What if I never move on

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone

Sitting here wondering and knowing my ex will move on and be with someone else soon and how horrific it will make me feel...

Does everyone feel like that? I just know it will tear me apart. I feel so unloveable and I don't want to open my heart to anyone ever again

Just feeling really low and could do with some words of wisdom or hand holding

yep normal to feel
this way i would say

I think the thought of a partner moving on is why a lot of men & women stay in shitty relationships.

Of course you’re going to feel apprehensive about him moving on but....He’s your ex for a reason - you need to remember that.

My stbxh had moved on in our marriage about March time. He's having a wonderful time with his little girlfriend, don't worry I'm divorcing him. So I guess I'm dealing with this pain already really. I'm lucky that I can see him for the utter ballbag he is, so I think she is welcome to him, I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire now. I know my worth and despite his cheating I'm glad to be out of the toxic web of lies he has brought into my life and my child's life. I have every faith time will heal both you and me.
We will absolutely definitely meet someone else, but we have got to be ready for that when the time is right and we'll be a whole lot wiser about what we need from a relationship, I know I will be. This forum is great because all I can see are some very strong ass women holding it together through the same sort of mess I'm in. You should take heart in that, we will thrive, trust in yourself! XXXX

I'm sure you aren't unlovable. Did it end badly?

You're not immovable OP but you are vulnerable. He must have hurt you very badly.

Immovable??? Apologies. Unlovable.

Yes it did end quite badly but I know in my heart I tried everything I could and over 3 years he has dragged me through hell and back but it still won't make it any easier when I see him with a new girl on social media

He will do this quickly to try and show or prove to everyone that I was the problem...which we both know isn't true.

I really truly hope one day I will look at him and think he's a scum bag which is what he is but my self worth and confidence needs to be worked on. I just don't even know where to begin 😢
Feeling very unloveable and I don't know how to change that

Thank you @Abitsadbuthopeful
Your words give me hope x

I felt the same way about my ex’s. You know deep down they weren’t right for you but it’s still stinging to see them move on and be happy. Only way I could process it was avoid them. In person. On social media. Etc. Until enough time had passed and I no longer cared. Not practical for everyone but worked for me.

I absolutely think he was right for me...that's the problem
He did everything imaginable to hurt me and he has deep rooted issues so I have had to walk away for the last time.

I hope I don't look back and wish I had tried again

How can he be right for you if he did everything imaginable to hurt you?

You cannot fix him. In fact, the least likely he would be to embark on change would be with a partner who had tolerated/forgiven/accepted his cruelty in the past.

I bet he doesn't go in to work and say cruel things that will hit the sore spot at work. No, he saves the cruelty for you.

This is not the ''right'' person for you.

I recommend looking in to co-dependency and the human magnet syndrome.

How was he right for you? From what you were saying he was an utter jerk. He hurt you.

Pfft. What am I saying!? I remember one girl who treated me like a door mat and I would still crawl naked on all fours over broken glass for her. I was convinced she was the one. Part of me still does...

Sorry poster. I rescind my earlier comment. We’re all idiots when it comes to love. Cake. Cake is the only solution.

He is a bad person with narc traits and it's only now I have breathed fresher air that I can see this and staying in this relationship was toxic.
I think I will always love him as part of me doesn't want to believe that what we had wasn't real but I guess I'll never know

I feel the same way about my ex OP. I know he’s a shit but I still love him very much. I’m not sure I’ll ever really get over him but it’s about learning to live with it.

There are lots of ways of moving on, my ex has met someone and is getting quite serious with them. Myself I've learnt to take time for myself, do things I enjoy and be a person I can love. I have no interest in meeting someone else yes I've moved on but not in a way people might recognise.

@Singletomingle doesnt it bother you though?

Ok. So you will move on OP even though you don't think it now.

It's these experiences that make us stronger. But I am sorry.

If he was a narc then very sadly, it want real. Once you can get too that point, that's when the healing truly begins x

I'm in my mid-fifties and I realise I will probably never have another romantic / sexual relationship. It's been almost two years since my sweetheart broke up with me. He was the love of my life; we knew each other from our teens, even though we (stupidly) married other people. I divorced, he did not. I'm no longer actively grieving but the idea of being with anyone else doesn't interest me.

Nonsense @shivering you're a whipper snapper. And, as you say, you're still grieving.

Give it time. I predict great things for you...

OP if he does meet someone it probably won't be happy for long.
Put him in the past

Sorry you're going through this OP. Is it possible for you to make it so you won't see him on SM. Going completely no contact helps a lot. I take it there aren't any children involved, which has got to be a good thing right.

How do you work on self worth? I see so much about it...I don't even know where to begin.

YOU decide what you're worth. What feels right and what YOU feel comfortable with.

I am desperate for my stbxh to move on. I am hoping that when he does, he will become a nicer person. All his vindictiveness, anger and acting the victim are all aimed at me currently.

Do you not pity any future partners of his though?