Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@usernamedeclined I agree completely with Movember, he is lovebombing you. Please be very careful, i fell for this with my STBXH when I was 17 and a half and it took me 20 years to get rid of him!!!

www.bustle.com/p/what-are-the-signs-of-love-bombing-7-behaviors-to-watch-out-for-according-to-experts-77388

Can I join? I'm back online and just started talking with 6 people not sure yet if I'm feeling any of them, had a great date a just over a week ago and we both liked each other a lot and arranged second date then turns out he knows my ex husband really well, grew up together and though they haven't had contact for 10 years he thought it was wrong... really disappointing as first guy I've really liked and had good feeling about for ages.

Thanks for replies, some of the things in that link are just the type
of stuff he's done. The compliments are way overboard, it's embarrassing. Right, I'm going to have to rip the plaster off.

username he hasn't asked you to sail off in his yacht has he? We haven't seen removaliser for a while ;)

I like wishy's idea. The calm down sailor buy me a pint first is brilliant.

Sorry sunshine and oldbrain that you are feeling down :(

Mulie we’re having a chat on the phone later in the week. His job means there’s only certain days of the week he’s free at the moment (would love to tell you all what he does but it would be hugely outing) but I’m pretty confident we’ll get to see each other again over the next couple of weeks.
The date was the best date I’ve ever been on (and only my second ever second date) and it’s going at the perfect pace for me, which also seems to be the perfect pace for him. Can I get an “AMEN”???
Oh and Looming Test well and truly passed. Although there will be no looming for a while yet.....

I’ve got a chance to read back in a bit so I can contribute to the thread a bit more: sorry for just barging in and dumping my bags recently, as it were

Good evening !

What's the looming test??

I'm intrigued!

Lol.

Just tried to Google looming test and found a lot of information about mice... I'm assuming That's not it !

Hi all

So it’s been a week since me and mr ego have been official...we have seen each other four times already and have a nice date night planned tomorrow.

He has invited me to meet his family in two weeks time and I have agreed. I don’t know why though I’m not fully sold it will happen I’m worried he’ll go in one of his moods again although he has told me this isn’t happening he wants me and only me. I think my self esteem is just shit

You need to (try to) imagine them looming over you as you DTD and decide whether that would be acceptable or not.

Although, that said, the BF obviously passed the looming test. But in practice (when ex has been the only man I’d slept with in something like 12 years) it was still a bit odd experiencing someone new looming over me, however much I fancied him. That passed quickly though.

Ok how keen is too keen? We've been texting back and forth all day. Gaps in between, but pretty solidly!

We've arranged a date for Thursday night and I'm bricking it!!

Self esteem is in the toilet already, so I'm finding it a bit hard to believe he likes me

@wishywashy "pipe down" I will remember to use that if I need to..
I think their really are people that prey on newbies though. I know that when I'm chatting to someone that is new to OLD, I live in hope that they haven't built up an ego or inconsiderate bad habits

@thelaststraw123 Feeling the same and don't want to blow it by appearing too keen.

She messaged me earlier asking about our fourth date (which will be in the space of a week since we first met), she asked if I fancied going to the cinema and maybe dinner, I said yes obviously and she said she would book it.

She then got back to me and said 'Blimey fourth date! Haven't had one of those in a while'. I replied saying 'I know, me either but it's so nice' and ended it with the heart emoji eyes thing, she replied with just the heart emoji eyes back so I kind of think we're both on the same page.

Trying not to get over invested but I've already cancelled all my irons as it just felt wrong even just chatting to others let alone arranging to go out with them. I know we're both busy over the weekend and a few days next week so it might give us a bit of time apart to maybe miss each other if that's a thing.

How do you all deal with those flakey ones that just ask how you are but it never goes any further after one/zero dates?

I don't feel comfortable with blocking them as it just went quiet or they showed little interest. Seems harsh as they are nice but just... uninterested. I've been told blocking is highly offensive! Do you bother sending a courteous message when it's gone quiet for like, a week??

Tbh, I have blocked before but then awkwardly I have passed a couple when out and about. You should see how I power walked past them with my head down! They weren't even in the same borough. Talk about small world.

Makes me wanna only date guys 100 miles away!

1stdate I don't block but I do wish people well in their search if they are being flakey or not setting up that next date. I hate those chats that go nowhere. In fact I did it today , Mr Music hadn't set up date 3 so I messaged him today to call time politely . He was cool about it and sent a nice one back. I feel better doing that, feels like closure too.

@cool I can't bare the small talk after a while. It's just how are you, busy day, lol, or whatever. I feel obligated to answer with a one-liner but he's not making efforts to arrange anything. So now, I don't reply. I don't have the energy to remember to compose an uninterested, 'hows work' message.

