Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

... Why didn't I just say goodbye at top. Of road and not turn into a wittery & seemingly needy fool?

Other complication is Mr Other Iron who I've not met yet as swerving making an actual date wth him because of Mr phd... Mr Other Iron v chatty and flirty and on WhatsApp regularly. Sigh. God I so preferred just meeting guys at parties in my 20's....

cold I think that sounds fine, nothing wrong with wanting a kiss goodbye on a second date, I can't imagine he saw that as needy. Was there no kiss on the first date?

Cold Make a date with MrOtherIron, don't pass up opportunities at this stage, two dates is nothing definitely not time to be putting all your eggs in one basket.

cold get the date organised. No kiss after 2 dates??

Aww thanks. First date was just coffee and his first ever online date, I had to rush off to deal with my kids and just left saying "enjoyed meeting you do let me know if you'd like to do summat again" and we mesaged over w/e to fix up last night. He's really busy and so am I - he told me what he's got on and asked about my schedule and next Mon is first time either of us free.

I'm just flapping that he thought me saying come and get bag of stuff was some kind of trap, ditto the kiss request and... I can't quite read Mr PhD guy yet, he's not terribly flirty and am still a little burnt from Mr BTO who I realise was a complete player but totally flirty with continuous eye contact.

Mr PhD also has the oldest smart phone I've seen in a while and I have a feeling his mesages are sent only when he's at pc.

I’ve had dates with 5 people this time round on OLD. The three with no kiss at the end didn’t end up as second dates. Do you fancy each other?

I fancy him, he made first contact and arranged second date and asked for the hug last night so I'm hoping he fancies me! But he hasn't tried to rip my clothes off, tried to snog me or anything...

@coldlocation sounds like he may be a little nervous, that's all. If he's keen to see you again and he instigated the hug I'd say he's interested, just maybe a bit shy and perhaps didn't know how far to take the kiss. From what you have said you don't come across as being needy though

I am seeing MrSolid in just over an hour and I am so nervous!

cold As everyone has said, he obviously likes you, relax. It's ok to drop the 'cool' act, in fact it's rather refreshing!

tooold I don't think you can delete them sadly! But yes I know how that happens! I think MrD sounds v similar to your MrWow. He's a lovely bloke but he has just been through some of the most awful trauma and I don't think he's in the right place. I think he goes through weeks when he thinks I'm the bees knees and those are the weeks when he talks about moving in together and being in a relationship and checking how much I like him and then he goes through weeks where I don't hear anything from him and if I ask if we are meeting up, he avoids the question. I don't think he knows whether he's coming or going - but in the end, it doesn't really matter because it can't work for me. I spoke to my best male friend last night and he said I should actually just say nothing to MrD. He said given the place he's in, I should just move on without needing to officially draw a line under it given that he's not actually trying to set up time to see me and he's stopped talking about me in a girlfriend type of way and because I do like him as a person. I can see the sense in what he's saying. He said just stay friends like you are now because that's all it is if he isn't trying to see you (which is true). Sometimes it's useful to get a male point of view. I'm not going to go on OLD till Jan anyway and if MrD hasn't seen me by then, which it's looking like he won't, I don't think I need to give him any explanation for just moving on, sad though it is. Good luck with MrSolid.

cold nothing you did there sounded awkward and it sounds like to me that he found it quite cute!

coldlocation, you don't sound needy at all. I think he likes you if he asked for a hug, its very sweet! When is the next date?

daffo that's actually really good advice from your friend, a male perspective is really useful. And he has a point, he's said he wants a relationship but his actions aren't matching so what are you supposed to do? You don't owe him 'a chat' unless if will help you?

I spoke to both my male besties about MrEx and they are sceptical about him as they remember how hurt I was at the time. I am telling people he is back in touch to give me a bit of a reality check. My romantic friends are all hopeful, my jaded friends are saying BIN.

