Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@TooOld Funnily enough the first thought that came to mind was that he was well off and I know that I wouldn't have been able to offer her the kind of life that she had with her ex-husband financially. They were selling their 6 bedroom house for over a million and let's just say she lived an extremely upper middle class life. When I first met her I was amazed she was with me considering the life she was used to money wise.

Thank you for the kind words. I do feel I am a catch too, therapy has shown me this, my therapist told me I'm not very good at validating myself though so this is something I'm working on.

I'm meeting with my current girl tomorrow afternoon for coffee so will speak to her then. I want to do it face to face as I feel I owe her that. Something my ex didn't do with me either so I know what it's like to be dumped by text.

Hey everyone. Bit of an update and I'm feeling a bit all over the place about everything. I'm still really thinking about my ex and in reality I just want to get back with him. But he was emotionally abusive and I felt terrible so I know it's a stupid idea. I just feel lonely as I've moved into a house on my own.

Anyway, I've been on a couple of dates. One guy (MrIrish) was really nice but no spark. The other (MrClimber) was just so lovely and we had a great time. Loads in common and same level of enthusiasm about things. Same ideas about the future. I felt a spark but he didn't, although he said he loved my personality and said I was pretty, which has made me feel a bit rubbish to be honest. We are keeping in touch and I might help him out with a few things but just wondering if it's worth viewing him as a potential slow burner? Is it worth the effort?

The other thing is that my friend who my ex was insanely jealous about tried to get with me last night. I didn't let it happen as he has a long term partner and I don't see him that way. Made me feel massively guilty and like my ex's behaviour had some sort of basis now and I feel really stupid.

Anyway still struggling on with OLD. I quite like Bumble but I find myself swiping left a lot whereas at first there was some really great potentials. Match is just useless as everyone who views or contacts me is older than my stated age range.

Need a hand hold!

rich - you will never know your ex's motivations for being with you but I suspect it was because you really are a great guy and I bet she felt ashamed that she was influenced by money rather than personality values, hence no contact. You were equally influenced by the buzz of being with someone that is 'having it all'. Were you in 'awe' of her?

rich can I be nosey and ask if I can see your profile?just nosey are tooolds post lol!

@TooOld That's something my friends have said too, I think the reason that she strung me along for over a month was because she was seeing the other guy at the same time but couldn't let me go. She often told me that she had never had a relationship like she had with me whereby I was her best friend as well as lover. She often told me how she loved how genuine I was and had never felt cared for in the way I cared for her. Of course it could have all just been words.

The reason she ended things with her ex-husband was because the marriage became loveless and sexless. She told me she was with him because of the life he was able to provide for her and her kids but it wasn't enough in the end. I wonder if she has fallen into the same trap of getting together with someone for the money side of it and that relationship will also go the same way. I often find successful rich people are very career driven and they neglect their relationships so when the honeymoon phase of this relationship wears off he might too be that sort of guy. Not intending to sound wishful thinking with that, I genuinely care for her and hope it doesn't go that way as I do want her to find someone who can make her happy.

In terms of being in awe of her. I don't think I was really. It's hard to explain, we just got on so well, it was something I've never experienced before where we could talk about everything and nothing, it was like that from the minute we met.

@Koko I've PM'd you :)

Back home from date. The one hour turned into four. We laughed so much.
His upper body though is hugh though,my god,he was almost as wide as he was tall. Never really met a muscley guy like him. Quite attractive in a joey Essex type of way. Felt very relaxed with him and we both came out with goofy things and no shyness like I had with mr rugby.
He was very demonstrative and complimentary which i'm not used to. Went in for the snog in the corner of the pub(rather nice!) and held my hand walking to next pub.
The only red flag is he is fit and I struggle to keep slim.

Also,not sure I should say this but having a son diagnosed with asd I can spot the traits in people and there were a few signs,though not bad at all.

We are going to have a second date next week as he was just refreshing,honest and kind :)

@user1466783975 - sounds like a really good date! Don't worry about him being fit, it's just his personal lifestyle choice and I doubt he'd expect you to be like that. As for the ASD traits, my son has Aspergers so I know what you mean, I think our radar is set high! See how next week goes and try not to overthink it too much.

MrPara and I had a brief phone call and he's popping over today and we've also arranged an evening date for Wednesday. Not sure why he wants to pop over today as the reason we didn't go out last night was because he has a cold!? I'm useless at phone calls (a bit ASD myself and have hearing issues) and didn't question it. Lol.

how lovely user and he sounds keen tooold which is great

I wonder how vet is getting on :)

I don't know if I ever told you what happened with MrNY. I just went back through the threads to read when I was talking about MrMusic given he has turned up! MrNY love bombed and then ghosted me but I saw it coming so hadn't got totally overinvested. Well weirdly we have become good friends. We met up and I called him out on his behaviour - he hadn't realised he was doing it to the extent he was. I must admit it was quite an insight into men who do it - he genuinely wasn't aware of the impact of his behaviour!!

