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Original poster

Dating a man who shows signs of being tight with money

176 replies

Tightarse · 02/12/2018 14:17

I’ve had three dates with a man I really like- good company, funny, intelligent, attractive. But ... he appears to have a slightly tight streak despite having a good job.

First date I bought the first round and third round of drinks at the bar, he bought the second. Second date didn’t involve spending money as we went for a walk. Third date he bought a round of soft drinks then we went to the cinema. He stood there motionless after two tickets had been rung up by the cashier. I then got my bank card out to pay for mine since he hadn’t offered. He still did nothing and I awkwardly paid for both after which he said “oh thanks”. He didn’t offer to buy any popcorn so I had to keep offering him some of mine and afterwards when we went to the bar, he asked what I wanted but seemed to be expecting me to offer (which I didn’t) and only got his wallet out when I made no offer of paying.

I do really enjoy his company and am more than happy to pay my way or treat a man on a date. But I don’t want to feel obliged to pay for a man as well as myself, i’m a single mum and can’t afford it. I don’t know if he is just not thinking or if he’s a tight wad with his own money. How do I find out which it is? And if he’s a tight arse, can he be changed?

OP posts:
Katgurl · 02/12/2018 19:13

UGH! He sounds vile.

Flaffable · 02/12/2018 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madmum5811 · 02/12/2018 19:18

I married a tightwad, but he was never anywhere near as bad as this. The upside is he curbed my spending habits and I manage most of the time to tease him into spending his. No pockets in shrouds, the kids will have a ball when you are gone type of jokes.

This guy needs dumping at the kerb.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2018 19:20

I would have expected you to take out your phone and offer to transfer the money for your ticket, Faff, otherwise, no, I wouldn't have believed you. I'd have cancelled the date rather than pay. Had too many chancers expecting me to pay for them.

Flaffable · 02/12/2018 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2018 19:26

Aha! I'd have just cancelled the date or suggest going for a walk rather than pay. I had several people try that excuse, usually after a meal. I was happy to pay for mine and ditch 'em. Nope, not paying for you. Nice try!

Flaffable · 02/12/2018 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5fivestar · 02/12/2018 19:41

I’ve been on hundreds of dates over the years and literally the only man who has ever ever asked to go Dutch was my ex husband.... all the signs were there, I should have know 🙄
I’ll start paying for the odd meal after date 4, until then if he’s not paying I’m not staying

AnotherEmma · 02/12/2018 19:42

Flaffable
You made an honest mistake and he was an arse.

donttalk
Flaffable said she told him straight away that she'd forgotten her purse, she didn't wait until they had to pay for the tickets. That's completely different from eating a whole meal and only telling your date at the end of the meal. Which could happen I guess if you don't realise until that point. But you are clearly projecting your experiences with cheeky fuckers onto Flaffable, which isn't fair.

donajimena · 02/12/2018 19:49

5Five why should a man pay for you? How embarrassing. I would go halves.

5fivestar · 02/12/2018 20:21

donajimena - he doesn’t have to, but I won’t be seeing him again if he doesn’t. Simple. Sets the tone doesn’t it.

IdblowJonSnow · 02/12/2018 20:28

I'd say ditch because it's not just about the money - someone who is selfish/tight with money is usually like this in all aspects , e.g. in bed, with their time, affection etc. But you could give it one more go and tell him how you feel? Not read tft so you may have done this!

DrMorbius · 02/12/2018 20:34

@fivestar, what tone is it setting? That women are unequal, need to be "looked after" because they earn less, ergo, have less intelligence etc. While your date is paying, I assume you are sat prettily, with full make up and a nice dress and heels?

Inkspellme · 02/12/2018 20:37

Op- the old phrase springs to mind “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”.

5fivestar · 02/12/2018 20:38

DrMorbius - correct. I’m not saying you do I don’t need your approval

5fivestar · 02/12/2018 20:38

Dating not saying

RangeRider · 02/12/2018 20:39

I'm actually going to disagree a bit. Date 1 - you alternated, it's just unfortunate you didn't have a 4th drink or he might have paid & you'd be evens. Date 2 - fine. Date 3 - maybe he thinks that as he paid the (albeit soft) drinks that you'd get the tickets. Otherwise, unless you went halves (which you'd not done so far on a date), he'd end up paying for the whole date.
Go with the going out for a meal idea - see how he reacts to that - but don't expect him to pay for the whole thing unless you expressly say you'll pay for the next one (and mean it) or you'll be the CF.

eddielizzard · 02/12/2018 20:43

Hmm it's not looking great. The cinema ticket incident is the tell tale sign. Try another date by all means, but what if it's inconclusive? A fifth date? It seems strange that someone who is otherwise sociable and intelligent can't work out how to pay fairly.

Nettletheelf · 02/12/2018 20:44

I’m surprised that a poster has suggested that the man is skint, rather than a tightwad.

If he were skint, and not a tightarse, he wouldn’t be suggesting dates that cost money and waiting for the OP to pay, would he?

Jayfee · 02/12/2018 20:44

Just tell him next time..your round I paid last time. If he is resistant then he is mean, if not he might not put a lot of importance on it or he might have experienced girls who automatically expect the bloke to pay so was enjoying the change.

LegoAdventCalendar · 02/12/2018 20:47

maybe he thinks that as he paid the (albeit soft) drinks that you'd get the tickets.

C'mon! When was the price of a soft drink the same as a cinema ticket? And he didn't offer to pay for his ticket, he just stood there and let her pay for both. He'd have known it was dearer than the cost of a soft drink.

TheBigBangRocks · 02/12/2018 20:49

How awful, a man expecting a woman to pay sometimes Hmm

Love how the woman should run a mile if the man doesn't pay for everything yet the man isn't ever given the same advice.

I do agree though that selfish with money translates to other areas given how many women expect everything to be provided for them.

Nettletheelf · 02/12/2018 20:50

I used to work with a bloke who wouldn’t go to the pub with colleagues (we were all in our twenties, prime pub-going age) because he preferred to drink tap water at home for free.

His manager would beg me to take him out and “liven him up a bit” but no, any spending occasion had to be avoided. He wouldn’t eat or drink anything if he thought that he could get it cheaper in Kwik Save (showing my age).

Perhaps it is the same bloke! Is he called Andrew?

LegoAdventCalendar · 02/12/2018 20:53

How awful, a man expecting a woman to pay sometimes hmm

Yes, pretty shitty when he expects it (or her) and doesn't even offer to pay for him/herself when it hasn't been agreed upon as 'my treat'. Fuck that.

LanaorAna2 · 02/12/2018 20:58

Mean with money, mean with love.

A lot of men today are remarkably relaxed about being 'kept' in a way that women would cringe at. Women are still paid much less.

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