What is it with people who just want to date out of boredom or just to occasionally message? What a waste of my time!

From reading this thread, I guess it's better to know they're a time waster early on.

@1stdatejiggyness

Totally get what you mean.
I heard back from they guy who's flaky tonight.
I held back and he finally text saying.
Hey 🙂 how's things?
You must be looking forward to your holiday.

I replied back within an hour but was similar two line response.
Then I got distracted watching t.v. do didn't saying much to him.

But yeh just feels like he s suddenly remembered me and is saying hello again out of pity.

@Sighhhhh85 what do you mean by 'one of his moods' ??

@DaffoDeffo username he hasn't asked you to sail off in his yacht has he? We haven't seen removaliser for a while ;)
😂😂

sighh was just coming in to ask you to clarify what you meant by ‘one of his moods’ but wishy beat me to it? Having only met 4 times I would be wary of ‘moods’ from people-very early days to be demonstrating that side of his personality-especially if you haven’t done anything to warrant them being in a mood-he should be showing you his best sides still at the moment. That being said I think im just very wary having been burnt so many times...
Off to return couple of Xmas presents I got for Mr Weekend today. I know it’s for the best but still not heard anything - would have just liked a proper conversation for closure - but he still hasn’t blocked me on anything.rich all sounds good with your flame.

Have I been ghosted?- 5 days no contact. Last conversation ended normally, no warning signs. Highly unusual as Mr X would ring everyday. I haven't called either. Really liked him. Maybe I should add he said from the beginning he just wanted to be friends. Wondering if he got bored.

koko what's happened with Mr Weekend, has he just done the slow fade?
1stdate I've decided after alot of time wasters to set deadlines in my head. Say a week after meeting online, date needs to be suggested. Within a week of a date, the next date needs to be suggested. I wasted loads of time at the start giving people loads of chances. This way works for me. I'm a decisive person so I need a guy to be the same. And nothing is less attractive than a flake.

Also interested on the moods thing.

Just unmatched someone who got arsey and dramatic as I didn't reply to his 8pm message quickly enough! Some men wonder why they are single.....

I have a new iron. Not sure on a name. I'm thinking MrIce. He's super chatty, interesting and I smile whenever he messages. And we have a date this weekend. He's also local which I struggle to find. Let's see.

Mr Ex is still messaging. The initial excitement of hearing from him has worn off a bit I must say. Especially as he hasn't organised to see me yet. He's also told me he's moving back home in the new year to save. Which would really limit how much I would see him realistically. I'm kind of wondering why he's in touch to be honest. Our chats are nice and pleasant but we're not killing ourselves laughing or anything.

New to the thread, and entirely new to OLD. I signed up to an app last night and it's all a bit bizarre isn't it. I'm early forties and a few months out of a longish marriage.
I'm skimming through the thread.
I think I might well be swiping away lots of ok guys that I would probably give a chance to in the pub, but it's easy to be extra extra picky isn't it

Bit of hand holding here peeps after my big ' I'm too thin skinned for OLD ' last weekend. Sods law, the day I decide I've had enough, this lovely bloke texts me who I had given my number to on the Friday but heard nothing (till the Monday). We planned to meet last Friday but due to my childcare issues, had to be cancelled so we book something two weeks later. Anyway, I also said I prefer not to chat too much prior to any meet. Since last Friday, no contact at all and I was overthinking so I texted yesterday evening to say I was looking forward to meeting up. Nothing in response though this was text and not WhatsApp. Now I know he isn't a big texter, has his child 50/50 and I'm also his first online date but I'm feeling quite gutted as we got on so well on the phone and online and we were both excited to meet. He might still text I guess but at the moment I'm thinking I've been ghosted a bit and I don't get it. I'm a bit infuriated as I had planned to give this all up but have been reeled back in to get disappointed again!

@lannister you might have just been ghosted for a better offer unfortunately. My friend on one of the dating sites did this to me, we got on like a house of fire but had agreed friends for various reasons. He went full on into looking for women, and didn't contact me much after a while. When sex is on offer, men chase that!

I met up with the guy I had been seeing for 6 weeks last night who told me yesterday that he felt he needed to give his marriage another go.

I almost didn't go but it was the best non-date date we've been on. Minus the kissing, for obvious reasons, it was lovely and he was lovely.

Of course now my stupid brain is making me want him more now that I can't have him. I think without the pressure of it being a date we were both more relaxed and we talked for 3 hours really easily. I wished him all the best and told him I hope it works out with his wife, while trying to hide that fast that I was gutted!

coolcahuna have pm’d you. In agreement with all on frustration with flakey men...although I would prefer to find out early on than waste any more time on anyone. my main concern is how to avoid men that could potentially be dangerous-having children etc it is a worry but then I guess anyone you met in RL could be dangerous anyway.