated he didn't need my advice on route-finding because he knew the route in his head like a GPS computer...He got lost. Although of course that was Not His Fault.

Sadly I missed his last annual visit because I had an urgent appointment five miles away, so DH had to entertain him aline and listen to his boasting...

used to know someone like that we called him two sheds cos one day someone happened to say they had bought a new shed of course he had bought two sheds so that name stuck no i dont know why anyone would want to buy two sheds either

doingitforthekids - the bugger is that we did emigrate, hence the 6 week stay! Christ knows what I'm going to do when they announce their next visit.

Oh god no wine!