Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

That not gay!

I think you might be right about it only ending in hurt rollseyes.

We have dtd koko and are definitely compatible in that way. There's a lot of chemistry and even he said we tick so many of each other's boxes in all ways. I don't get it really....I think part of it is that he also wants to build up his work and needs to be "free" to have the creativity to do that (he's an artist) but I don't really see how things have to be either or. He sounded confused in some parts yesterday and was crying but maybe ultimately he does just want his cake and eat it.

I like the idea of saying come back when you know what you want and I may or may not be free. I just wonder if I'm strong enough to do that right now. I suppose at least it means I'd be free to explore others too although I'm not really feeling bothered at the moment!

Just popping in, haven’t really been putting my heart and sole into dating for a while now but this week I have got loads of messages on POF, has anyone else found it really busy? Is it just men panicking that they don’t have a partner for Christmas?

Anyway, despite the many messages there’s not many of interest, one has mental health issues and no job (has been depressed since his wife left him 8 years ago), another is a bit of a mad hippy member of a band and today I got an offer from a toy boy who wants to come and do my housework (I was very tempted).

A old Irwin has reappeared, we spoke for a long time last year, I think we spoke for too long and eventually he found someone better and diasapeared, I really liked him, we had lots in common and he seemed genuine, he has been stalking my Facebook page for a few weeks (he comes up on ‘people you may know’, we have no friends in common and he’s not on my contacts on my phone so he must have been looking at my profile?). Anyway today he appeared back on POF and had looked at my profile so I messaged him just asking how he was, we chatted for a couple hours and have arranged to meet up after Christmas. I’m feeling excited and not nervous at all (unlike me). There are a few amber flags with him but I think that’s just me being silly, they are not major issues.

Yesterday I received I dick pic from someone I have been talking too for a while, it wasn’t pretty, not what I wanted to see on a Sunday morning whilst nursing a hangover.

So much going on here on this thread at the mo & so much of it is good!!!

@push my recommendation is to let that be. Got myself in a right muddle with some one like that recently and it ended up being more painful for me than I want to admit for the duration. Truly fascinating guy but very messed up and still is.

So had date 4 with MrAC on Saturday. The sleepover date.... it was pretty good but I’m not blown away.
He’s absolutely lovely, really smart, very attentive, kind and fun
But still I’m not sure....
sigh

So date with MrTinder was meh! Really wished I could have liked him but I just did not get that spark. He asked me out on a second date but I haven't replied. Do people ghost or politely say sorry you're not for me?

@VetOnCall wow how exciting! Wishing you all the best
@Whoknows11 what a shame about your fwb but from past experience I would say its better to leave things now because it can get very painful

@lannister I'd send a polite note, I hate ghosting in any form!

@Eesha thanks. I've just replied being honest and polite and let them down gently

clamig - walk away with your dignity intact otherwise you'll be doing the 'pick me' dance.
love - that sounds promising.
Mollys - I think MrPara and I will DTD on Weds. I am so worried it wont be good and will spoil everything as he ticks so many boxes. I was spoilt by MrWow (big sigh)
lannister - as you've been on a date, I'd say it's polite to msg and say you didn't feel the spark and wish him good luck then block.

Morning all!

Quick question - has anyone used the Spice Dating site/app?

mid-century, nope never heard of that one, is it new?

I've not heard a peep from MrRanty since our odd conversation on Sunday evening, I'm guessing he's embarrassed. I'm not one to ghost so I think I might message him today and wish him well.

@coolcahuna - I don't know tbh but it's come recommended by a male colleague so will give it a go

@coolcahuna - I'd do that too. Do unto others etc..

I have a new date tonight! Mr Scouse. My Fwb said he wants a relationship so that’s ended. And Mr London has said he wants to do NYE with me!

I wish things were simpler!!

Afternoon y'all, quick update for me.

I am still seeing my old FWB but I think we are officially an item now. I have started to meet his friends, he stays whenever I dont have the kids, and we have actually left the house together after months and months of secrecy. I finally told my ex about him, kids still dont know and I have no plans right now to introduce them.

I still have some working out to do if this is going to work longer term, he is a real character and I am getting to know him better (on and off its been 18 months we have been seeing each other). He is kind, helpful, and I feel safe and calm when he is around. He leads a very simple life and we have quite different circumstances so there is some learning to do, but we both equally respct that and we both have lots of outside interests etc. We are an amazing physical match, the emotional connection is building and it feels nice. Neither have said the L word, and I am not ready to completely let myself go, but he understands me well.

