Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

lannister good luck with your date

Daffo hope you and Mr Music manage to meet and it goes well

shitwith why not?

I have not one but two dates lined up for tomorrow - I know, I being greedy!
Coffee date in the morning with Mr Dog. Then meal out in the evening with Mr Travel.
Neither are looking for a serious relationship, just company and some good sex, I hope

@Koko Yep I told her about everything. We met for coffee yesterday and obviously she didn't know it was coming so I told her as soon as we sat down so we didn't get into anything else. I could see she was disappointed but said she was glad I was honest with her. I also gave her a Christmas present I bought her a couple of weeks ago, it was only a couple of those big gin classes that are all the rage now, she mentioned a couple of weeks ago that she wanted them.

I tried to be as tactful as I could and said it was nothing to do with her and that I just wasn't really feeling with her what I felt I should be at this stage, I also mentioned that I saw a photo of my ex with her new guy which hit me for six. She sympathised with me about how finding someone who you click with through OLD is so hard and how I was feeling about my ex and completely understood that I probably needed more time. I feel awful about it but guess it was for the best, she said we could stay in touch and maybe see how we feel in the new year but I told her to please not wait for me.

@shit - I agree with others - just go with it!
@daffo - sounds super interesting and promising re MrMusic, just wish you could tell us more haha..
@cool - sounds like your wildcard date is definitely someone to run away from... someone drunken texting you a little is fine (an indicator that you're in their thoughts? and it is the silly season..) but to start ranting is definitely a red flag..
Also agree with @Daffo on everybody to be careful as I think it's probably around now that people can throw caution to the wind a little. Not me, as I'm boring I think! And anyone I have been chatting to doesn't have any time before Christmas, which I completely understand because neither do I..
@Rich - sounds like you did the right thing, especially by saying that she shouldn't wait for you. It probably might have hurt her more than she showed, but unfortunately that is life. My mantra is is "deal with life with dignity" - seems like you both were doing the same.

rich sounds like you let her down gently and respectfully.

You sound like a real gent

Anyone else just wishing 2018 will end already, had such a shit year and it's not getting any better!

Have a date planned with MrParamedic on Wednesday night but I'm not feeling it, he's very keen which is putting me off - which I don't understand as I wanted the other one to be more keen in which he wasn't!

rich, you sound very kind and you've done the right thing. I was in a similar situation this time last year when I wasn't really feeling it and he 100% was and was trying to plan holidays and things - had to tell him and felt dreadful but its better than stringing someone along :-(.

daffo I'm excited for you!

Thanks midcentury, yeah I don't mind a drunken text convo but I think he revealed a few personality traits that don't sit well with me. Blanket hatred for the Police - why, what has he done to have that reaction? Asking me what I thought of our date - fine but then saying twice that he didn't think I thought much of him - NO. We've all got our insecurities but I'm not here to reassure someone after a quick coffee.

Its draining sometimes!

I think I'm just going to forget about Bumble and any more irons until Christmas and 2018 are done. apparently I agree with you, just want to fast forward to Spring 2019!

I wonder how vet is getting on

Hi Daffo, and everyone else I'm doing great thank you! I just had a big catch up with the thread as I want to know how everyone is getting on. I'm still here in Canada, 10 weeks and counting now. It's apparently unseasonably mild for this time of year at the moment but there's been snow and ice on the ground pretty much constantly since October, it hit -20 when we were in Banff last weekend and we've been walking on frozen lakes so mild is a relative term 😂 Despite the minus temperatures I love it here though, and things with Mr Canada are all good - he bought and insured a second car for me to use last month so he must be serious 😄 It took a few days to get used to driving on the wrong side of the car and the road but I'm zipping around the city now and getting to know my way around pretty well.

I'm not sure I believe in 'soul mates' but we are two peas in a pod and despite some normal adjustments to such a massive life change for both of us, and general life stresses, we just get on so well. We have so much fun together and we're definitely a team. I've met all his friends and colleagues now as well who are all lovely. Canada is amazing too, we've been taking ice skating lessons which are hilarious and I'm now a full-on fan of the city's ice hockey team - it's massive here - we've been to a few home games and the atmosphere is brilliant.

Anyway, I'll be halfway through my allowed time here very soon so we have big decisions to make about the best way for me to stay on and starting the process to make it permanent. Neither of us has any doubts that that's what we want though, and once that's underway in January then we will fly my dog over which will be the best thing as I miss her terribly. I'm missing my friends and especially my family, and especially at this time of year, but all in all we're really happy, we're all set for our first Christmas and New Year together. He's the best and I still can't believe it happened 😄

Christ that's long, sorry. TL;DR: I'm still in Canada, it's freezing but awesome 😄

I have been catching up with everyone's news but this post is already too long so I will post again less selfishly!

I've just called it off with my friend with benefits!

I felt I was getting hurt a d could no longer do it!

I feel rotten as I really like him, but if he really liked me he'd want more right?

vet what an amazing update!Wishing you the best with making the steps to making it permanent

@Whoknows11 what did he say when you called things off. Explaining that you were looking for more was the right thing in that at least everyone is on the same page, and you never know, he might want more too

@eesha he thought we were good as friends with benefits. I thought I was too but seeing him active on dating sites hurts.

It's going to be tough as he's messaged me everyday for the last 4 months!! I'm going to feel sad and lost 😔

vet,this is just wonderful news. It just sounds so right and easy.
It gives us all hope too.

