Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Pushreset that's love/lust for you you've not been an idiot.

Christmas is a really tough time of year for those us in the early stages of splitting from long term partners. This will be my second one, though to be fair I only found out about exdh affair a week before Christmas last year, so I did it on autopilot and red wine. I think we feel a sense of failure, regret at what could have been and a longing for the familiar. Those feelings are difficult to assimilate if you are in a new relationship with someone because they take time to process, and perhaps he feels that's why he's being unfair to you? That he can't give you 100% whilst he has not quite moved on. Time is a great healer (for both of you). Personally, I wouldn't burn any bridges with him in case there is a rekindling after a period apart, but neither would I hang around more than a couple of weeks waiting for something to happen. Accept invites, put your party frock on and keep putting your best foot forward. He knows where you are if he realises he's been a bit rash, but I'm a bit of an old romantic and hate unfinished business. x

Thanks @JeSuisPrest I think you're right. It's just too painful to think about him not feeling the same I do about him. He told me he was over everything, promised never to break my heart but I think this Xmas had just been too much. I've been there.... I know what it's like to have your life change 180. I'm just not thinking very rationally at the mo. He knows where I am although I don't have one single hope up. I doubt I'll ever hear off him again.

pushreset I'm sorry to hear that. I've been doing old on and off for the last 4 years and it has happened to me. You just let your defences down and wham, they call time on it. It sucks. But I always console myself with thinking I got through my marriage break up, I can get through this!!

I'm hoping the sex gets better and better the more we relax. Tbh it's more him that is very nervous. He says he's scared of messing things up as he likes me a lot. It's a funny thing really. There was no instant chemistry for me with this guy. I liked him as he was good company so I thought I'd see how things developed and now, after 3 months of dating and things going VERY slowly, I am actually falling for him.

It's interesting as I've never believed in the slow burning thing before. It always had to be an immediate attraction or I wouldn't entertain a 2nd date.

Hi all,
Iv been seeing someone for 2 months now, we get on really well, we havnt had any talks about what this is or if it's going anywhere!!!
I feel like now I'm really starting to get real feelings for him, and do want to establish if this is something possibly more long term, because if he's not feeling the same, then he's not right for me!!
But I'm scared to say anything, as I think he has more of a relaxed attitude, and just letting it flow naturally, or of course he could be seeing other people, or just passing the time.
Not sure what I should do, what would you guys do?

Sorry to hear that push. I would say from the sounds of it yes it’s over😔. I wouldn’t try contacting him, unless you want to send him something just to clarify the situation? But not a message begging...just to make it clear you’re not going to hang around for someone that doesn’t know what they want,and if he comes back to you eventually make him do some grovelling!
Fwiw it hurt after 6 weeks with Mr Weekend-I had bought him a couple of thoughtful Christmas presents I had to return! And out last night there was just no one i was remotely attracted too and then ended up in a club which was full of people 15yeara my junior😱!And I don’t get the fashion nowadays for these men.I think I’m too picky.

I hope you don't mind me joining in, but I have been reading these threads for a while and I need some help!

For background info, I am fairly recently separated as far as other people are concerned (i.e. We've not long made it public), but in actual fact my marriage has been over for over a year, it's just that the practicalities meant that we couldn't really do much about it. He is moving out next weekend. We have two kids (11 and 13) who know about the separation, family know, friends know, the schools know etc.

I have just joined up to a couple of dating sites, just to see what's what. I feel ready to move on (I've had plenty of time to come to terms with things), not necessarily for a serious relationship but I would like to date at some point. I joined up to PoF a couple of weeks ago, but haven't really found anyone I like on there.

This morning, in my infinite wisdom, I joined up to Match and have been matched with one of the teachers from our youngest ds's primary school The thing is, I don't know what to do. I've had a bit of a crush on him for a while, and we have had some quite flirty exchanges, but I'm a bit embarrassed to think that he might see me on there because from the outside it looks like I'm recently separated, even though I'm not in reality. I'm a bit worried it might make things awkward at school, but on the other hand I would kind of like to date him...

Help! Should I burn my computer and leave the area, or just leave my profile on there and see what happens?

Also, I don't want him to feel embarrassed, although I wouldn't tell anyone I'd seen him on there (apart from you lovely lot). Not sure what to do

pushreset thinking of you... Take care

Dusty I would say that if you are developing feelings for him then the sooner you find out what is going on from his side the better. Letting things drift may suit him but if it doesn't suit you then it's not right for you

Xmas is a terrible time for it

No matter what happens with MrD I am not going to go back to OLD till after Xmas to let the Xmas nonsense disappear!

