Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

midcentury I'm in Asia on work for a week so on a totally different time zone :) but yes I'm an early riser anyway! At the moment my head isn't even sure what day it is!

MrD has come back last night and in a conversation casually mentioned that he isn't single. For a second I thought he meant he had a girlfriend and then I realised he meant he thinks he's in a relationship with me .

I know for most people this would be good news :) and you all know how much I like MrD but we have not seen each other for ages, he's not called Mr Disappearing for nothing and as much as I would love a relationship with him, one of the characteristics of one is actually seeing each other!

We have had some lovely conversations and have really confided a lot in each other but I am absolutely not getting my hopes up till we see each other and have a chat about this. I am away now so we can't see each other for a week and nothing is set up. He has said he wants to see me regularly but I have heard this before.

I am not sure how much his heart is in it. Sometimes he is all over me and sometimes he's completely absent. All I can do is wait and see when we find time to see each other and see what happens when we meet and just hope he does turn up. I need to have this conversation face to face with him. And it's been waiting a while.

I know I can't move on till I've ruled this 'relationship' in or out so let's see

He’s really messing with your head @DaffoDeffo. You definitely need to have the conversation but it might need to be over the phone since you can’t get him face to face.

Well the key issue is seeing each other so it has to be face to face :) - his words are wonderful but it's the following it up with action that's key

We haven't seen each other for a few weeks now but tbh I have been travelling and will be for another week or so and he has had to go away to sort out this crisis so we really haven't had an opportunity

Help! I've just started chatting to a potential FWB. We've only exchanged a handful of messages and established that we are looking for similar things.
Then he says - I need to tell you, I prefer giving.

Am I being a bit dim? Is he referring to oral? Or am I missing something?

My I would construe that as wanting to give oral not receive it, but the only way you can be sure is to ask him to state his needs and expectations clearly. It may mean he has a fetish of some sort.

I think he does mean that, MyOldBrain.

PS you don't have to write fetishes off of course - one of the beauties of FWBs is you can try new things

So I started using Tinder for the first time a couple of days ago. I've only matched with 5 guys - one obviously unmatched me as he disappeared, three haven't sent a message and one I swiped on my accident but he did message to say he was flying back to the Netherlands (although when I apologised for accidentally swiping on him he did give me a few useful Tinder tips!) I know I can message first but I don't want to (hence not really liking Bumble).
Not loving it so far...

Sunshine I found Tinder was busiest on Friday evening and Saturday morning (though this does depend on your location I would have thought), it's worth sticking with it. Also, to get a wide range of matches I wasn't too picky about who I swiped on - I tended to concentrate on swiping left, and if there wasn't a good reason to swipe left (eg fish, small child in photo, 'just ask' as profile, open about being too short) I swiped right. The men I've ended up getting on really well with had shit profiles and look far better in real life than in their tragic pics. And I messaged first if I had something to say

Thanks @MovemberBlues. I am being quite picky I guess as I don't want to waste mine or anyone else's time with crap dates!

Morning guys!

Still on cloud nine after date last night. We have also arranged another for Sunday night!!

Been texting when he got home last night and again today.

daffodeffo firstly hugs. But secondly I am struggling to understand what you are getting out of the relationship with Mr Disappearing . And he seems to be stopping you from looking at other men. Solid advice I think is to pay attention to someone’s actions and not their words. Fair enough you both have busy lives, but if you are feeling anxious and he isn’t putting f in effort in other ways to let you know you are important, what is it you are benefitting from?

I was guilty of totally over investing in my first iron, Mr London, who is lovely when we see each other but has made no effort to discuss exclusivity etc after 5-6 dates and is hopeless at messaging. I’n accepting now that if he wanted to pin things down he would have done. So I’ve continued to pursue other irons. I’ve had a FWB thing with Mr Local although I think I’m bored of that. And had a date last night with Mr Prof, although I’m not sure we had a spark. Got a few chats going on tinder.

I want to meet someone that I’m happy with and not second guessing. If someone likes you, you should feel it. IMHO.

I hope this isn’t too blunt x

sunshine if the date is going to be crap though you would weed that out in messaging. I suppose what I'm saying is I set the bar low for swiping, higher for messaging (unmatched the hiya gawjus bozos) and higher again to meet

Movember - Yes, I see what you're saying. Maybe I need to be less picky with the swiping. I'll give it a go later!

notcoolmum it's fine, I don't take offence so don't worry! First of all, it's my choice not to see anyone else. I could see other people but it's pointless. I tried and tbh, until I've resolved this, it does nothing for me.

The situation with MrD is complicated. We have known each other a while and had a dating 'thing' going on that was incredibly passionate and wonderful for a v short time (maybe 2 months? not exclusive) but he disappeared - not without telling me - but just said he was in the wrong place and needed to sort his life out (admittedly there was a whole load of awful shit going on). I wasn't invested that much so wished him well and deleted him (as he did me). I went back to dating, met a load of people....

then out of the blue he reappeared (am terrible with timings but probably a month ago), he explained why he disappeared and said he had missed me, we saw each other, he was totally head over heels, but then there was a gap in us seeing each other and he pulled out of the next date but then did rearrange something a day later and we saw each other. Now I'm travelling and he's away.

The issue for me is that if I am going to invest, I need to believe that he's not going to disappear and as he's done it once before, I need to speak to him about what his intentions are and I just don't want to do that unless I can do it face to face.

Thanks for the replies - Movember, shitwith, MadCat. I thought he was talking about oral but just wanted to make sure as he randomly dropped in the chat.

It's immaterial now anyway - he's gone off in a huff because I said no to him coming to my house at 1am tomorrow morning. He's the second one to ask that. And get funny when I insist on a public meet first.

MyOldBrain ewww sounds like both were after FBs not FWBs. The key point is being friends, which in my book you have to establish by meeting first with sex off the cards (even if it is then very difficult at that meeting to resist the urge!). Bullets dodged I would say

Movember I suspect I'm going to have to weed out quite a few who just want a quick hookup (despite what they say).
I wouldn't feel safe inviting a stranger to my house at any time never mind in the middle of the night

myoldbrain in my very honest opinion I think a lot of men say they prefer giving oral as they hope it will make you more likely to get into bed with them :). I'm sure some may genuinely mean it but so early on I would just regard it as a man who is trying to talk you into bed by telling you he's good at things that he thinks you might like . Cynical moi?!

Hey all, had my fourth date last night... we went for dinner and the cinema. I've only just got into work 4 hours late due to staying over at hers last night :)

@shitwithsugaron FB is just a fuckbuddy. Shag and go kind of thing
FWB is friend with benefit which involves a proper friendship (so still enjoying cinema/ meal/ drinks together and sex but with no commitment, strings or exclusivity)

@richdeniro yey! So pleased it's going so well for you 

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I'd also assume oral, unless you're wearing a great big strap-on in any of your pictures 🧐