Before I had a very small cheek on the smitten bench, now atleast two thirds are firmly planted. Whether it lasts or doesn't for whatever reason, he has enriched my life, helped work through some insecurities and left over issues from my previous relationship. He has told his friends he has never felt better :)

What a lovely update pudding I think slow and steady is sensible especially for women like us with children.

I use to want the full blown connection - but after one marriage and then a 4 year LTR ignoring red flags I'm enjoying the slow burn

Stayed up all night talking to my iron, now feeling tired (luckily my day off), he’s trying very hard to meet me before Christmas, keeps saying he could come to me but I want to wait until after Christmas and meet half way. He’s off this week but has his ex’s dd staying with him at the end of the week so we will meet the weekend after Christmas. I really hope I like him when I meet him, he’s a bit of a hippy (so am I) but is more sociable than I am, he has lots of friends and I don’t.

I have a couple other irons but since this one has shown his face again the others don’t seem as interesting.

pudding, lovely update. I'm all for the slow burn now too, I also sometimes want the rush and excitement but its never ended well so need to remind myself of that.

mid-century, thanks for the advice, I have just send him a short note saying it didn't feel right and wishing him all the best. Hate this as you then dread the reply but its the right thing to do.

notcool, exciting who's the date with?

@midcenturylegs a couple of friends used to do Spice. It's more of a social meet up thing than dating though. Not everybody on there is looking for a date most use it to just widen their social circle.

My friends had fun though

On a date with MrM who turned up and is adorable. He had booked a hotel so we are there together. We have known each other a while now. Problem for me is whether he is relationship material or not...I guess I've just got to enjoy it while it lasts and see if we can sustain something...! He is almost as bad as MrDisappearing when it comes to unreliability. If we could just frame it as FWB that would be fine but he says he wants a proper relationship and that's where I struggle...

I have never heard of spice midcentury sounds interesting!

@DaffoDeffo I've been thinking about you and wondering what's going on!
Kid's Christmas concert now (yawn - #terribleMum) so can't chat but keep us posted! But have fun and stay safe x

Hope you don’t mind me jumping on the thread. Have been watching with interest and good to know it’s not just me that has these ups and downs on OLD. After calling off 5 month ‘relationship’ with someone off Tinder, exactly same situ as you whoknows11 😓 I’ve tried Bumble this time round. I had a very brief, and I mean very brief, message back and forth just the once with one guy yesterday, and this afternoon I get a ‘Hi Dontsay have you got a full length picture of yourself you can send me? this guy says he’s looking for a relationship! Am I being arsey to take offence at this request. It’s very cattle markety, but yeah, I know, I’m on a dating site where first impressions count. I feel like saying, let’s chat first and if you want to meet up, you can check me out then! Am sure lots of you have had this request too.... what did you do? Am I being silly to be offended? 🤔

@Dontsayyouloveme Just my impression from it; I would say that he is extremely superficial. You're right about everyone being guilty of it in some form when it comes to OLD (mainly because you have to fancy someone right?) but actually asking for something like that before a first date would be a red flag for me.

I've had women ask me for selfies and such before going on a first date and I find that these types of women are very shallow... there is usually enough to go on from someones profile these days without having to ask for more pics. They expect someone to be supermodel material and will always be on the lookout for someone better who in all likelihood doesn't even exist.

Just my two pence worth when it comes to that type of thing.

richdeniro - thanks for your reply. Much appreciated, especially from a mans point of view. Yeah I kinda feel like he’s checking if I’m good enough to meet or not. And leaves me with the impression that he thinks he’s ‘all that’. Was married to that type and I’m not going there again! Totally agree you have to find someone attractive but there’s five pictures of me up there for him to decide one way or another! He clearly swiped right so it’s a matter of ‘let’s chat and you’ll see how amazing my personality is too’ 😉😉 [joke]. Case in point bring my Tinder ‘relationship, wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him initially but as I got to know him, I fancied the arse off him! So yeah, it’s superficial. I’m going to unmatch him immediately!!

Thanks again! ☺️.

Ps. You’re not in the NorthWest are you? You sound such a lovely man!! Hee hee 😉

@Dontsayyouloveme do you have any full length pics up anyway? I got a guy to check out my profile and he said full length was a must, just to see if someone was obese or too skinny. Very superficial but I included my full length anyway!