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Original poster

Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

986 replies

DaffoDeffo · 01/12/2018 16:10

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Pushreset · 03/12/2018 22:31

Thank you guys... I haven't caved but I still haven't heard anything. I want to be wanted... I am the prize indeed! Sometimes I think I am just too kind and caring..... It always seems like men run after the women who treat them awfully! Why is that!

unique1986 · 03/12/2018 22:59

So I last texted a guy on Friday evening after he asked me what I was doing on the weekend, he said how he was quite busy doing few things.
I never replied, mainly cos I just didn't feel I had to, and wasn't much else to say. Plus he never asked to meet up so.
Anyway he never texted last night or today...
I've deleted him from whatsapp, thinking if he wants to message me he will..

Guessing he has lost interest ?

I used to be OK waiting few days for a text, but think things have changed a bit now.. What with seeing people are on whatsapp

coolcahuna · 03/12/2018 23:26

unique, tricky one, if he sent the last message then he might be thinking you're not interested. I'm with you on waiting a few days for messages. I think at the start , if they are interested they will make contact every day in some form or other.

I'm also losing patience when there is a big gap between dates or they aren't taking the lead on that at the start.

TwiceMagic · 03/12/2018 23:31

Personally I’m not sure I’m on board with what Matthew Hussey suggests there. When I met my BF I never felt like either of us were instigating messaging more than the other. And it still does. I think I’d have felt really uncomfortable never messaging first.

Although, I don’t think there’s a single right answer about how to approach messaging (rather than smug advice from the smitten bench about what should happen for everyone). I’m pretty sure the patterns of our relationship would not appeal to lots of/most other people. I’m sure that I failed to follow rule 3 - quite spectacularly. That probably wasn’t wise.

The key thing is that you are getting texting anxiety waiting for a reply @Pushreset. And you feel like it isn’t reciprocal in initiation. He needs to step up his game. Maybe @JeSuisPrest‘s strategy will work better for you than the current situation.

TwiceMagic · 03/12/2018 23:33

That paragraph makes remarkably little sense. Sorry.

If I’d written it in actual English it would say:

Personally I’m not sure I’m on board with what Matthew Hussey suggests there. When I met my BF I never felt like either of us was instigating messaging more than the other. And it still feels totally reciprocal. I think I’d have felt really uncomfortable never messaging first.

richdeniro · 03/12/2018 23:43

Another amazing date. This was the third and we have lined up the fourth for Thursday. We had a lovely meal on Charlotte Street, then had a few drinks in a pub nearby and randomly ended up playing pool and kissing in my office on Tottenham Court Road.

I'm amazed at how things I would consider normal are things that take her breath away. Like just paying for dinner tonight, she found that amazing even though it was me who said I wanted to take her out. Also I didn't insist on staying at hers tonight despite the fact we slept together on Saturday. Is this not normal behaviour?

unique1986 · 03/12/2018 23:45

Yes it's difficult when you've only met once and haven't arranged a 2nd meet.
It can easily fizzle out.
But at the same time I don't like want to make small talk.
I don't want to be paranoid thinking oh it's been nearly two days I've gotta text.
I'm not ready for a relationship atm and he knows I'm going away soon.
Not much point.
But I can't see us meeting in the new year if there's little contact till then.
Oh well time for a break.

unique1986 · 03/12/2018 23:53

@Rich
Why would you insist on staying at hers tonight?
I assume you've both got work tomorrow.
Or why would anyone insist.
Monday night is very different to a Friday night.

wishywashy6 · 03/12/2018 23:56

I agree with @TwiceMagic (although I'm not sure if the smug/smitten comment was aimed at me there 🤷🏼‍♀️😂)
I don't think there is a right or wrong as such but I don't think it's ever crossed my mind if I should text him first or not. It never felt like I was putting in more effort than him but I'd have felt a bit like I was playing games if I'd never text him first.

I think if it's causing so much stress or taking up that much headspace then either send a message saying what you need to say or walk away.

@richdeniro fantastic news! So glad it's going well for you Smile

wishywashy6 · 03/12/2018 23:59

@unique1986 I think Rich was meaning she was impressed by the fact he didn't make the assumption he would be, having already spent the night together on Saturday. I suppose many would assume they'd be spending the night after having done it once already?
Mine did no matter what night of the week it was! 😂

coldlocation · 04/12/2018 00:00

Urgh urgh. I ended up agreeing to meet Mr Flakey for a drink on a 'not a date' basis... He was waaay worse looking than in his pics, less amusing, got pissed, got maudlin, didn't take me saying I wasn't attracted well and was really letchy and admitted to being depressed and lonely. Shudder. Worst non date date ever.

richdeniro · 04/12/2018 00:03

I don't know either really to be honest - I'm guessing it's the culture of dating apps especially in London. I waited with her at the bus stop and she said she found it refreshing despite the fact we'd slept together that I wasn't expecting it. Neither of us had work tomorrow though.

unique1986 · 04/12/2018 00:03

Oh right ok .
I guess early days in a relationship you don't want any rules.

wishywashy6 · 04/12/2018 00:05

@coldlocation ewww sounds awful!

richdeniro · 04/12/2018 00:07

Thanks @wishywashy6. I haven't got this far for years in terms of normal dating so it's hard to try and keep my feet on the ground. So far I think she is feeling the same and she even said she was wanting to see me sooner than Thursday and how she has been trying to plan her week in order that she could see me again :)

coldlocation · 04/12/2018 00:09

Yes it was awful....and made me realise I'm still pathetically not wholly over Mr BTO (wholly emotionally unavailable, confirmed batchelor, sexual dysfunction). Dagnammit

TwiceMagic · 04/12/2018 00:12

(although I'm not sure if the smug/smitten comment was aimed at me there 🤷🏼‍♀️😂)

No. It was aimed at myself. 😂

wishywashy6 · 04/12/2018 00:17

@TwiceMagic haha 😂 you can sit next to me on the bench then 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

thelaststraw123 · 04/12/2018 00:17

Hi, can I join you guys?
Just joined up with bumble and having a few chats with people.

Looking for dating but nothing massively long term at the moment as last relationship was the biggest disaster ever (violence)

Any advice is greatly received

TwiceMagic · 04/12/2018 00:17

Glad it’s going well @richdeniro.

Mr Flakey does not sound like a catch @coldlocation. Not a pleasant non-date experience for you. Imagine what he’d have been like/expected had it been a date?

wishywashy6 · 04/12/2018 00:18

@richdeniro fingers crossed it continues!
It's nice when it feels easy isn't it? ☺️

wishywashy6 · 04/12/2018 00:19

@thelaststraw123 welcome! Of course you can! Ask anything you need to Smile

TwiceMagic · 04/12/2018 00:19

I already am @wishywashy6. There’s plenty of room for everyone over here. 😄

MadCatEnthusiast · 04/12/2018 01:08

Just had the evening in doing some work and rewatching Chewing Gum. I swear, there’s something about Connor (Robert Lonsdale)

I wouldn’t even go for a guy like Connor but, does he look handsome or what? Besides, Robert looks handsome in every character he does.

I’d recommend you all to watch it on 4od if you haven’t Grin

MadCatEnthusiast · 04/12/2018 01:09

I’ve been single too long that I’ve got to the point that I’m crushing on characters 😭

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