What if I never move on

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone

Sitting here wondering and knowing my ex will move on and be with someone else soon and how horrific it will make me feel...

Does everyone feel like that? I just know it will tear me apart. I feel so unloveable and I don't want to open my heart to anyone ever again

Just feeling really low and could do with some words of wisdom or hand holding

I know what I need to do and that's sit and go through my phone and delete all traces and his number but I can't do it
I know that once I do that it's final even tho I don't want to be back with him I don't feel ready to cut him completely of my life
I miss him so much and feel like he is my soul mate

If you don't delete all traces of him you'll never cut ties, do you want to be in the same position in months to come.
You can't move on and find someone knew if you're always living in the past

Thanks sparklepops
Just finding it so hard

You could do this for years? You do know that don’t you?
He isn’t ever going to give you what you want. And you’re going to waste your life.
You know he’s not the person for you.
All you are doing is avoiding having to really grieve and move on

But you have to decide to choose life. Because you’re literally pissing yours away at the moment and you’ll never ever meet someone who loves you if you carry on like this.

You know the definition of madness is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome

It's actually embarsssing the messages I sent to him. Told him I hated him. I don't ever get in contact because I want to be nice
I think I have a lot of bottled up anger and hate towards him

I don't know how or why I am addicted to him. He doesn't make me feel good, being in contact doesn't make me feel good. I feel like shit

He says he misses me deeply he loves me etc

If he loved you he would of treated you better

That kind of love is an addiction, I've been through that withdrawal more than once.
You have to treat it AS an addiction - you'll want to relapse, you'll think you can scratch that itch with one last drink/pill/text just to "get it out of your system". It'll be hard, really hard. You'll think you can't do it, that you may as well just text because the bad feelings will never end anyway. Stay strong, stay firm, be your own best friend. You just have to keep trying as much as you can and you'll make it out the other side. Once you do, you'll wonder why you ever wanted to stay in it in the first place.

I just can't get my head round that he doesn't
It's so hard accepting that this time is for good...I do know deep down he's not the person for me but it's like I'm addicted to the fantasy of the person I wish he was

It is an addiction
But you also really have to look at yourself and ask yourself why you allow yourself to be treated like this
Why can you not let go? Anyone with a strong sense of self would just go “ fu k this shit, I’m worth way more than this”

Why do you not feel like this?

What you are hanging onto is not real. But you know that already

I honestly wish I knew why 😔 I have never felt like I'm worthy

Well that’s what you’ve got to work on first and foremost

Without that you’re going to keep trying and failing to get him out of your life, which in turn makes you feel like a failure and unworthy.
Get yourself to some therapy ASAP to try and work through how you feel about yourself and try and change that mindset

I just feel like a huge hole is there...I wouldn't even know where to start with therapy and feel ridiculous for needing it.

He has sent me pics of himself and he's apparently getting a puppy...is this all just to make me feel more shit by showing he's moving on with his life

Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom but I can completely sympathise in the way you are feeling. I am separated and really worry i won't be able to ever move on. I also have a lot of regrets about the breakdown of our marriage and wish I'd realised at the time and made so much more effort. I don't know if he is involved with anyone else and to be honest I wouldn't want to know right now as it would completely break me. I'm sorry you're having a difficult time.

I'm not sure I have regrets to be honest as I know I did everything I could to try and make it work but I am sad and think I'll always feel like this I thought he was my soul mate

He's just asked what's made me start texting him? He's glad but suprised...I don't even know what to answer

Don’t answer.
And don’t be scared of therapy
It’s not for everyone but how do you know unless you try.
There is no shame in having the emotional intelligence to try and change how you feel about yourself so that you can have a better fulfilling life

OP, you may be addicted to the drama of a disfunctional relationship. Think about it - a 'soul mate' would not treat you like shit. I too think you will benefit from therapy.

OP I think Basil Brush would be a more appropriate soul mate. Please google 'trauma bonding'...see what you think. I think it could be what is going on here.

No judgment here because I've been in a similar situation. I got out. You feel like contacting him? Come on here instead. Seriously, before you waste more precious months and years of your life.

I have fallen right back into it 😓😓

Best of luck then OP.

You ask for help,ignore everybody and keep on. Sorry, I'm out.

I appreciate all your words of advice I really do.

Well that didn't last long did it . Have some self respect come on . Enjoy being treated like shit . Good luck

You’ll get there eventually
It’ll take years though
That’s the cold hard truth.
Currently you want/need this.
And that’s just life.