Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

really sorry to hear that Vixen, even if you saw it coming, it still hurts

from my perspective, and I'm late 40s, I found eharmony pointless. It was matching me on my income to other men in high income brackets and tbh that's not what I want. I didn't have many options to select what I wanted. I basically got sent matches and I went on some free period but can honestly say for that whole period, I never saw one person I would have voluntarily matched with. And loads of them were 20 years older. It was pointless.

Bumble I liked apart from the time pressure of sending the message and also after a while, you get bored of sending the message first.

When I go back in Jan, I'm likely to go on Bumble and Tinder together as I think that's probably the right balance though you'll see a lot of duplicates on it.

vixen catfishing hurts even when you can see it coming! Who were they?! Its only happened to me once. I'm sick of weirdos contacting me on Instagram in military uniform, clearly fakes.

eesha yep I think the break will be good for me, that said I gave my number to the last guy I was chatting to on Bumble and he's asked me out before Xmas so might just meet him for coffee. Still hoping to see MrEx before Christmas, we have mentioned a day but just waiting for him to firm up. My job is massively up in the air at the moment so I think I need to focus on that to be honest. I have lots of nice plans with friends so that will keep me busy :-)

Oh yes I agree that Bumble is probably one of the better ones. I find Tinder awful now, it used to be good, I met FWB on there although he only had one photo and no bio so that was more by complete chance. He's being a lovely friend at the moment, he's one of my closest friends even if the B bit of it stops at some point.

I don't know how I would do without my FWB either tbh. I sometimes think they keep me sane in this mad dating world! It's so uncomplicated!

@anondad85 are you on any dating sites?
And do you own a yacht? 🤨

Vixen sorry to hear about your experience. What made you suspicious?
I'd like to think I could spot a catfish but I'm probably deluding myself.

I would second the opinion that eHarmony is rubbish. It matched men with older men who were miles away and nothing like my type.
I quite liked Match. I had some nice dates from it. I would do it again but only for a month because the turnover of new faces is very slow.
Otherwise Tinder gets my vote.

Well this particular catfish was a medical rep posing as a doctor..... I used to work in a hospital for 8 years so I threw a fair few questions his way to test his medical knowledge and I have to say he was unbelievably convincing!

He finally confessed after I pushed him for a video call and said I wouldn't continue talking without having done that.....

I mean nothing surprises me anymore with online dating so I had not really invested anything other than my time but the level of lying he was prepared to do was just insane.

Thanks for the advice about e harmony. I'm asking because it is one of the most expensive ones I have come across and need to be very sure that it's any good before I took the plunge!

I think I will almost certainly do Bumble and not sure I'm ready to venture back onto Tinder anytime soon.

I've tried Match.com and Okcupid, POF etc which weren't for me. But I need to give Bumble a proper go and also give some serious consideration to a paid site.........

wishy And do you own a yacht? 🤨

🤣🤣 I think our yacht owning friend has abandoned us "ladies" !

@likeridingabike I think it should be asked as standard question before any more unknown men join the thread 😂
He does seem to have disappeared now doesn't he?

wishy Agree 😁

Well, today went far better than expected! It's all systems go now. We spent the day together, easy and relaxed. Talked about the future. No messing about this time.
A bit of back history, I've known this guy about a year and a half, we dated on and off and I even saw him when I was still with MrWow, albiet on a 'friends' only basis, when my Dad had just died.
I feel guilty about MrWow - I sent that bloody 'I love you and miss you' msg whilst p*ssed, on POF. I quickly deleted him and chat history in the hope he wouldn't read it. He hasn't msg me on WhatsApp so I suspect he knows it was the booze talking.
As Daffo said, I also find it hard letting people down and I had 3 other irons which I might just use the 'It's xmas, too busy' line with.
I'm so jaded tho with OLD that I am determined not go get too carried away with MrSolid and will wait and see if it all actually happens although secretly grinning from ear to ear.

cold and too everything sounds promising, vixen sorry to hear you were catfished. So I randomly ended up meeting who I’m going to call Mr G (with whom I have a mutual friend in common) after work for a coffee and it went really well.Conversation was easy going and and he seems to be a respectful and genuine guy.Not sure that there was a spark but maybe this could develop as left the date thinking I would like to see him again.

