Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I'm talking to a bloke who keeps asking "any flirting" anyone have a clue what he means?

I don’t think I’d want a second date at someone’s house. Especially if the first was just a coffee date (which I always think of as a quick weirdo check 😆).

I agree that he needs to make more effort. None of this is about ‘maintaining your value’; it’s actually about you setting expectations and boundaries that work for you. Because what’s coming across in your description of Mr Italy is uncertainty about his motivations. And you shouldn’t sleep with him if you don’t feel confident that it’s what you want, however pushy he is.

You can do walks and meals in the timeslots you do have available though. Romantic lunches are totally possible. Or breakfasts.

Early on my BF and I had some lunch dates during our working day. They were fun.

scotgal I managed to find time for 2 daytime dates last week. Coffee/brunch and walk/lunch. Both were slotted in around our kids and work.
If he wants to date you and not just meet you for sex then that shouldn't be a problem.

No idea what ‘any flirting?’ might mean. Other than suggesting the messager is utterly clueless.

Twice It's like he speaks a different language 🙄

#MyOldBrainStoppedWorking

I know someone else answered but thought it was also worth commenting - I have a few FB's.

I joined Okcupid and this is where I have met all the people I slept with, my profile options say I am looking for hook ups and short term dating - in reality I don't want short term dating but thought it looked better.

In my profile spiel I put that I was just out of a long relationship and looking for fun....

The men came flocking!!!
Generally I chatted to them on the site for a day or so and then we would move to WhatsApp and I would generally meet them after a week or so of chatting regular.

One of my first guys suggested meeting in a pub even though we both just wanted sex, we ended up having 2 drinks and then went back to his. He is my most regular FB, I have seen him weekly for the last 3.5 months.

All the other guys I have met I have gone straight to theirs for sex, I found after a week or so of chatting I had a feel for them and luckily no one I met is a weirdo.
My best friend acted as my date buddy so I would give her the guys full name, address and phone number and also message her every hour to say I was safe.

I now have a handful of guys who are my FB's - all know I sleep with other guys and they are all on OLD and some are having sex with others as well.

I always use protection with everyone.

In the last month or so I have come off OLD as I am bored with it and I have a nice group of guys I can call on when the need arises.

Its working really well and I hope they will be long termers - apart from one all have no plans for relationships in the future as they have been burnt before and are happy being single with someone to have sex with.

I have massive trust issues due to my marriage and this set up is perfect for me.

If you have any other questions let me know.

@twice @old yes, I'll suggest a brunch maybe for next meeting and see what reaction I get.

It's just really annoying, both Mr Cheekybanter and Mr italy asked what i was looking for on OLD. I said to both just someone to spend time with, have a laugh with, go on adventures etc with and I asked them both the same thing......and both said straight off they wanted a relationship. I'm not some old prude and i wish they were just honest and cut out all the games and bullcrap, i had that for 20 years and really don't have the energy for anymore of it. if you're looking for a FWB, then tell me that? No, I might not agree (I probably would though lol) but then you have the luxury of 1000's of other women to ask and move on from me. It's times like these I wish i had a time machine so i can go back and stop myself from joining up on the sites, living in my happy bubble with my kids and dogs

I’ve joined Tinder today for the first time and swiped through all the men in a 10 year age range and 35k radius with one match 😂
He hasn’t messaged me and I didn’t like Bumbke because I didn’t want to message first so a slow start!
My match subscription ends soon and I won’t be renewing it.

@likeriding to me, they are probably trying to say, "when are we going to exchange some naughty messages, leading to me seeing you naked?"... In his own, dumb ass way. I'd avoid.

@shit, yes that is a fair point, i did make sure people knew the address where I was just in case....

@likeriding it sounds like he is asking if you are up for flirty chat to me but who knows????

I decided to just ask, he's going to have to start using sentences or I'm giving up anyway, apparently it means "have you been chatting to other men" to which I've answered "yes, several" 😁

I don’t think anyone would have understood ‘any flirting?’ to mean that. I think it’s pretty much an unwritten rule of OLD that you just don’t ask if they’re chatting to anyone else. I’d always assume that they are but not bring it up.

likeridingabike what an odd thing to ask you! Someone asked me the same once and i said 'yes lots'.
He then said he wanted me to tell him something the others didn't know. Oh do sod off 😂

twice It's the first time I've been asked.

Cool I think he's keen but a bit awkward, he wants to meet which is an improvement on my usual pen pals. He's clear by this point that sex talk isn't happening.

Agree with everything @JeSuisPrest and @TwiceMagic have said. And @richdeniro.

