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Original poster

Dating a man who shows signs of being tight with money

176 replies

Tightarse · 02/12/2018 14:17

I’ve had three dates with a man I really like- good company, funny, intelligent, attractive. But ... he appears to have a slightly tight streak despite having a good job.

First date I bought the first round and third round of drinks at the bar, he bought the second. Second date didn’t involve spending money as we went for a walk. Third date he bought a round of soft drinks then we went to the cinema. He stood there motionless after two tickets had been rung up by the cashier. I then got my bank card out to pay for mine since he hadn’t offered. He still did nothing and I awkwardly paid for both after which he said “oh thanks”. He didn’t offer to buy any popcorn so I had to keep offering him some of mine and afterwards when we went to the bar, he asked what I wanted but seemed to be expecting me to offer (which I didn’t) and only got his wallet out when I made no offer of paying.

I do really enjoy his company and am more than happy to pay my way or treat a man on a date. But I don’t want to feel obliged to pay for a man as well as myself, i’m a single mum and can’t afford it. I don’t know if he is just not thinking or if he’s a tight wad with his own money. How do I find out which it is? And if he’s a tight arse, can he be changed?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tightarse · 02/12/2018 14:51

He’s an interesting and fun person whose company I enjoy but I refuse to pay for it!! If on the next date, he shows a reluctance to get his wallet out then that would be it for me.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 02/12/2018 14:53

I'm older and can't believe some of the shit people put up with. Don't go for a meal. Go for a drink or something that requires money up front. If he footers about again, waiting for you to pay, turn on your heel and leave. End of.

Tattybear16 · 02/12/2018 14:54

He’s showing you who he is. Run away from this man. A date should be full of excitement, not wondering whether he will pay his way. Mean people don’t change for the better, but they get a whole lot worse. He will be mentally calculating the cost of every date. Life’s too short for this crap. Set your bar higher, you’re worth being spoilt. He’s not even going Dutch is he?

Original poster
Tightarse · 02/12/2018 14:55

Bucking, no he suggested the cinema. I work but have no childcare suitable for a sen child so am limited to school hours. I can pay my bills but I don’t have money to subsidise a man.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tightarse · 02/12/2018 14:56

Justmuddling, he will pay when it’s his turn at the bar. So if we got there, he would buy the round if I didn’t offer. But he was silent over the tickets.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tightarse · 02/12/2018 14:57

Exactlyabout the Dutch comment. If someone bought my ticket, as well as thanking them appreciatively I’d make a point of saying “it’s my treat next time” and following through.

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 02/12/2018 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PsychedelicSheep · 02/12/2018 15:01

Even if he does 'pass' the next time, this is fundamentally who he is and he won't change radically. He'll always have meanness in his blood!

DerelictWreck · 02/12/2018 15:04

The third date sounds horribly awkward and rude. But, I can't help feeling that posters wouldn't be thinking this He's a CF. You bought his cinema ticket? He took you for a mug if it were the other way around!

Djnoun · 02/12/2018 15:06

This is him on his best behaviour. Get rid.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2018 15:08

You keep saying you don't want to subsidise a man, but you already have! Twice! Give your head a wobble here. Anything interesting about him is cancelled out by the fact that he stood there and let you buy his cinema ticket and then ate your food, too. Good grief! Your bar is so low Frodo Baggins could limbo under it.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 02/12/2018 15:09

Next time you go out with him, arrange it in advance: 'fancy going halves on the cinema tonight?' And make sure you also stand there motionless at the next till you're at with him!

burnoutbabe · 02/12/2018 15:09

Could be that if it was say an orange Wednesday 2 for 1 ticket he felt a tad lame to be offering say £4 to someone. There are lengths to going Dutch!
(Think we did a 2 for 1 cinema on 2nd date and one person paid as we both like a bargain!)

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2018 15:11

But, I can't help feeling that posters wouldn't be thinking this He's a CF. You bought his cinema ticket? He took you for a mug if it were the other way around!

Why, yes, they would still think she's a CF, IME of MN. Hmm

ittakes2 · 02/12/2018 15:12

I'm sorry - but I wouldn't. Especially being a single mum. My b'n'laws married single mums - its lovely as my b'n'laws treat their step children like their own and pay for them. He sounds like he doesn't even want to pay for himself - it would cause resentment.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 02/12/2018 15:15

Firstly, I think even though some might say it is old fashioned/sexist or whatever, there is something nice about a guy paying for the first date. It’s just what gentlemen do.
Second, he wont change - tight arses never do.
Thirdly, tight arseness is a very ugly trait.

BewareOfDragons · 02/12/2018 15:15

He’s an interesting and fun person whose company I enjoy but I refuse to pay for it!! If on the next date, he shows a reluctance to get his wallet out then that would be it for me.

I would be very up front with him now and not spend any more money on him. Tell him you make x times more than me, and I'm a single parent. I can't afford this. I like you, and I'm not asking you to pay my way, BUT so far you've stood there a couple of times while I've paid for you, AND I've paid more on our dates that YOU invited me on than you've paid. What's going on?

Then make him respond.

Beeziekn33ze · 02/12/2018 15:15

How sure are you that he has a good job? See him again but tell him you need to each pay for yourself on dates.

Rudgie47 · 02/12/2018 15:16

I'd go for a meal next time and just before leaving I'd go to the toilet and leave him sat there and having to pay.I'd sneak out and go home.LOL.
Hes taking the piss OP, I've known a fair few people like this and like the others say they will not change and it will be ongoing battle with him to get him to pay for things.

Openup41 · 02/12/2018 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

MissConductUS · 02/12/2018 15:21

I'm sure the last girlfriend of this attractive, interesting, relationship minded bloke desperately wanted to tattoo "Tight Arse" on his forehead when she broke up with him.

Shepherdspieisminging · 02/12/2018 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onceandneveragain · 02/12/2018 15:24

I think it's worth trying once more and the meal idea you've suggested is a good one.

People do have very different attitudes to money - it could be that as he is on a good wage a few quid for the cinema honestly doesn't register as here or there. Or it could be that he really likes you and is assuming that you will go on a lot more dates, he will pay for the next one, and it will work out equal. With the bar thing - if you only had three rounds obviously one of you would have paid twice, it just so happened to be you. Perhaps he thought you would stay for a fourth round. I know a few guys who have complained about online dating because they have been out with women who have absolutely rinsed them because they expect the man to pay for everything - and female friends who expect the same. Obviously you aren't at all like this but he could have been burned before and is 'testing' you in the same way you are evaluating him!

Of course it could equally be that he is tight - but if you do otherwise like him it would be a pity to dump him on an assumption when he could just be absent minded/thoughtless/ignorant of what being a single parent actually means financially and would be mortified if you raised it with him. Of course if you do raise it and he says 'Yes but you live closer to the cinema than me so I factored in £1.83 for my petrol' then you know to run screaming!

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2018 15:25

He's showing you the reason why he's single.

HollowTalk · 02/12/2018 15:27

I keep thinking about this man and shuddering. It's such a turn off.