What if I never move on

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone

Sitting here wondering and knowing my ex will move on and be with someone else soon and how horrific it will make me feel...

Does everyone feel like that? I just know it will tear me apart. I feel so unloveable and I don't want to open my heart to anyone ever again

Just feeling really low and could do with some words of wisdom or hand holding

I know that they will fall for the same trap I did in the beginning and he love bombs so I know they will feel amazing and get the good bits of him in the beginning.

I also worry that he was only so bad to me because I let him away with things. Maybe in the future he will treat someone else the way I always begged him to do

No he won't, op. You are grieving for the relationship you wanted, not for the one you actually had.

After 20yrs with my h, I am pretty much beyond the grieving stage and just wanted out. Doesn't stop me thinking about what could (should) have been. I spent the last few years (once I started to recognise that his behaviour was not my fault, becoming stronger and detaching. I started doing things that I chose to do, not him. That is the way to start moving in, I think. Start doing new things or just more of what makes you feel good

I totally agree rabbit hole. Put them second for a change, put you first!!

I think I will always deeply miss him and find it hard to believe we aren't going to be in each other's lives anymore. I miss talking to him...but I don't unblock as I know there is no point

Bless you .

I might of made a huge mistake...if anyone has the time to read my other posts and let me know if you think it's worth reaching out to him. This feeling won't go away

I have only scanned the first few posts from one of your threads (although may have read others at the time). You mentioned that he is a waste of space, never lifted a finger, happy for you to subsidise his lifestyle but what really worried me was that you said he would get violent if you told him to leave.

All of those things make it a 'no' from me. The potential for him to turn violent though means a 'no no no no no no no' from me!

NO OP!! Stay away from him

These are the things I have to remember when debating getting back in contact.
It's also the shittest time of year to be single, everywhere I look are happy couples, families etc. He wouldn't of been around anyway and this is what I have to remember...

Your heart will heal. You are lovable and will love again.

Do not shut yourself off from love- then you allow the ex to win.

I really hope so...I know I am a good person with a lot of love to give and I'm just gutted I wasted it on the wrong person.

I want to be in a loving, supportive, trusting relationship but he has made me think that second guessing, messaging o/w, lying and giving me scraps of his time and attention when I practically begged was normal.

Surely it's not?

Look his reality is totally skewed, trust me on that. He's living the lie not you.
I think when something like this happens you've got to practise being kind to yourself, it's a massive life change. You have every right to a fulfilling adult relationship, he's the loser in this, not you.

In the nicest way, get a grip OP. He isn't woeth you pining over him. I think you are probably grieving for the relationship you wished you had, not the one you did have.

Get some counselling so you don't make another big man mistake.

@Abitsadbuthopeful thank you...

I am currently going through a similar thing. A very messy ending to a relationship.
One that hasn’t had any real closure, or even been talked through.
A mutual friend of ours told me at the weekend, that he was sorry for the way it ended and did want to talk it through. But apparently has changed his mind and ‘moved on’.
Already?! We ended just short of two months ago, and it’s only been a month since I last saw him.
Needless to say, it’s made me feel awful. And hurts so so much.
I know it’s over, but I too wonder how I can move on. Especially as I still believe that one day, he will get back in touch. Despite being told he’s ‘moved on’.
He was a bad guy. I knew that, I always have.
Just remember; there is no right or wrong way to grieve the end of a relationship. Pain is the reminder that it was love. But as other posters have said; try to avoid the ways that you can be reminded... for example I’ve now blocked him on FB. Archived the last message on WhatsApp and deleted his texts.
We will move on eventually, but that doesn’t mean that we’ll ever stop loving them.

Jesus wept smartie.....re-read the many threads you've written about this loser.

Seriously??

Did you do the reading i suggested in your last thread?

He is trash and will always be trash no matter who he is with.....End of!

Focus on what should be your number one priority....Your child.

you need to work on your self esteem.

Smartie, no one who has read even just one of your threads is going to suggest you've made a mistake in dumping him.

I think he has hit rock bottom. I have had an email, a Facebook poke, he's deposited £2!!! In my bank saying 'sorry' and then messaged me on a dating website this was all in the early hours of this morning
Couldn't make this up! Don't know what to do

Run a mile, and be free.....

Don't interact with him or get drawn into any discussions. Send him one last message that it's over and not to contact you again or you will report him to the police. Then block him on everything!

Stay strong

Don't do it. You'll just reopen the wounds and have to go through all this again. You are not responsible for him, don't let him manipulate you. He will never be the person you want him to be.

Don't contact him, sounds like he's expecting you to. Take back control and don't. He certainly doesn't sound like a catch !

Don't know what to do

Block him.

I'm with @ZestyMaximus - block him, and keep blocking every time he makes up a new identity. To be honest, it sounds as though he is stalking you, which is illegal - and it isn't because he loves you, he wants to control you.

Block