I don't think there's a direct link between when you sleep together and how he values you. I think if someone is going to respect you as a person they'll do it regardless of whether you sleep together on date one or date 10. It's says more about them than you if they lose respect for you for having sex with them, when they themselves have obviously done the same 🤷🏼‍♀️ seems very hypocritical
I've never felt like he expects sex every time we meet (although it generally happens 😆) and I've always felt respected and valued.

Oh hey 1st it’s not a skill; just my own gobshite opinions is all . I do think alot of the angst of OLD could be avoided, though, if we were able to drop some of the people pleasing/trying to guess what’s going on in relative strangers’ heads and just look at what’s actually happening, decide if it’s what we want and if not then can it.

But I’m 50; there’s less time in front of me than behind, my tolerance for bullshit is low and I’d rather be on my own than in something subpar.
That said I have been known to message a couple of the erstwhile male posters on the thread (who have since become friends) to go “what the fuck is going on HERE?” for a male perspective on the (very) odd occasion. So do as I say, not as I do, maybe

And yeah that “I’ll let you go” thing sounds irksome. And yes, a tad manipulative. Red flag, maybe? How keen are you??

Confused.....I've posted before about seeing a non committment kinda guy. I really like him and feel we connect and the sex is amazing.

However he says he's not ready for a relationship. Only been separated a year and was with his ex for 15 years so I can kinda understand why.

Anyone else experiencing this?

I’m very much for not having sex early on, but much of that is down to liking the anticipation/build up. And I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I do think, generally, we value more highly what we have to work towards getting (the whole mooseburgers thing). And that the gender divide really hasn’t closed as much as people think when it comes to what makes a man respect/want a long term romantic relationship with a woman (which is, I’m aware, not what everyone wants, but is what I want)

I’ll get me coat......

@RollsEyes @scotgal2017, be careful. I'm concerned that you're going round to his place this early. Where are the dates? He should be wining and dining you and impressing you. No offence, but it all sounds a bit seedy and clandestine to me. Raise your bar!

Of course it's important to stay safe and be careful etc but you're the one who's chatting to him and getting to know him so really only you can make that call. Do his text convos steer towards sex? Does he take an interest in the things you talk about? Do you feel like he's trying push towards sex even if his words are saying the opposite? Does it feel like he'd be happy spending time with you in other ways? Trust your gut, while he may be saying he wants a relationship what other signs is he giving you? Try and step back and look at the bigger picture and what he's telling you through his actions.
Saying that, If someone is going to use you for sex I think whether you sleep together on date 1,2 or 32 is irrelevant.

I'm dating an ex of mine. Well . Not an ex. we dated back In feb for about 3 months and I jsut felt like he was the one . I was with someone for 7 years before that and felt more with this guy in 3 months than I did with my ex . Urgh. Anywhooo....

He said he couldn't handle a relationship at that time and wanted space . He recently had broken up with ex of many years and needed to deal with himself blah blah .

He came back after 6 months and we've been seeing each other for about a month so far . Seeing each other maybe 2-3 times a week and he's been great , Saturday was AMAZING. I Asked him to ask me to hang out next time as it was always me ( I'm a planner ) and he said sure , well our normal date nights have come and gone and I'm in a state of panic . He has been rough with work etc this week so I'm thinking truly that is it , but at the back of my mind I'm thinking he's running again.

I also just sent a risky text and he hasn't responded but I've seen him online. ^sigh

Well my second date didn’t happen. She had to cancel the original plan as didn’t have anyone to look after her dog and she didn’t want to leave him all evening (with travelling it’s 6/7 hours). I offered to travel more towards her or suggested taking him for a walk. Then there were some crossed wires whilst trying to firm up plans (she was at work and I was at a friend’s birthday party) and she thought I cancelled. Basically didn’t end up meeting because once the misunderstanding had been cleared up, she’d kind of settled into the idea of not doing anything that night and couldn’t be bothered 🤔

She did want to arrange something else and we had a bit of a mare figuring out a day where we were both free but managed to fix something in between shifts for next week Thursday. Kind of on the fence with this - on 1 hand, I get the whole just not wanting to go out and she’s had a hectic few days at work so likely to be knackered and I’d much much rather someone was honest and just said that (hell I do to my friends sometimes and I love the friends I can say that to without them getting arsey) but on the other hand feel if she was into me she would be keener? I don’t know. I’ll see how next week pans out.

Think I’ll do some swiping and find someone else to chat with in the meantime to keep me busy, that lovely date did make me realise I do want to meet someone!

Forever I understand not wanting to leave the dog that long if she's been out all day, but that's going to be an ongoing problem, best to get more irons definitely.