Mini prop up required please! Ok just to recap, I gave MrDreamy my number via one of the sites, we chatted for a week and were planning to meet that weekend. Due to my ex being difficult with childcare, and his children being with him, we could only meet in a couple of weeks. We chatted a day longer and then he disappeared. I sent him a text mid way but nothing heard and I just assumed date wasn't happening. I wasn't devastated as it all seemed too good to be true, attractive, genuine click, I actually had butterflies. When did that ever happen to me. Anyway, a week since last contact and he texts me to explain that he had been seeing someone very casually when we started chatting and that it had progressed a bit and it would be bad of him to go on a date at this point. He said he was sorry for messing me around, that we had an amazing connection and hopefully he has not messed that up but if he did, then he knows he was to blame. I feel ok but does feel like a missed opportunity! Perk me up please!!!

Eesha File it under shit happens, he's eventually done the decent thing and explained but to be honest after texting but no date you can't expect anything from him. It's a shame but I suppose we miss lots of opportunities with OLD.

Koko so are you going to wait for him to contact you for a 2nd date or will you send him a casual, nice to meet you, what did you think kinda msg? It's horrible waiting!
Eesha you've obviously been on his mind and maybe it's his way of saying he would be interested if it fails with the other one? Otherwise, why not carry on blanking you! Hmm.

I haven't quite plucked up the courage to tell my favourite other iron that I can't date him. He wants to see me Sat but I've stalled on that!! Think I might use Eesha's MrDreamy's line, although I've never met him (and things were a bit stilted o/p, which I put down to him being on a quick break on his medical duties). God, I feel such a player tho.

@TooOldForThis67 he said he was seeing someone very casually prior to chatting to me so I can only assume he slept with her and then understandably thought he couldn't go through with our first date! And yes, he said he hoped he hadn't messed things up with me plus added it was still very early with her. The thing is, I was just happy I didn't misread things, I genuinely felt there was something special there and he did seem a nice bloke so his text seemed very him. Prior to all this, i was thinking my spidey senses were rubbish as i got it so very wrong. Anyway I sent a nice response back, wishing him well, then deleted his texts so I wouldn't keep rereading.

Feel free to use MrDreamys lines! He did put it so nicely!

tooold I just went for it and messaged lovely to meet him etc then sent a follow up joking about it being now the awkward part where I wondered if he’s want to see my again to which he replied that he did but was just concerned I had had a couple of LTR and only been single for a few months.We are both very busy but have said to let each other know whenever we have some free time to catch up again.We shall see...

Soooooo I had my 'talk' the where are we going after 4 dates.

Maybe it wasn't the best time as I was feeling PMT pissed most of the day.
I'd just had enough of dates going well and then one sentence nothing texts, to the point where I was texting first most of the time.

So I messaged him and asked him where he thought we were at 4/5 dates in. He suggested being exclusive, however I took the chance to say I was not keen due to the lack of conversation.

He then said he liked me, I explained that he should show it then! Time will tell I guess, I hope he does.

I'm proud myself that I was assertive enough to bring it up and not let it eat away at me.

I don't want to be exclusive yet, I'm not prepared to be an after thought

@WaitingforMrHardy good for you! Be proud of yourself for saying exactly how you feel!

Yay!! Good for you waiting I behave like an inarticulate teen with this dating crap. You did the right thing laying out your expectations.

All my irons have faded. I’ve asked one to do NYE with me but he was less than committal which really put me off him. Have a new iron. Mr Liverpool and arranging a date next week. It’s hard to fit dates in this time of year!!

I've been chatting to someone who seems quite nice but probably not for me. He obviously earns quite a bit, travels a lot and is used to a good life style. Plus he has no kids. Dating him could be quite expensive.
Anyway, he asked how long I've been single. He said he split with his last girlfriend at the beginning of the year because of her poor financial situation.
Then he sends me a photo of the two of them together. They look like they're posing on the red carpet at Cannes or something similar!! She looks like a model.
I haven't replied yet as I'm not quite sure what to say in response.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking do you think he is humblebragging, so you can be in awe of him a bit? I had this with two blokes, one saying he had dated a few models, the other saying he had dated air hostesses and a lapdancer. I am a SAHM with a big curry stain on my clothes at present.

Aww @Eesha I know what you mean. I'm getting interest from some but I feel too scruffy and mumsy for the nicer ones, and too picky and judgy for the rough diamond ones.
I've mostly chatted to a (current!) work colleague and a blast from the past who I knew 26 years ago
Both seem interested but neither have actually suggested a date and I just can't bring myself to do it, I can't. Maybe it's an age thing but I can't go first.

I think we might all accidentally friendzone each other