@Whoknows11 that's tough, I'm sorry. You'll be fine though, and at least you know now. I've seen FWB scenarios work well on this thread in many cases but I personally know I'd get too emotionally attached and would feel the same as you re dating sites. Just think new year, new beginnings!

whoknows that's so brave of you and you have done the right thing if doesn't want more and probably won't......Sending hugs x

Hi @vetoncall - I don't know your backstory as I'm kind of new to the whole thread - but wow - it all sounds so promising. Good luck with the Visa thing; as Canada is a Commonwealth country it might not be too cumbersome? Oz (where I'm from) had a fiancee Visa which gave 9 months (weird timing :-)) for an English partner to stay and to be able to work there...?
@Whoknows11.. In my late 20s I'd have a few FWBs going on at once. But there's no way I could do that now as I know I'd only be able to DTD with someone I have an emotional connection with (maybe a bit like you @Eesha?). No way judging others btw - I do wish I was able to relax but it's possible because of my last 5 yr relationship that I've become a lot more guarded.

I've had a few one nighters but always felt shit after them. I wish I too could have a fwb! One guy a few years ago,i held off the sex for about 3mnths and really felt we had a great connection. We would have movie nights with his kids and go out into his town,had days out and I really thought we were a sort of couple. One night I thought 'now I feel I can have moose burgers' and after that I remember lying in bed and asking if I was now his girlfriend!! God,what am I like. He almost ran for the hills there and then. It dies a death but we still txt and good friends(just no sex). Infact,i'm taking him to a football match on boxing day. I know he is seeing women but doesn't want a relationship to this day!

@VetOnCall - great update and gives us all hope.

Thanks all MidCentury basically he's British but has been here a long time and has Canadian citizenship and we matched on Tinder when he was in the UK visiting family in August. It was 2 days before he flew back so no time to meet but we kept talking and talking, and we just clicked like nothing else either of us had felt before, so a few weeks later at the beginning of September he flew me over here for 10 days and then at the end of September I was back with the intention of not leaving. Totally crazy but when you know you know 😄 I'm mid-30s and he's mid-40s so we've both been around the block enough times to know that this is different, and neither of us has children which made it all easier/possible.

I matched with him a few days after reinstalling Tinder after being completely and utterly ghosted by someone I'd been seeing for a few months. I hadn't slept with him but we'd been on quite a lot of dates and then he just vanished without a trace. It's funny now but at the time I was honestly despairing that I'd ever meet anyone normal let alone anyone who was everything I was looking for. One thing I will say is that right from the start he never once made me doubt that he was interested and keen and wanted to see me. He has a very busy and pressured job but he was so clear that communicating with me and wanting to meet me as quickly as possible was a priority. After lots of previous situations where I was wondering and worrying and second guessing if someone wanted to meet me/see me again/where it was going, it was totally different. I didn't have to wonder because he told me, and his actions matched his words. I'm not trying to make out that he's perfect, he has his faults like we all do, but he means what he says and says what he means, and he's crazy about me (and I him in return!) which really is what we all deserve

Hi all, found you again just in time for Christmas! A little update, I got talking to a guy on Badoo nearly 3 weeks ago, got on great and arranged to meet up the next Friday night when I'd be child free, as it happens we met up briefly 2 nights later ( DD has a weekly evening activity which means I'm free for an hour and a quarter )

We got on really well and then went on our 'proper' date and had another fun night.

We've had 2 more dates since and meeting up again tomorrow, we've also looked at mutual free time over Xmas so we can spend some time together.

I know it's early days. I'm def holding back a bit ( although he's made it very clear he wants to be able to call me his girlfriend )

I can see a few minor ( so far ) little niggles that might pop up but actually I'm really enjoying talking to him and seeing him.

Fingers crossed we continue to get on and J hope you all find something or someone nice in your stocking this year :-)

Hi everyone......
I'm a regular reader of the thread but haven't posted very often. The idea of hiding away until Spring 2019 and whoknows post resonated with me today though!
I've been seeing someone since the end of August and we met online and actually had quite a while of email/ text chatting before that. We were taking it slow which I was happy about after my last relationship earlier in the year which was a whirlwind rollercoaster 5 months of real highs and lows with an emotionally unavailable man so I was super wary. The guy I'm seeing had some baggage but we all do and he was very open about it. He said he wasn't sure he could let someone in but he wanted to and I think I started to feel I could 'fix' him. We had lots of fun and a great connection when we saw each other. He was really attentive and when he started talking about plans in the future and introducing me to his parents then I started to think this could develop into something. He was visiting this weekend though and yesterday dropped the bombshell that he can't commit....the thought terrifies him. He doesn't want to be tied down were his words but he doesn't want to stop seeing me. He said he's having some kind of crisis. So....he wants to be polyamorous and has proposed that we see each other in an open relationship while seeing if commitment and feelings develop further over time but he said they may not for him. I think I've fallen for him more than I'd care to admit and so am feeling pretty rubbish today, especially the idea of him sleeping with other people. I don't want to stop seeing him but i don't know whether I'll be able to handle it and also the uncertainty of putting emotions into something where I won't ever know if they'll be returned or not. He said he does feel for me and cares about me but the fear is stopping him fully letting go. This sounds silly written down but I just don't know what to do as I really like him and still want him in my life. I'm wondering if it might be successful turning it into a FWB situation and if anyone has ever done that?

Walk away, @clamig. Sorry to say that this situation will only end badly for you. I can't believe he's even suggested this 'solution' actually. He doesn't sound very nice.

clamig depends on what you’re looking for.have you dtd and you compatible in that department?even if so I think I would be setting myself up for hurt if I was in your situation.entirelt up to you what you do of course but for me I’d probably end up telling him that I really like him but that he’s making it clear that he’s not really sure what he wants and that as such I can’t invest any more emotionally in to him and that if he decides I am what he wants I can only hope that I’m still available if he ultimately realises it...

Sounds very much gay he wants his cake and to eat it!