Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@washy et al, i don't want to bang on about Mr Italy it's just something I'll have to go through i suppose. @washy i totally agree, it could be 1st date or 10th date and it may only just be for sex.

I suppose i'm just finding it hard to get my head round how the world of dating works......last time I was single there were no dating apps, heck there wasn't even Google.....it was a meet someone, put your all into getting them to like you, spend time with them and make things develop. It's a totally different kettle of fish now....

Mr Italy backed off if i told him he was trying to get too heavy. I was there 2 hours and most of it was spent talking, he showed me photos of his town, places he'd been etc. He's either playing a very good waiting game for sex or he is interested in me as a person, i just can't tell. He has said he likes me several times, but then the previous guy did that and he just wanted sex. Mr Italy is not a great communicator on WA but is fine in person.

I guess i have several options: sleep with him and see what happens after (I'm not adverse to having sex with him, i am attracted to him and he passed the looming test) or I hold out and try to suss out how keen he really is for a real relationship. I'm at a point with OLD that it is too stressful because it is not how it was done in the olden days and so i think if Mr Italy fizzles I'll leave it for a while lol.

Scot I'm inclined to say do what feels right for you

If you go in with your eyes open and think ok this might end in sex, but I'm doing it for me, then why not?

I had sex with Mr E. On date 3 because I was keen to 'get back on the horse' of course there was a chance I could have been ghosted (always is!) But I knew that going in

If say it's far to early to think about relationships and what might happen, there too many variables. Do what makes you happy no more.

I felt that getting all dressed up, new underwear (plus post kids wobble!) Made me feel amazing and it was well received.

Remember you are dating to enjoy it

OK, I've been messaging for the past week and a half a man who lives an hour or so away from me. I wrote about him on this thread a few days ago. He ticks a lot of boxes, except for the distance, of course. We spoke for an hour a couple of nights ago and he sent me a message the next day to say how happy he was about our conversation.

We want to meet up but, as he said, checking our respective diaries between childcare (our free weekends don't line up), kids' birthdays, work and Christmas, the first free weekend would be the New Year's one. We've made that a date.

So here's my question. I have a tendency to fear rejection (I guess we all do) and I'm a bit worried that waiting three weeks before we see each other could dampen the fire a bit. He's been an absolute gentleman so far (which I find relatively rare OLD). He seems to be looking for a proper relationship but if that's the case why choose someone who lives so far away? In my shoes would you chat about this with him? Would you cut your losses with the long-distance thing?

Thank you!

@gettingstherehopefully I'd take it as it comes and not get too far ahead of yourself.
I'd been chatting with my now BF for about 2 weeks online/WA and then it was another 3 weeks before we could physically meet for our first date.
Yes there was a chance that it could have fizzled out during that time but I knew I liked him enough to wait and I thought if he felt the same then he would too ....and if he didn't feel the same then why would I care? He's a relative stranger still
We chatted daily during that time, although it never felt forced, and obviously the rest is history
Let the date happen, see how you feel and cover the distance thing later.
There are hurdles and issues that crop up in all relationships but I think bringing all these potential problems up at such an early stage is unnecessary and almost like you're looking for reasons for it not to work out.
My advice is to just let it happen and enjoy

@scotgal2017
I agree with @WaitingforMrHardy

Oh yes totally understand re the dog, I’m a dog person and completely understand their needs - it was more the nah I can’t really be bothered now that’s made me a bit but we will see. Hypothetically long term that wouldn’t be an issue as we can go to each other’s houses so it’s no big deal. Feel a little flat and can’t be arsed to get swiping!

Hi can I join?

Been single a year, started OLD about 7 weeks ago.

On Tinder and Bumble, was on POF but deleted it (too many weirdos).

Am having a fair few dates, mostly non starters but have a few I like. Not wanting to burn my bridges too soon but also struggle with chatting to too many men as it goes against my monogamistic nature!

Tinder problem - Has anyone had a similar issue?
Downloaded the app yesterday, set up a profile. Then closed it as I was too scared to start swiping.
Tried to open it again later but it wouldn't open. I had to uninstall it and download it again.
Then this morning, same problem.
If I want to use Tinder I have to delete the app off my phone then download it again - every time I want to use it.

Very helpfully, Tinder say I should uninstall it and reinstall it to make sure I have the latest version.

I've used POF on and off for years.
Probably had the most dates from there.
But its got so much worse last year or two.
Also less people joining? Could wait weeks for anyone 25-50 miles from me.