MrMusic continues to be incredibly attentive. We've slightly changed how we are meeting and moved it to one night (we're both simply too busy this week to do a few days) so we will see.....again I'm not going to let myself get excited/invested till I've seen him.

First post in a week. Lots going on with you all.

Have been working away and not seen MrAbs for a week. My feeling was it would go one of 2 ways "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "out of sight, out of mind". Am very pleased to report it went the first way. Lots of messaging and phone calls whilst I was away, I flew back into UK last night and drove straight to his and as soon as I was back in his arms I felt like I was home - sorry that is so cringe!

We're a month in now, and he still literally takes my breath away when I see him (8 dates now I think - all sleepovers ). We've had lots of talks about our expectations for the future and insecurities from past relationships, which is really refreshing - no game playing, just absolute honesty. We're so relaxed in each others company it's a joy to be around him. So in summary, he's kind, funny, handsome, fit, a great dad to his kids, and amazing in bed . I'm keeping him.

@JeSuisPrest he sounds really perfect, definitely a keeper, very happy to hear another success story!

@jesuisprest - how lovely! So nice to hear a success story.

I'm still seeing the guy who doesn't want committment. He said he feels his ex won't allow him to move on until she does! So think he's feeling guilty and gas issues there!!

Aww JeSuis that's lovely to hear.
Daffo - interesting and great that you had a chance to tell MrNY about his behaviour. I've always thought that myself, that they don't realise the impact of their actions, it's not you, it's them! Have you and MrMusic set up a date yet then?
Is Vet the one who went to Canada or somewhere with her fella?

jesuis that’s lovely to hear - you give us all hope! daffo the one guy who ghosted me a month in after we had dtd a few times (this was a few years ago now) I caught up with by phone recently and he also lacked any self-awareness and supposedly hadn’t realised that he’d ghosted me!
Can’t even remember what I’ve said in previous posts yet but number of people I was chatting to was getting a bit out of hand so I have I have narrowed it down to:
-Mr G (friend of friend.genuine guy but unsure of any spark)
-Mr Sub (have had a regular video call but not sure I even want to meet - he may be too kinky for me)
-and last night had a really long messaging session with a new iron who I’m going to call Mr PC and have a date set with him for Saturday - so that’s enough to keep me going for now!

toool yes it’s vet that went to Canada

@shitwithsugaron It's nearly Christmas, treat yourself!

shitwith - can't wait to see your update! My preference is they have to be at the very least a bit taller than me. I love tall men, just do something to me but if not then they defo have to have looks.
Why not have a go on MrTinder? Lol.

Good luck today TooOld,maybe he upped his zinc last night and feels much better!
daffo thanks. I always thought the ghosting was because they had found someone else? Reading your post i suppose sometimes it's to do with other stuff going on in their life and they just can't cope with anything else going on?

Some great dating news going on at the mo :)

Does anyone know if bendy and kin are going well.....hope so

Congrats je suis I'm smiling on your behalf

So it's been a few days since my last iron ditched me, I've been on tinder and pof - pof is another level isn't it! So so many people on there that msg, whereas tinder is opposite!

I've matched with quite a few people and had a lot of msgs on pof but my mind keeps going back to the the guy I've just been dating - I am disappointed that didn't go the way I wanted it too. Funny that though he is still of pof and said he wanted to 'meet me' on that swipe me thing on pof.

Anyway, at work the other day we had to call an ambulance for a student, two male paramedics came and I saw one of them on tinder last night - so we've been chatting since then! Not sure how I feel yet just nice to be chatting to someone again.

(Secretly hoping the other bloke will suddenly pop up again I'm sorry that was a mistake ditching you!) not gonna happen is it 😂
jesuis so happy for you!! I love that feeling!

Hello just checking in. Glad to see mostly everyone is making positive progress. Me on the other hand... Still sat here not sure if I'm being taken for a mug. Mr Red is depressed, said he's not good company and he wouldn't be surprised if I called it off. I said I would help him through it if I could.... but I still haven't seen him at all. He won't let me go to him, he hasn't even mentioned coming to me. I just don't know what to do.... Be patient, keep on casually msging casually like treading water or just ask him straight out if we should end things. I'm in limbo here and it's killing me.

Best thing to do push is ask outright, otherwise you'll always be in limbo and then he might turn around after a few weeks and say sorry but no thanks - then you've wasted all that time.