So many break ups happen over Xmas and I think you get an awful lot of men telling you what you want to hear to get their leg over and have an ego boost!

push so sorry it hasn't worked out. I hope you have friends/other family with you over Christmas to take the sting away from the kids not being there in the morning. That is a tough one. Stay strong.

Push sorry it didn't work out....onwards, forwards

I need some advice re second date... Had coffee with him Fri. Ended with me having to dash home and just me saying 'lovely to meet you get in touch if you'd like to do something again' as I had not a clue what he thought, no hug or kiss goodbye I was rushing so much. He mesaged v soon after I got home and suggested a pub quiz mon/thurs.... I only free Mon so we are doing that tmrw. I realise I've never been on a proper second date - I've done a total of 5 online dates ever : slept with no1 on first date and had 2yr relationship, no2 and 3 were just mutual no chemistry dates/me but interested so never saw each other again, no4 we slept together first date and had a 10 week thing. This time the second date actually feels like it counts.... Tips?

He's new to old.

I think second dates are just extensions of the first without so many nerves and hopefully longer!

I went for dinner for my second date with Mr E, and we chatted about everything and anything. I think it gives the chance to see if you are compatible, or likely to be a good fit

So...not a profilic poster...but I posted last time about WhatsApp anxiety as the man I was talking to one online all the time. My spider senses were correct. Actions not words. The day after we arranged a time and place for our second date he ghosted me - WhatsApp, FB, SC probably blocked my number too but I didn’t try it. I got the hint.

So, lesson learned and I’ve taken the advice to change the settings. No read receipts and don’t know when someone is online (nor him me 😊) and it’s so much better.

I’ve had four dates with someone and I’d like to say it’s going well. I’ve had a sleepover and we’ve DTD. He’s bought us tickets for a gig later on in the month. Fingers crossed it goes well. We’ve both got children so will have to arrange stuff around childfree/workfree time but it should mean we enjoy the time we spend together.

Also, to comment on someone’s previous message about ‘loving to give’ I’ve found that that seems to be incredibly common for men to say that. Receiving oral really isn’t top of my list but hearing someone say their preference is ‘loving a blow job’ probably would come across as pretty selfish. A few men have said they’ve never had a decent one which obviously brings out the competitive streak in me (and to be fair they’re probably saying this to get me to prove a point)

Thank you everyone. Been keeping as busy as I can to try and ignore the sinking feeling. Keep telling myself I've been through much worse than this and it was only 8 weeks of my life. Proper hard just feeling cast off and insignificant.

pushreset been thinking of you. It does sound like this might be it. Top tip for me was to delete their number but change your settings so your pic still shows. Write the number down and leave it somewhere. Like at work where you can't access it in the evenings.

MrIce just send me a massive text saying there was no chemistry and I'm not his soul mate. Made me cringe a bit with the drama of it. Oh and that he was being honest instead of blocking me 🤣. There was probably no chemistry as he didn't ask me any questions or let me speak. Ho hum. Next !

Another lovely evening/morning with MrAbs. He's told his DM about me, which did surprise me a little - we're only 3 weeks in (!), but it did lead onto a conversation about maybe spending NYE together if the stars align regarding childcare arrangements for both of us .

I'm working abroad Wednesday to Saturday this week, but we'll stay in contact (WA/phone) and look forward to next Saturday night.

Glad to hear it’s still going strong jesuis

Thanx Movemerblues , your right I do need to have a little chat with him,
to see if we areally on the same page or not .
Not quite sure how to broach the subject tho?

Second date tonight. Been texting a lot since date on Thursday night!!

Really looking forward to seeing him again 😁

Dusty I can't really help you there I'm afraid. Such conversations are difficult to start to say the least. Try waiting for the subject to kind of come up (ie be alert for opportunities) - or be more direct and say 'Look, we need to talk'?

I think il see what happens over Christmas first and like you said see if the conversation comes up.
Thing is as well we only see eachother once possibly twice a week for a few hours, I keep thinking to progress into more, we will need to start seeing more of eachother, witch isn't that easy, due to children and he lives nearly an hour away.
Is it time to start inviting him round to mine, but again that's not always easy bexcuse of distance and his working hours.