Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@DaffoDeffo ahhh ok I see now! It's weird as I also have a manic social life but I seem to attract the opposite!
I agree, you probably just need to say it's not working for you as an exclusive relationship. For me that's making someone a priority over all the other bits and/ or including them in it.
I have quite a crazy schedule but since dating mr 24 I've prioritised seeing him where possible. Not because he'd ever ask me to, but because I want to. I've always felt he does the same, he doesn't really have a manic social life but he's always made effort to fit around mine and likes to schedule in as much as poss
It doesn't really sound like Mr D is in a place to do that even if he says he is 🤷🏼‍♀️ FWB sounds ideal for you, but obviously not if he isn't up for that

thanks all :) xx - would like to have the chat now but don't really have time so will do it on the weekend hopefully face to face if he sets up a meeting, but if he doesn't then I definitely will on text at that point

will see my 2 FWB this week (who had gone away but weirdly both came back this week) which will be a welcome distraction

wishy glad it is working with Mr24. Yes it's the will to see each other that's important, I agree :).

@DaffoDeffo hope it goes well for you! What would be your ideal outcome?

thelaststraw sounds great! Always good when you finish a date with a big smile on your face.

Daffo I couldn't be as patient as you. But it is difficult to let go when you get on well and sex is great.
It sounds like he's comfortable where he is - he has a great social life and then he can see you, if and when he has time. But that's not a relationship. And it's not what you want.
I hope you can sort it out soon, one way or the other.

daffo it takes two of you to decide if you are in a relationship and as you are looking forward to seeing FWB and Mr D hasn’t given you enough to feel like you are in one I think you do exactly the right thing by letting him know. Enjoy your night on Friday.

My quest to find a FWB isn't going well. I've had to deal with quite a few sex pests who just wanted to come straight over to my house, then got funny when I said no.

Now I'm chatting to 5 on Tinder who all seem very nice so far. But also seem to be looking for something more long term than on a casual basis.
And now I have no free time until after Christmas.

thanks all

my ideal outcome wishy would be we continue to see each other casually, while I see other people (which is what I think happens now, just without me seeing other people).

I want a relationship - a proper one - not a FWB. I meet a lot of men who are perfect for FWB. Who are happy to have sex with me, have occasional contact with me but don't want to be with me permanently (and vice versa). i.e. don't want to be the one who comes to dinners with friends etc.

I'm perfectly happy having FWB as it keeps me ticking over while I look for someone who wants more than that.

MrD is in fact a perfect FWB as we get on very well and the sex is incredible and it seems he doesn't want me playing a larger part in his life (though I would happily have had him in mine). I don't think he will accept being FWB as he wants me to be exclusive with him while I suspect he isn't being exclusive with me (though I don't know that and he says he is). He wants his cake and to eat it but ultimately, if I'm not right for him, I'm not right for him. And I suspect with him, if I try and move him to FWB, he will walk away and I have to accept that. I probably wasn't in the right place to accept that till the last week or so.

@DaffoDeffo I think you sound like you have it totally sorted in your head and you're prepared for either outcome, which is brilliant. I guess it's just a case of finding the right time to have the conversation with him now!
As notcool has said, the relationship has got to satisfy both parties and while it may tick some boxes for you, it sounds like it's not ticking all of them.

daffo, I think this will all turn out fine. You seem cool and levelheaded about it all so you have less chance of being burnt.

It looks like I'm seeing MrEx tonight for a drink. I just really need to see where I'm at with him and meeting him is the only way.

You are amazingly pragmatic about MrD @DaffoDeffo. It's very impressive.

Sorry to hear that your search for FWB is going badly @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking. OLD is a totally perverse experience. If you're looking for a relationship, all you can find is people who want sex; if you're looking for a FWB, you only get people who want a relationship.

Hopefully you get a bit of clarity tonight @coolcahuna

Glad it's going so well @thelaststraw123.

Good to hear things are going smoothly @thelaststraw123 wish you the best.
Downloaded okcupid- a bit dire at the mo. Tbh i'm no longer sure I know what I want

I thought I’d check out POF as I think I’ve tried every other one! I’m
Confused as to what the ‘meet me’ function is on there? It seems to be different to the messaging option...
Can any seasoned POF folk help please?

I'm so fed up, MrPB is still pen palling me, I'm on the verge of calling it a day I'm starting to get irritated by his compliments, if he liked me as much as he says he'd meet me.

