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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What if I never move on

130 replies

onemoresmartie · 25/11/2018 13:30

Hi everyone

Sitting here wondering and knowing my ex will move on and be with someone else soon and how horrific it will make me feel...

Does everyone feel like that? I just know it will tear me apart. I feel so unloveable and I don't want to open my heart to anyone ever again

Just feeling really low and could do with some words of wisdom or hand holding

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 11/12/2018 00:51

YOU decide what you're worth. What feels right and what YOU feel comfortable with

This

You truly move on when you don't care what they are up to, not when you beat them in a race to a new relationship.

Honestly i felt like you at first and did have a little casual relationship foe a while which wad fun, but now I honestly don't care if I meet someone else or not.

mummyoftwounder2s · 11/12/2018 01:19

Don't let it bother you, just think he will be making another girl miserable instead of you!

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 11/12/2018 11:01

I really can't shake the feeling...I don't want it to take years! I hate being single and reading all the threads on here about how shit old is makes it worse...is it not better to stay with someone than be on your own?
He was never physically abusive towards me

OP posts:
confuseddotcom2018 · 11/12/2018 16:38

it not better to stay with someone than be on your own?
*
Is it not better to stay with someone than be on your own?
*
Of course it is . Go for it Hmm🙄but for the love of God don't come back here waisting everyone's time posting threads asking for advice you won't even consider.

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 11/12/2018 16:54

I have considered. He's just sent a few messages asking why I'm back in touch, what my intention or hope is...
I felt sick and my heart was racing
I don't know why I do it to myself

OP posts:
StormTreader · 12/12/2018 14:57

Remember how I said its an addiction? This is a relapse.
Its's up to you whether this is a temporary blip or a full relapse.

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 12/12/2018 14:57

I have blocked him again and I'm meeting a friend tonight. I am going to get them to delete all traces of him off my phone.

I can't go on like this. He sent me messages yesterday saying he missed me deeply but he doesn't miss some things...I wasn't prepared to listen to what he had to say as I know it would break me

I haven't got the emotional strength to tell him exactly what he is so I thought it was best to block again

OP posts:
Original poster
onemoresmartie · 12/12/2018 14:58

@StormTreader thank you

I do feel like I have relapsed massively
I don't want to feel like this

OP posts:
StormTreader · 12/12/2018 15:00

It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you pick yourself up :)

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 12/12/2018 15:04

These next two weeks will be horrific as it's Christmas and it would have been spent together. He was trying to make out yesterday that his life is so much better now than when we were together
Just to stab the knife in further
He is manipulative and rotten to the core. There is no value added in opening up the wounds again

OP posts:
StormTreader · 12/12/2018 16:16

"These next two weeks will be horrific as it's Christmas and it would have been spent together. "

Now read the rest of your post. Think of the "lovely Christmas" your heart is telling you you're losing and then compare it with the person you've described. You see how it wouldn't all be soft focus and Victorian carolling children, right?

The best Christmas present you can give yourself is to get started on having a BETTER life, one where you're not continually trying to work out what to say or what someone means by what they've just texted you or feeling like someone is twisting the knife. Find people you actually want to be around, and see them more. Bake Christmas biscuits and put Muppets Christmas Carol on. INSIST that Christmas is here and will be great, and you'll find little snippets where its true.

You have to replace old habits with something else, and hes a very bad shitty habit.

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 14/12/2018 18:06

Is it a bad idea to ask him if he is seeing someone new? I have had such a bad day today

OP posts:
HRTpatch · 14/12/2018 18:11

Don't ask him ANYTHING.
Don't communicate with him.
Did your friend remove all trace of him?
Please have some self respect. He will be laughing with his mates about you

blueangel1 · 14/12/2018 18:23

Don't ask him anything. Don't forget that Christmas with him would be shit. Sorry, but that's how it is. If you can't stop contacting him when you've had a few drinks, then seriously consider not drinking for a while.

Honeyroar · 14/12/2018 18:24

He will indeed be laughing about the girl he doesn't really care about and can pick up whenever he wants.

How are you ever get over him if you keep contacting him? You've got to stop torturing yourself. Is this what you want for your life? You were doing so well. Delete all traces. Try and keep busy and see other friends as much as you can. It's normal to feel sad and upset, it's not good to keep prolonging it for yourself.

BackInTheRoom · 14/12/2018 18:48

Google 'Anxious Attachment'.

BackInTheRoom · 14/12/2018 18:53

He's totally playing you OP. I'm currently broken hearted too, totally played too but I don't believe the bs. The truth is, if you two were so great together, how come you're apart? You two are in the push/pull of a dysfunctional relationship and someone has to break this cycle. I think you need to, to regain the power and it might make you feel less of a victim?

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 14/12/2018 21:00

I have sobbed all day, in work, driving home from work and managed to brave it out in front of my parents then all the way home trying to hide it from ds
I know he has moved on and so I don't need to ask him, he would only lie anyway to keep me hanging.
I think I am going to book a drs appointment as feeling like this is horrific
I look around and no one else seems to be so sad and low

OP posts:
Original poster
onemoresmartie · 14/12/2018 22:14

I've just seen a video of him propping up a bar with a girl that lives in the village no older than 20....surely this can't be the new victim! I'm shaking

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 14/12/2018 22:16

If you are even thinking of moving on then you are already a little bit moved on.

Travisandthemonkey · 14/12/2018 23:56

You’ll get there x

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 15/12/2018 11:16

Been the hardest 24 hours ever, the only thing keeping me going is my ds

OP posts:
Barle13 · 15/12/2018 20:42

You are not alone. I just can't seem to move on - feeling depressed and sad. My husband was the love of my life. He didn't want children, so I am alone. He closed me out of our company where we worked together and left me, it was such a shock. Such a controlling relationship but now I am lost. So I have to find a way to carry on and move on. Taking heart from your support.

Original poster
onemoresmartie · 17/12/2018 12:02

@Barle13 so sorry to hear your going through it as well. Each day gets better if I keep him blocked. I was out with some friends on Saturday and because I have now also deleted his number I couldn't contact him. I feel much better

I need to focus on what makes me feel good so I can properly move on from this. I refuse to let this ruin me.

OP posts:
Barle13 · 17/12/2018 18:41

Thanks for your kind words. .i have no contact with my husband he won't communicate with me only through solicitors. I really want to know why he left without letting me know anything was wrong with our relationship, but he never answers. Not knowing what I did wrong is haunting me. I am glad you have friends to go out with you are doing so well. Keep finding new thing and friends. I try to go out and start a new life as much as I can but loved my life with my husband and have lost everything and don't know why.

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