Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Mulie Woke up to a massive misogynistic rant accusing me of being a prostitute!

Hahaha see the utter weirdos were my favourite thing about OLD, I miss them 😂

I know it can get disheartening though, just look at it as another funny story to tell when you finally meet a non weirdo!!

@mollysgirl that made me spit my tea out 😂 who even says that?? 😂😂

@Sunshineandflipflops my ex husband met his new partner on tinder and they recently got engaged, think it has a reputation as a hook up site but in reality I think you get both men and women wanting to hook up on all the sites as much as you get men and women who want to properly meet someone on the tinders and badoos of the world
It's all a numbers game.
I personally didn't like tinder as I found the app really glitchy and annoying and the pool of guys was fairly poor but I wouldn't say I was bombarded with sex requests on there any more than I was on any of the other sites!

sunshine I always viewed tinder as a hook up site but my 24 hours on there showed me it wasn't like that at all. I met 2 people, both genuine, and chatted with a few others who were lovely and not on for sex. There are some who are, as there are on bumble but it's a good site mainly because of the number of people on it AND men can message first which is great.

@midcenturylegs
Didn't fancy him? Or not much in common?

midcentury I tend to say thank you for such a lovely date. And then one of either - I'm sorry I didn't feel a spark or I really enjoyed your company but as a friend and I don't see anything further developing.

@DaffoDeffo Maybe I'll give it a try when I've licked my wounds a little longer.

I was so scared of Tinder being a hook up site that it put me off joining for ages. I’ve had the only message saying they were just looking for a hookup but politely and they didn’t pursue it.

Currently obsessing over why Mr London hasn’t replied to my WA from last night. Even though I know the answer. I need distracting!

I'm sorry you're feeling sad sunshine, and I hope seeing the guy tonight will be closure for you.

FWIW I have found Tinder very good indeed. It's straightforward and as pp have said, there are some men on for hook-ups but they tend to be quite open about that. I've met some really lovely people and some very entertainingly weird ones too. Very few boring ones. The only guy I've encountered who actually scared me a bit was on Match, and the only unsolicited dick pic was from Bumble. It's worth a try any road.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad sunshine, and I hope seeing the guy tonight will be closure for you.

Thank you.

Hi all, glad some dates are working out !

@Mulie what a statement for him to make, that's a new one on me, makes you wonder about the male of the species sometimes!!

@sunshine I haven't had much luck with Tinder, just Mr Redhead the otehr evening who i ended up having sex chat with. For me badoo has been ok as that is where I met Mr Italy. POF is okay once you wade through the weirdos and sex pests and match wasn't worth the money I'm paying for it!!!

Well, just back from Mr Italy's flat for our morning coffee date. He had trouble keeping his hands off me and I think he would have done it right there on the kitchen table if I had let him, but going to do this one properly and not jump into it like I did with Mr Cheekybanter.

He was very complimentary and we chatted for the most part, bit of snogging (and his wandering hands) and I did get some fanny gallops/fizzy knickers..... he even suggested out next date should be in public so that we have to behave lol.

And this is why you shouldn't let your guard down or over-invest.

Three dates in a week. All over 4 hours long. Plans to meet again on Thursday. Lots of easy flowing text and phone calls in between.

Right up to this afternoon when out of the blue he says he can't see me any more as he wants to try again with his ex.

I'm gutted. This was the first bloke in over year that I wanted to see again. We got on really well. I was the one holding back and I thought he was getting a bit too carried away.

Logically I know he's done nothing wrong. He's been honest (I hope). We hadn't dtd or agreed to be exclusive. But it still hurts.

I'm going away to sulk for a while. And to think about whether I actually want to bother with OLD again.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking Sorry to hear that - I have had the exact same message this morning, only I have been seeing him 6 weeks.

Same as you, I can't feel angry with him as he has 3 young children so if they feel they can work it out then they absolutely should but it still hurts that pride a little.

Oof myoldbrain I'm sorry to hear that

@brain and @sunshine, that's awful to hear, is it a woman thing to get so invested so early on? I think I saw a video by one of the American dating coaches (Elliott Scott on YouTube I think it was) that explained why women get invested so quickly and how you can try not to.

Thanks Sunshine
I've just seen your other thread. It hurts to be rejected for someone else, even if you know they've done the right thing.

In my case, it's not even his ex wife. Just an ex girlfriend that he still has feelings for.

@myoldbrain and @sunshine sorry you have both had similar disappointments. I think a lot of men do old too soon, women too possibly but I know lots of women work on themselves after a relationship ends, I'm not sure if men do that so much or just drop straight into dating.

I listen to the Single Smart Female podcast she has some good advice but as with all the dating “gurus” I find it best to take the bits from each that work for you. I’m with you all on the messaging back quickly. It’s just not possible all the time with a busy life.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking @Sunshineandflipflops - so sorry that this has happened to you both.

I do get where you're coming from. It's such a disappointment even if you've been trying so hard not to become invested.
I'm throwing myself in to work, therapy to deal with the ex, friends and organising things for my kid. Has kinda back-fired though as now I've actually got no time to see anyone!

Mulie I'll have to listen to that podcast

midcentury thanks, I had made myself busy so I wouldn't think too much about dating. Then he came along and made himself available to suit my busy life (even if it was for only a week).

While I understand that he couldn't carry on seeing me, what makes me angry is that he didn't just wake up this morning and think "I'll see if my ex girlfriend would like to try again". He'd obviously been in touch with her for a while.
Yet even this morning he was still discussing what we should do on our date on Thursday and asking me what my plans are for the weekend. He was the one that was pushing things forward, while I was trying to keep a cool head.

Omg!! I have a date on Thursday!! 😳 now what lol?

Seems like forever since I have done this!

Hi all, I'm new to old and need some advice. I've been messaging someone on old for about a week and it's got out of hand. I've never met him but he wants to buy me things, take me for dinner; I suppose that might be so far so normal but he's talking about getting engaged and beyond. I feel totally out of my depth. I don't want to be harsh though I feel like just disappearing tbh because he seems a nice person. How can I get out of this gently, is there such a way?

Username I'm afraid straight forward and clear is the only approach, and you might have to block him if he doesn't accept it. If you try to let him down gently you'll tie yourself up In knots.

username this is called lovebombing. In my opinion this is extreme and is likely to be a scam ie they'll ask for money in the end as they know they have a complete newbie. If you are still just on the OLD app/site I suggest you simply unmatch/block them then report them. No need to be gentle/nice.

@UsernameDeclined
You'll soon learn to stop being polite to everyone 😂
It does sound like lovebombing, either a scam or just a massive red flag if he's a real life human. They try suck you in, make you feel special blah blah blah and then end up being a controlling pig that kinda thing.
I used to either ignore or respond with a 'pipe down cowboy, buy me a pint and I'll see if I like you first' or something along those lines. Usually did the trick!

I think he's genuine, he's an older gent and I think he's been on his own for a while so is desperate to cling on. I liked him, there was no need for him to go overboard with the gifts thing and promises.We got on ok, no red flags. I asked him to scale back but I don't think it registered. I feel guilty, I don't want him spending money on me but it would worry me sick to just drop him. I think he's fragile.

Sorry @UsernameDeclined but you're not on OLD to look after anyone. I really think you need to be straight and up front with him if he's making you feel uncomfortable

It's not uncommon to come across 'fragile' men like this on OLD, if you try and appease all of them you'll end up spending all your time on the wrong people