That's such brill advice, wishywashy6. Thank you so much for taking the time to write al that down. I completely agree with you but sometimes it does good to hear somebody else's perspective.

@gettingstherehopefully
I had the same thing recently, but contact started to stop few days after our first date.
For me an hour or two distance is never an issue if both parties make the effort to travel to the nearest town/city, take it in turns etc.
I don't expect daily contact, I just want someone to want to see me and vise versa. Fri, Sat or Sun, or week day evening if weekend is not possible. Once in a steady dating pattern that is.

@gettingstherehopefully you're welcome! It's easy to get caught up overthinking sometimes and doubting yourself, but that's kind of what this thread is for!
Just to add to what @unique1986 said re the contact thing, don't read too much into it if it isn't too regular. What's normal for one isn't normal for another. I know I said we kept daily contact but it wasn't expected, that's just what was normal for us and because our convos had gone off on all sorts of tangents it was never generic small talk, just carrying on whatever bollocks we were talking about at the time!
Just go with the flow and don't stress about things that haven't happened yet and might never happen, it's a waste of your valuable energy

I think you just have to be careful gettingthere that you don't get overinvested before you meet. Because it can seem so brilliant until you actually meet each other and then it can be a complete let down (not always, but quite often!).

Hi everyone, trying online dating but not really getting anywhere. I'm on Match, and I mostly get slightly creepy messages from people 10 years older than me. Even all the views are from people 40+. I'm 32 and I'd like to date someone my age for various reasons.

I don't really know what I'm doing wrong! Any tips? I have everything in my profile that I'm active, like travelling, quite mentally energetic, yet I just get inundated with messages from people whom I have nothing in common with. I feel like just giving up really :(

It's because you're on Match falaff. I found there were loads of people in their 40s/50s on there. You'd probably be better off trying tinder/bumble etc

The kids in the 30s in my office are all on bumble

I have a second date tonight and have no idea what to wear!!! Met the fellow at a party, we went on a date and I ended up very drunk tipsy. Feel slightly embarrassed about it but fuck it. He wants to take me for dinner tonight - the place I want to go is pretty expensive - I don't mind paying halves but I know he'll Insist on paying. Will I seem like a chancer for choosing the pricey place?!

Slightly scared of Tinder! :/ Isn't it just about hook ups? I'm not really after that. I will give Bumble a try. Also, I just feel like there are so few people who have things in common with me and who I find attractive. Maybe I am being too picky.

@falaff my ex husband met his new partner on tinder and he's just asked her to marry him, so no it's not just for hook-ups!
You get guys wanting to hook up on all the sites but you also get genuine guys on the sites that have that reputation

Thank you @ Eesha and @CoverMeLads for replying. Will take it as a ghost and move on. What a shame I thought he was quite a catch.
Does anyone recommend eharmony? I'm looking for a LTR & Tinder ain't cutting it.

OK I will give it a go! Do you get to find out about the person too or is it just pictures? Both are quite important to me but obviously most important is having a good time with someone. Anyway I will stop being a wimp and give it a go :)

@falaff erm I can't remember too much but someone else can help I'm sure!
Chatting is the best way to get an idea of people though, half the time I found people's profiles were a load of bollocks I'd rather speak to them and judge for myself!
From speaking with others I think certain sites just seem to work better for certain people, maybe it's down to the area you're in?? I don't know 🤷🏼‍♀️
I met my bf on badoo which most people I've spoken to say is full of weirdos (which in fairness it is!) but once you sift through them there are plenty of genuine guys on there too. It was always the app I seemed to connect with most guys on but maybe I'm a weirdo too

I'm quite liking the new information on people's Bumble profile - gives it the edge on Tinder for me. Can say what you're looking for and whether you have or want kids etc. This is saving me alot of grief!

I don't know how old you are lannister but I found eharmony a disaster and I know a lot of people on this thread did too

what it seemed to do was match me to others on my income, which is not what I want. And a HUGE amount of much much older men. For the first week, I only got matched with men who were 20 years older than me

I really wouldn't recommend it

(sorry should clarify that I have a fairly demanding job - what I actually don't want is someone in the same position as me and eharmony only matched me with people like that or sugar daddy retired types!)

as cool says bumble does have info on there (what you're looking for, whether you want kids) and you can write about yourself

saved me a lot of hassle too as I don't want someone who still wants kids so you can rule a lot out this way!