Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@unique1986 if he texted you asking what you were up to and you didn't respond, I'd assume that meant you weren't interested so maybe he has taken that hint. I think it would be different if it had just ended with a natural close if you know what I mean. Why not text to say hi, keep momentum going and say you definitely want to meet in New year?

I want to join

I have a second date tomorrow night and I’m trying really really hard to not get over invested and failing miserably. It’s tricky as my job/life means I don’t have time to go on dates more than once a week tops and I don’t like endlessly chatting before a date as I lose interest. I also mostly can’t be bothered, I only log on once every couple of weeks as mostly quite happy single and have a lot going on at the moment!

BUT got talking to this one, I’ll call her Ms Spa because she was at a spa when we got talking (we’re both female for context) and wasn’t too sure about her as couldn’t really tell what she looked like from photos and just comes across a little...odd over messages and sometimes would go a good day and a half without replying but thought why not.

Went for a drink and whoa. Much better than her photos and we got on so well, lots of laughing and so much to talk about, suddenly 5 hours had passed and we had to run for the last train. We work in the same industry which is something I find really attractive 😳 and also gives us endless things to talk about and means we understand/respect each other’s working hours (because frankly they’re a nightmare and overtime is last minute and not in any way optional) Before we left, she said she had a really nice time and wanted to meet again and gave me the loveliest smile.

Took a while to set up the second date, both had to check work schedules and then she didn’t reply for a day and a half which made me a bit worried that she’d changed her mind but I’ve come to the conclusion she just doesn’t text very much. Which is actually nice and I like not making conversation 24/7 for the sake of it but I need to relax about it a little!

Going for dinner and cocktails tomorrow night for date 2! Need to pull myself back and stop overinvesting but it’s incredibly rare that I like someone so much, I’m a bit of an antisocial cow really.

@Foreverlexicon sounds like it's going well, definite second date on the cards too rather than game playing you hear about here. Enjoy! Interesting you mentioned people not being much of a texter. I'm a SAHM and my phone is permanently to hand so if someone doesn't text much, it used to raise flags for me but actually sounds like these types are more common than I thought.

Rate of texting varies for me, in the evening I might respond almost immediately depending what I'm doing, during the day I could be in a 3 hour meeting, or just busy at work and not reply for hours. People have jobs and kids and lives but it's so easy to get used to instant responses and think anything less is game playing.

Hi, just checking in again.

I remember this time last year, I had spent a week in hospital, a day later had a close family members funeral and the day after that was dumped by a guy I met on OLD. It was also the week before my birthday. I was crushed! I went on a few more first dates but started to really not enjoy dating anymore. I told everyone I was deleting Tinder for Christmas. Christmas Eve I matched with the guy I am still seeing and (although I sometimes jump back onto the thread for support as I do still overthink) things are going well. We will be spending this christmas together skiing in the Alps.

Anyway, the message I am trying to get across is - it can happen when you least expect it or when don't expect too much.

@MinnieMul7 that's fantastic
Have an amazing Christmas!

That is great news @MinnieMul7. I’m glad it’s going well for you.

@Eesha
I did reply saying what I was up to and asked him the same qu.
I just didn't reply back.
But yes I might text later today saying how the weeks going.

@unique1986 ah I get it now, yes drop him a note, at least you know either way what's happening.

MinnieMul7 great news. It's lovely to hear that OLD does work sometimes. Gives us hope.

thelaststraw and Foreverlexicon welcome.

unique I'm a bit confused.
You said "So I last texted a guy on Friday evening after he asked me what I was doing on the weekend, he said how he was quite busy doing few things. I never replied"
Is it just that you feel the chat isn't really going anywhere?
I get bored if I just end up exchanging "how was your day" messages.

I don't have any rules for texting. If I want to reply straightaway then I will. But if I'm busy then I'll do it later. Late evening then it's more likely to be a continuous exchange of texts but during the day most people are busy.
And I don't go with the rule that if I sent the last text then he has to send the next one.

@minniemul7 that is lovely news. So pleased for you.

@covermelads mr Hopkins sounds promising. Have you arranged another date yet?

There are some really nice success stories on the thread at the moment. Gives me hope but....

After chatting to lovely guy that wanted to be kept in a cage, I had a couple of days off the apps to gather my thoughts. I must be going for the wrong guys. They can’t all be weirdos on old?
Chatting to a nice chap for a couple of days, date pencilled in, move onto WhatsApp, chat immediately turns smutty and he wants to talk to me on the phone. When I said that I wasn’t interested in sex chat before we met, he disappeared but was online obviously looking for someone who would oblige.
I’m used to this so, disappointed but not surprised I continue to chat with another man I have been talking to. He suddenly got all weird. Offering me free business advice and saying that I was refusing to engage and making him work for it when I politely declined and said I would prefer to get to know him rather than pick his business brain. I said goodnight. Woke up to a massive misogynistic rant accusing me of being a prostitute!

