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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being replaced

991 replies

brainache78 · 01/12/2018 11:15

I am absolutely broken and confused.

My DP of 5 years dumped me out of the blue a few weeks ago. He said it 'wasn't working' and I don't understand what he meant.

We were friends for years before we got together and had a wonderful (I thought) relationship. We have the same sense of humour, taste in music, outlook on life, taste in pretty much everything. We have a million in-jokes and deeply care for one another. We rarely argued and, when we did, worked through it in a adult fashion and made up quickly. I thought we were so, so happy.

And then bang. I'm dumped.

I've been struggling with that for a few weeks. Doing the usual heartbroken things - not eating or sleeping and crying pretty constantly. Not knowing where it went wrong.

And then - guess what? - he's seeing someone else. He says there was no overlap, but I don't believe that.

It doesn't really matter either way - the fact is that he has chosen someone else over me.

And I know it sounds arrogant, but I don't understand what someone else can give him that I can't. We are such a good match. It has totally destroyed my faith in everything I believed about me, him and our relationship and I'm grieving.

He says he still loves me. He has been on the phone crying about how much he misses me - yet he is sticking to his guns (before you say it - I have blocked him now - but we have the same mutual friends, so I saw him at a funeral yesterday and there are always going to be times where we see each other).

Our friends are as baffled as I am and are mostly calling him a fucking idiot. I believe some of them have said it to his face.

So what is all that about - and how the hell do I get over someone throwing away everything we had and replacing me before my side of the bed is even cold?!

I am scared I will never love anyone again the way I love him.

OP posts:
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Nikjayne · 31/12/2018 15:07

So I thought I would message him and just said the situation had changed and we needed to communicate about divorce! He still does not have the decency to reply! Why when it’s what he wants!! I can’t believe he has treat me and my daughters like this

missbee90 · 31/12/2018 15:24

Ahh ladies you’ve all made me smile today, the comments about the ex’s did tickle me.
In a way I wish mine had left for OW but he met his new girlfriend at a wedding a few weeks after leaving (my best friend was there so I know this is the truth)., the wedding he wore the suit in that he got married in to!! What a laugh.. met his new girlfriend whilst wearing his wedding suit!

I hope you all have an nice new year as you can

missbee90 · 31/12/2018 15:25

@Nikjayne If he doesn’t reply then just send the divorce papers, sorry you’re going through this x

Orange6904 · 31/12/2018 15:25

Yeah I had all that Nicki Jayne, wouldn't reply about anything formal that needed sorting.

carrotflinger · 31/12/2018 16:53

@Nikjayne go and see a solicitor in the new year and get their advice.
File for divorce.

He's an absolute fucker. He thinks he can just waltz off without dealing with anything?
He's treated you and your daughters appallingly.

Nikjayne · 31/12/2018 18:23

I wish I could feel that hate cause I am still blaming myself, how could he go from adoring me to feeling nothing at all

Orange6904 · 31/12/2018 18:45

I think you're still in shock @Nikjayne, it's normal. It takes some time to process. x

brainache78 · 01/01/2019 13:02

Well there goes my date!
I'm really ill! I have a cold, but it's a bad one. I kept waking up all night with the sweats and have a majorly dodgy stomach. I can't be further than a few steps from the toilet.

Happy New Year to me!

Really Happy New Year to you all. May this year be better for us all.

OP posts:
missbee90 · 01/01/2019 13:14

Oh @brainache78 that’s so annoying, get it rescheduled and rest up!

Your are quite literally getting the shit out of your body and life ready for 2019!!!

Orange6904 · 01/01/2019 13:15

Oh no :( Hope you feel better soon. It's that time of year isn't it when there's all sorts going around.

Happy New Year brainache and to everyone on the thread. Wine

brainache78 · 01/01/2019 13:15

Haha! That's a good way to look at it @missbee90!

How are you today?

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brainache78 · 01/01/2019 13:17

Thank you, @Sausage101.

I'm just glad it happened this week and not next when I'm going back to work after several months off with depression. It would not be good to be sick as soon as I'm back, would it?!

How are you today?

OP posts:
LadyKalila · 01/01/2019 13:20

Don't give him another thought, he's obviously a waste of space and not a nice person. Lick your wounds and enjoy being single for a while.

Orange6904 · 01/01/2019 13:31

Yeah I suppose it's best out the way now! :)

I'm okay thanks, thinking of some goals to set for the first few months of this year.

brainache78 · 01/01/2019 13:34

That's a positive step @Sausage101. I've put down a deposit for my summer holiday and have planned nice things for Feb half term and Easter holidays. It's good to have stuff to look forward to.

OP posts:
brainache78 · 01/01/2019 18:03

Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Just seen a picture of him with new woman.

She's absolutely gorgeous.

Wish I hadn't seen that.

OP posts:
Lolorolomolo · 01/01/2019 18:08

Ouch

brainache78 · 01/01/2019 18:09

Massive ouch.

Photos of them together looking all cosy.

And guess what? She's into biking. He started doing his bike license months ago.

No overlap my arse.?

OP posts:
brainache78 · 01/01/2019 18:12

I'm actually shaking. I feel so rejected and not good enough.

I am not very pretty. I am a bit overweight. I'm not at all surprised that his head was turned by her. She's a million steps up for him.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Trying so hard not to cry.

OP posts:
brainache78 · 01/01/2019 18:14

Please help me. I'm going under.

OP posts:
Lolorolomolo · 01/01/2019 18:15

Search they always affair down and see if it helps

deepwatersolo · 01/01/2019 18:22

Look, if she were so awesome, why could she not get herself some awesome young Paul Newman type of boyfriend who wins bike races. - but just your Ex? I tell you she has issues. Maybe she has never read a book nor a newspaper. Has an embarrassing snort-laugh. Tells abysmal jokes. There is definitely a reason she ended up with your loser-Ex.

BackInTheRoom · 01/01/2019 18:25

@brainache78

Breathe. Just breathe.

Sounds like he went for her looks then OP? How incredibly cliche 🙄. Please don't put yourself down, none of us are perfect, we've all got issues. Keep talking to us on here, vent away Thanks

brainache78 · 01/01/2019 18:29

Thanks, you lot. It just hurts. Really, really hurts.

She may be hot, but she doesn't love him like I do - and she won't get him the way I do. It's just not possible that she's the complete package we had.

But if that's what he wants, then I hope he's happy.

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 01/01/2019 18:33

He's probably in Limerence. So bloody unnecessary.

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