The only other iron I was interested in informs me he's looking for a relationship but wants to be cheated on, basically wants to date while I date others and tell him all the details, FFS. Sick of having my time wasted.

sunshine i'm not sure the meet me things are actually real. I had a hundred of the things and thought 'wow,i'm popular. I messaged one of the guys who wanted to meet me and he said he hadn't even seen my profile and didn';t want to meet me at all. I'm only on pof and it's slow and steady. Everyone this time round has been ok,no sex pests yet.

sunshine Remember most men swipe right to a large percentage of women, so you might get a high number of likes but a lot of them all have just glanced at your photo.

likeridingabike oh Jesus you could do with out that. At least you found out that about him before you met. Where are the normal men?

Mr ex and I took a raincheck on tonight . Which is fine. I'm knackered and he was too. Think we both want to be in better form.

Waiting he actually lives quite close but works abroad for weeks at a time, it would actually be perfect for me as I have young kids, friends and a full time job so while I want to build something for the future, right now I’m ok with a pen pal who dates when he’s here!

But I’m NOT ok with just a pen pal who doesn’t date at all.

Hmmm I’m going to stop replying and just see if he chases.

On another note I got very very drunk at the Christmas party and had a ONS with a guy 11yrs my junior He’s actually quite sweet but was a little awkward at work today.

Riding what a freak, why just why??

I’ve only tried Tinder and Match, is POF good or is it for the dodgys? I don’t live in the nicest area which always made paid for ones seem more sensible.

leather I have no idea, I can only imagine he's very damaged. Seemed lovely right up to the confession.

like I agree this cuckolding fetish some men go on about is really weird and just yuk, but it could be just talk/fantasy/bravura. My lovely FWB used to go on about it when we were just messaging - probably to shock/test me (he's weird and so am I a bit, I'm also a bit of a risk-taker as my children are all grown up now) - but since we've got to know each other in person there's been no further mention. I suppose I'm saying there's nothing wrong in keeping an open-ish mind

Movember We're no longer messaging, as of this morning, he didn't want to continue if I wasn't up for it and I wasn't so that's that.

As for MrPB I've no idea either, I should just call time on it.

Daffo - that's how things were with my MrWow. Although we were exclusive, I never felt like a priority in his life, after 9mths. I really really miss the fantastic sex, he's easy on the eye and we got on great. Just think he was no way near ready.
Now I've been back on POF, Badoo and Tinder. I have 3 irons and then low and behold, MrSolid pops up (guy I dated over a year ago and have seen on and off since). We are going to have a serious talk tomz morning when he calls round for coffee. We are both a bit hot headed and this is the reason we didn't work before. He will absolutely want exclusive. So what do I do with the other 3 irons who are desperate to set up a date?
*Question does anyone know if you delete someone on POF and the convos, can they still read what was sent? I told MrWow I loved and missed him, ffs, whilst pssed.

For those of you who live with family friends.... Where do you say you're going if you're going on a date once or twice a week?
I can't say I'm going out for a quick drink with friends all the time. Especially as I come home and get dressed up to the nines, on a weekday! It's actually my babysitter. Although I know I don't need to disclose my whereabouts, I'd rather not tell her I'm dating several people one or two evenings a week. I just find it hard to lie when she asks how my night was.

1stdates yes I can imagine that’s tricky-I will be in same position as living with my parents at the moment and they are not keen on me dating!Haven’t had any dates yet though so not sure what I’ll do if I do ever get a date!
Have been swiping in on bumble&tinder but mainly left as don’t seem to see many I feel superficially attracted to. Chatting to 2 - one with whom I have a mutual friend in common.He volunteered his no&has been whatsapping since but doesn’t seem to be that keen to meet (I’ve hinted at it a couple of times) but then is very busy with work atm. The other I’ve given my no to but he’s continued to message on bumble rather than switch to WhatsApp but has said he is up for meeting next week,as has a busy week this week.We shall see...

Get me a grip.

Gah... 2nd date last night with Mr phd. All good, agree to meet next week (day but not details) he's about to head off but I had a bag of stuff for his son at mine and was 50 yards from home so said to come and grab it - I honestly had no ulterior motive, there was no vibe for that. He did pop in, he was in the house maybe 5 min. He about to leave and says "without being hashtag me too can I give you a hug?".. Accepted this offer, it is just a hug, but I got all nervous and wittery, he's then getting his bike out the porch to leave to go and stupid, foolish me said ".... Do I get a kiss goodbye"... He laughed, chaste peck on lips and then was gone. I feel so stupid and needy, convinced I've scared him off. We are still only communicating thru dating app. So now I get to wonder if I've totally blown it and want to thump self and can spend day angsting.