I've deleted Tinder. I've given my number to one person on Bumble and then that's being deleted too. Need a break, constant rejection and rejecting people takes its toll no matter how thick your skin is. I think I've been on about 15 first dates this year and I think that's more than enough for now!

Yes I'm the same cool. I actually find letting men down harder than being let down myself. I hate the thought of hurting anyone. On the train on the way in this morning, a man sat opposite me who I had been on a dreadful first date with and I had to look very hard at my phone for the entire journey so he didn't say anything to me!

It's actually really nice having a break from it all. And it means when I go back on after Xmas, I will be properly ready for trying again.

But it does mean yet another Xmas single and NY too. That makes it 7 for me now :) though I only started doing OLD this summer for the first time!

and cool yes in a way what my friend said is that it's something to satisfy me (talking to MrD) but I don't actually need it and it might end up hurting MrD more than I think when he's in a time of need so it's better just to let it drift and if at the point, when I go back to OLD I feel like I want to say something, I can. But there's no point saying it now when I'm weeks away from going back to OLD as all it does is effectively threaten/provoke him and I don't need to/want to. I feel quite relaxed about it now tbh.

and re MrEx, I think friends are very good at remembering the hurt you went through so I can understand why they are hesitant for you to go back there!

My ongoing saga with MrPB, sigh, I'm pushing him to say what he wants and if he doesn't I'm calling time. I can be virtual friends who text but need to be clear that's all it is and he needs to drop the lovey dovey talk. If he says he wants more I'm putting a time limit on it.

@coolcahuna I have taken a break and find it really quite empowering. I did it after the one last iron I was really looking forward to meeting, seemed to disappear and I just thought I'd had enough! Taking a break from OLD has really allowed me to focus on myself and prioritise myself and my family rather than wishing and hoping on things out of my control. I'm sure I'll go back to OLD at some point but I guess I'm saying a break actually can be quite fun!

Mr PhD messaged to say thank you lovely time, he thinks I'm very lovely and he feels like a teenager and can we please somehow meet up this week even if just for a coffee as Monday a long way off.... So didn't blow it.... Thus far.

ravenlover agree about feeling too old for this.... as I said to someone last week it was soooo much easier when you just chatted up a bloke at a party cos he was the last one standing with booze or a full pack of ciggies.

coldlocation that's great that Mr PhD wants to meet again. I don't think you did anything wrong asking for a kiss. The first couple of dates can be a bit awkward if one or both of you are nervous.

ravenlover welcome and I have no idea. I've been doing OLD for 2 years and I'm still trying to understand it all.

Daffo sounds like you're in a better place now about Mr Disappearing. It can be hard to let go of someone you like. But as everyone has said, his actions are not matching his words.

TooOld good luck with your date

Can a guy get in on this action?

I'm not young, but I am free and single. Where do I start?

Progress is being made slowly.

I have a coffee date arranged for next week. However, in his profile pic he had a lovely beard. Now he's added some more photos and the beard is gone! He doesn't look so attractive. But the chit chat is good, so no harm in meeting him.

And I've had a nice phone call with another iron. He was easy to speak to but circumstances and distance mean we will probably end up being more penpals. Although we're hoping to meet between Christmas and New Year.

Have a couple more on the go but not sure they will lead to anything

So I've been the victim of Catfishing.... I mean this is the first time it has happened in around a year of dating so it was bound to come soon. And he eventually confessed to me.... Only after about 4weeks of chatting. I had him sussed out a couple of weeks in but gave him benefit of the doubt. I guess that's something..... I'm not really upset about it, just disappointed I wasted so much time. Video calling is the way forward!

Anyway...... I'm basically reassessing my strategy for next year. Currently off dating apps for the time being.

Can anybody give me the lowdown on the following sites.?

E-harmony, Bumble.

Can anyone recommend a site for people who are interested in a proper relationship...... Tinder has been fun for me but I'm getting the feeling I need to switch up my strategy and invest my efforts elsewhere. 😂