Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I'm being very restrained @JeSuisPrest trust me! I usually want to know then and there too. Trying see what happens with this one... If it wasn't for this thread I think I would have gone coo coo from over thinking!

Daffo MrD sounds not dissimilar to the guy I 'dated' for ten weeks, amazing amounts of eye contact, deep sharing of stuff when we were together, he made me laugh and smile all the time but was a very intermittent texter.... Its taken me a few weeks post ending it to realise that I just wasn't a priority in his life but when we were actually together it was amazing, natural and lovely. I was meeting his social and sexual needs and that suited him. I wanted more, it seemed so tantalisingly close when we had lovely weekends together and then I'd be "I've not a clue" in between dates... . It's left me feeling a bit foolish for over investing, angry that he was quite passive amd that I had to force the conversation to end it. Good luck.

Just tried badoo for first time - have no clue how it works?ended up having a livestream video come through to me so quickly awaited it off!can someone explain?

How are people messaging me when I haven’t matched with them?and how do I know how far away people are?

I keep getting messages from people miles away although stated my town in only place I could find on app where you can set location!

Right I think I’ve got the hang of it-it’s just the how to find people close to my location in the stack pile that I don’t get if anyone can enlighten me? Also just found Mr Weekend on there 😔 sad to be upset I know and his profile pics are still hot but his profile writing is a bit aggressive so probably for the best we ended!

Koko that's one of the annoying things I'm finding with Badoo.
I assume you're on the app. The website is easier IMO. To find their location you have to open their profile.
Which then makes them think you're interested and message even more!
I only look at the profiles that I think look ok. Otherwise I ignore them.

Also there's people near you. They are usually ordered by distance.

Thanks myoldbrain I was trying out the app but have deleted it for now!

cold I know exactly what you mean. MrD is v chatty, the problem I have with him is I don't trust him. I know this is my issue - I have major major trust issues with men - but I'm also rarely wrong. I've not had bad experiences in my relationships, it's just from other things in my past.

MrD has disappeared once and because of that, I am finding it v v hard to 'hear' what he is saying. He considers us in a relationship, he considers us an item. I don't want to list the red flags here because I don't want to identify myself too much but considering how long we have known each other, they are fairly significant but also could be a sign of a man who is scared of getting hurt (and he has been hurt badly in the past).

He doesn't know I have trust issues but I need these red flags to be dealt with and the only way we will deal with them is by seeing each other regularly as people can't hide if you see them regularly if you know what I mean!

I am a positive person but also cynical and I tend to not believe someone's words till I've seen them in action.

Am v good at attracting sociopaths :) and they are master arts at telling you what you want to hear whilst behaving in a different way!

jesuis v pleased things are going well still!

Hmm glad to see OLD is still as wonderful as ever - matches with someone on tinder and they messaged ‘hi I’m .... I like to fuck and have fun’-unmatched,Next!

@Daffo, do you think MrD might just have a avoidant attachment style? If so you are fighting a losing battle unless he has therapy to address those issues. He will most likely be this way with every relationship he has.

Going to New Zealand soon.
Maybe I'll meet a Kiwi and stay out there

I don't know rich. I don't think I know him well enough to tell yet. I think possibly he's as hesitant to trust me as I am him. Either that or he's telling me lies and still seeing loads of other people. I don't know what the truth is and only seeing him regularly will sort this out.

Meant to say earlier how pleased I am for you :) - you sound so happy :)

Thank you so much :) It seems to be going well but I'm trying to keep grounded. She's busy tonight and tomorrow but wants to come and stay at mine on Sunday.

I guess only seeing them regularly will let you see what lies underneath. I do hope it works itself out for you though.

daffo just look after yourself, in the ten weeks I kinda dated Mr BTO I lost 6kgs due to perma stress. It's taken me a few weeks to think "I will prioritise mely needs next time", looking back I totally tolerated crap behaviour from Mr BTO and excused all his flakiness waaay too easily as socially and intellectually we were a great fit. Most awful grim date ever mon +very pleasant coffee date today (with second date lined up) has also cheered me up and made me think properly on what I want /need /will tolerate and strengthened my resolve that being me and being single might also be super OK too....

Mely = me and my... Effing phone

I do know what you mean cold.

I don't feel stressed by it - I did that day when he cancelled but to be fair he did rearrange for the next day and I was probably being oversensitive given his disappearing before.

If we met up and both decided not to give it a go, I wouldn't be distraught. I just need to know either way now whether this is going to be something or it's nothing and I go back to the drawing board.

Because this thing where we drift apart then come back together either must stop completely or we make something of it because that is the bit that does not meet my needs. And that's the bit I'm trying to resolve. Don't know if that makes sense.

Hi,
Would it be wrong to date a 27yr old? I'm old enough to be his Mum, easily!! We've been chatting. Nothing sexual. He said he just gets on with older women better. Hmm.
I guess I'm missing MrWow. .
Koko I'm on Badoo. It's frustrating when you Match with someone to find out they live miles away. You can buy credits as a 'one off' to see who 'likes' you so you can check them out but tbh, I've not found anyone who I like back! Lol.

koko, eek must have been weird seeing Mr Weekend on there. What was his aggressive profile saying?!

daffo totally right, you'll only get the measure of his words if he follows through with actions. And time will tell I think.

Spent the eve with some friends who were being smug married, so annoying 😂.

I'm looking forward to my date tonight!!

cool I loathe smug marrieds I really do. I had a whole day of them last weekend. I know it's mean but I did console myself with the fact that I was probably shagging more than them

Hope everyone's doing well this weekend

I had my 3.5 date (called that by Mr E. Because I came over to his after being out with friends first)

Things are going well, for those on the fence about slow burners, I would say for some at least it's worth a shot

I think after the 2nd date I was unsure; but spending time with him at his, drinking and talking rubbish all night, can bring people out of their shell.

Mr E. Is different from the men I have been with before in that he is not a broken person I'm trying to 'fix' he appears a together, content man, looking for someone to share his life with.

I've been reading alot of psychology and about attachment styles, I can see that I need a lot of reassuring that I'm loved and wanted.
I think in the past I have chosen men who are damaged, I really want to change this and actually enjoy a relationship

coolcahuna he is also on tinder and I swiped right to see if we matched and we didhe sent me a message via tinder (why not just wa me?!) and was clearly open to restarting things but I politely declined and called him out on his behaviour so finally got my closure message across (to which he hasn’t replied).
Profile just contained lies re all sorts of things and was quite aggressive - doubt he’ll get many swiping right...