I know I’m not over Mr Flakey and I let that run on far too long, 2 and a half years of broken promises and empty words but it’s so rare that I find anyone attractive these days, I find it so hard to let go of a vaguely sane one that gives me fizzy knickers.

The general weirdness really puts me off old and I’m finding I’m becoming quite wary of men in general. How do you keep going back and keep it fun?

stubborn there is an option where you pay and can shake your phone if you accidentally swipe the wrong way and it reinstates them on bumble. It wasn't v expensive from memory.

Had a long chat with MrDisappearing. I am totally smitten with him sigh. I let him come to me and that was the right thing to do. I can't and won't push for a meet up - I'm not free till the weekend and nor is he but his availability depends on how long he needs to stay away sorting out this crisis. He is saying things like 'I'll tell you in full when I see you'. Argh we will see.

I had a lovely message from a bloke last night. Bit of general chat, all fine. Then he says sexual connection is v important to me (red flag). I said me too
Then it’s night night and then
He says “hope your clit is warm”

(not envy)

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking

I totally agree with you, yes he sent the last text, but I do not play mind games.
He should not be thinking, 'Oh I was the last to text, her turn now'
If anyone wants to text they can.
And yes I felt the texts were a little boring, we have already met once.
So know decent amount, maybe interest has gone a little.
The meet was better than I thought, but because he knew he was obv busy the following weekend, he did not try to fit me in.
And now its gone eeek.
ps late night/early morning. Excuse the errors

Also yes I could text lots in half an hour, then nothing for hours.
Really depends where I am, if my phone is next to me.

I can text a lot but if I'm busy at work, I can be busy for hours and not send anything back.

Someone once unmatched me because I didn't respond to a message the same day.

I had never heard of Matthew hussey till you lot and I did watch one where he said if someone isn't getting back to you quick ish then they aren't thinking of you and I do think that's totally wrong.

Hi, I posted a thread about my sorry love life but maybe I should have posted it in here as I'm sure someone will have had similar experiences...!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3442245-Going-back-to-his-ex

Oh god thanks shit
Just another tosspot.

Holding out for nice dates with the 2 irons lined up for the weekend....

I’ve been lurking for a while now but not brave enough to post. I think I might be dating the thread!!
I have 2 irons, one lives in London (I’m in the north) and one lives locally. Things were going well with Mr London but he has started to cool off and we dont have the next date arranged... I’m not as in to Mr Local although he is more responsive to messages and keen. I’m hating wattsapp and being able to see when messages have been read and when people are online. I’m sure it makes me more obsessive than I would normally be!
So I’m still on tinder and bumble and swiping...

I'm jumping in!!

First off, what is an iron?

I'm up to date 5 with a lovely man. I met him on TINDER of all places, only looking for a laugh and an ego boost, but then we really got on. It's only been a month and I'm trying not to get invested. It had been years since I'd been in the 'dating pool' and my historic experiences of OLD were pretty horrific. We've done drinks, movie at his, drinks, dinner, movie at mine. And an evening out planned for next week.

I've not even been single very long and although I was hoping to be reminded that there are far lovelier men than my ex... I wasn't looking for this connection! But single life is tiring me already. Two of my male friends have gone weird and started alluding to dates and I'm quite upset and offended with them Perhaps I should be flattered but I saw them as being like family.

What are general opinions of Tinder? I have been on and off Bumble - is it similar but men can make the first move?
I have to be honest, I have always viewed Tinder as a hook up site, rather than for serious dating/meting someone but posts on here have made me think otherwise.
My subscription on Match ends soon and I won't be renewing as although I have met a few nice guys on there, they have been few and far between and I seem to mostly attract man who are too old/young for me or just not my type at all.

@Mulie and @MollysGirl - you've both had some awful experiences - I am so sorry!
FFS what is it with men behaving like that. I'd report them (although I doubt it'd be taken seriously)!
I haven't had any men like that contact me but perhaps it's because I'm just maybe picking super boring looking men with (on Bumble) they have "have kids and don't want more").
Had a date with a lovely guy last night but really wasn't suited to him. He was really nice and we chatted for a good couple of hours really easily though but...
But I need advice on how to say "no thanks" really kindly?

@mollysgirl.. "hope your clit is warm".. pmsl in work training!
I've been asked how I keep things "oiled" down there after just a few messages exchanged!