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Original poster

Dating a man who shows signs of being tight with money

176 replies

Tightarse · 02/12/2018 14:17

I’ve had three dates with a man I really like- good company, funny, intelligent, attractive. But ... he appears to have a slightly tight streak despite having a good job.

First date I bought the first round and third round of drinks at the bar, he bought the second. Second date didn’t involve spending money as we went for a walk. Third date he bought a round of soft drinks then we went to the cinema. He stood there motionless after two tickets had been rung up by the cashier. I then got my bank card out to pay for mine since he hadn’t offered. He still did nothing and I awkwardly paid for both after which he said “oh thanks”. He didn’t offer to buy any popcorn so I had to keep offering him some of mine and afterwards when we went to the bar, he asked what I wanted but seemed to be expecting me to offer (which I didn’t) and only got his wallet out when I made no offer of paying.

I do really enjoy his company and am more than happy to pay my way or treat a man on a date. But I don’t want to feel obliged to pay for a man as well as myself, i’m a single mum and can’t afford it. I don’t know if he is just not thinking or if he’s a tight wad with his own money. How do I find out which it is? And if he’s a tight arse, can he be changed?

OP posts:

unique1986 · 02/12/2018 17:03

Men that complain that dates are expensive shouldn't be going on any.

HollowTalk · 02/12/2018 17:05

Oh sorry he once took me on a date to eat a saveloy in Sheffield bus station.

Now this has to be the date of the century!

unique1986 · 02/12/2018 17:06

@alfiesman
Just sounds so unromanatic
If it's just a good male friends 50/50 is fine.
But if a partner can't be spontaneous because they have to get the money first then boring...

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 02/12/2018 17:10

Do you pay for your friends when you go out? If not what makes this guy so special?? Jesus op, give your head a wobble, this guy is a tightarse freeloader but you are making excuses and 'tests' to prove otherwise just because he is good company?? Wow, you must be really desperate for a man that you give this loser your time......and money

BabyItsAWildWorld · 02/12/2018 17:17

Meaness is such an unattractive trait.

This would be an instant turn off

unique1986 · 02/12/2018 17:19

I would also say next time go to a more expensive cinema with no deals. Say 20 quid plus for two tickets.
Do not pay or offer anything.

Arnoldthecat · 02/12/2018 17:28

You see i always say,keep things simple. Everything 50/50 right down the middle. That way everyone knows the rules and where they stand,,simples.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 02/12/2018 17:40

Men that complain that dates are expensive shouldn't be going on any.

^^This. They should stay at home with their preferred hand...

Tight with money, tight with love - I’ve never hear of a man who was mean who wasn’t selfish in bed too. Life’s to short for that rubbish.

KiaraMacleo · 02/12/2018 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rattinghat · 02/12/2018 17:50

Stingyboy wasn't selfish in bed, but he was convinced I would trap him with a pregnancy. I had to offer to let him feel my IUD string to shut him the fuck up (he declined btw). Also he was unusually short, and once we checked in for a budget flight. The clerk asked him if he wanted to purchase extra legroom. I said oh no, he'll probably be trying to get a discount for the legroom he won't be needing.

ratatatatouille · 02/12/2018 18:00

I was just going to say ‘tight with money, tight with love, time, affection etc’ but i’ve Been beaten to it. Cut your losses op. That’s who he is.

areyoubeingserviced · 02/12/2018 18:11

If you continue this relationship you will be as miserable as sin
My mother warned me not to marry a stingy man.

Sally2791 · 02/12/2018 18:19

Move on.Meaness is a vile trait and if it's niggling now, it will only get worse

AnotherEmma · 02/12/2018 18:24

The cinema date would have been my last date. He was rude. He invited you to the cinema, he should have paid for the tickets or suggested going halves. The thought of him just waiting for you to pay makes me cringe! And the final nail in the coffin was the fact that he didn't thank you for paying and immediately offer to buy you popcorn or something.

When dating I think it's nice to take turns to pay or go halves on the big things. But I also think that if one person has more disposable income than the other, the better off person could be a bit more generous and treat the less well off person from time to time.

This is a feminist issue because men tend to have more disposable income than women (yes the gender wage gap does exist) but we feel that the "tradition" of men paying for women is outdated and sexist - yes it is but it's too far the other way to expect a single mother with limited means to subsidise a high-earning man.

Sorry for the long-winded reply, but OP, I don't think you should go on another date with this guy. Especially not a dinner date, you are just signing yourself up for an excruitiatingly awkward moment in which you end up paying the entire bill. Or he orders the cheapest main and no extras and then just pays for himself with no contribution to the tip.

What were your previous significant partners like?

MaMisled · 02/12/2018 18:25

This was me 16 years ago and im so glad i didnt judge DH on those first 6 months. He was too embarrassed to say how hard up he was but didn't want to miss out on the opportunity of a lovely relationship. I vowed to talk to him at the time but never could. His ex wife was seriously squeezing him and, because of their DC, he kept bailing her out. After 6 or 7 months of me even feeding his DC every week thur to mon with no contribution, things quickly started to change. We've been together 17 years, have 7 DC between us and have never had a single fall out over money.

Neweternal · 02/12/2018 18:28

It's true stingy men are a turn off. I wondered with the last guy I dated that perhaps because I am wealthier thats he always went Dutch or would happily let me pay more. The finally straw was he came over and had and brought a bottle of booze and in the morning went to to the fridge and took it out and left with it, he made some comment about me not getting all that. I thought "how common" that was it for me.

Flaffable · 02/12/2018 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2018 18:40

Especially not a dinner date, you are just signing yourself up for an excruitiatingly awkward moment in which you end up paying the entire bill.

This is exactly what will happen. He'll have some excuse, try to do that trick of going to the toilet or 'just nipping out' to make a call and since you're too passive to call him out you'll end up paying.

The cinema date was him showing you his true colours.

As for these apologists, I agree with the gal who said if you don't have the money to pay for yourself on a date then you don't date.

vuripadexo · 02/12/2018 18:46

LOL. wouldn't be me.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2018 18:52

Or me, vari. Can't be doing with someone who expected to me to feed his kids or consider that a 'lovely' relationship, would just think what a loser expecting his girlfriend to feed his own kids. But hey, there's one born every minute.

DrMorbius · 02/12/2018 18:54

What's wrong with saying hey Charlie [insert name here] how are we going to do this? Do we take turns at paying or split everything 50/50?

moredoll · 02/12/2018 18:55

The only piece of dating advice my DM ever gave me was "Never marry a mean man."

ChimesAtMidnight · 02/12/2018 19:03

moredoll
"Never marry a mean man."
My DM too....

Skatersbeskating · 02/12/2018 19:07

Move on OP. Move on.

sheldonstwin · 02/12/2018 19:12

And remember, OP, you are seeing him at his best right now. What is he going to be like once he knows he doesn't have to 'try' with you any more?
I dated a tight git a couple of times once and in the end I lost my temper and walked off, leaving him standing there. People are right: tight with money, tight with everything.

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