Is this acceptable behaviour from DH? Very confused

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Last year my DH met a woman 14 years younger than him (we have been married 23 years). They had secret dinners, he sent her gifts, flowers, he changed the code on his phone, etc., etc.. I suspect (though do not know) he stayed at hers on a few occasions. I found out and asked DH about her. She was a ‘good friend’. DH told me I was being jealous, that I had got it all wrong. He got very sulky with me at his life being inspected.

Fast forward a year and have just found the following on his phone: a two hour late-night Skype call followed by these texts (when I was away). Is this friend talk? Lover talk? Or just ‘flirty’ talk?

OW: Night sausage … x [sends photo, but image itself wasn’t shown, just placeholder]
DH: That’s a good name for it ;-). Sleep well lovely penguin
OW: xxxxxxxxxxxx for Tiger
DH: I love that picture; email it to me please. You’re sooooo gorgeous
OW: ok night Lovely x
DH: You too xxxxxxxxxx

These messages were a couple of months ago. I know he still sees her “for coffee”.

I cannot challenge him on the above messages as he will turn the conversation into an accusation of my checking up on him (which I can’t really deny). But after last year I have become suspicious and while I fight it, it’s very hard to not look.

DH is loving, caring and attentive to me. I would suspect nothing if I didn’t know. But the words above have seared me. Is it OK to call another woman “sooooo gorgeous”. Am I fretting over nothing?

I'd be out regardless of what he said. Sorry but I need to trust my partner.

Fuck that. He’s clearly having an affair. I wouldn’t give a toss about invading his privacy by looking at his phone. I would be telling him to get the fuck out of my life pronto.

It sounds like an affair.
You don't have to stay with him and you don't need cast iron proof. I'd be out.

You really need to ask?!

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I really hope you can find it in you to raise your bar.

Oh I know, but I am so sad about the whole thing. And feel pathetic not doing anything but I'm scared too.

Oh my goodness why have you turned in to a doormat? You stayed with him after your last discovery and he is clearly still at it? Get rid.

Tiger? Penguin? Good lord pass me the sick bucket. There goes my appetite for the afternoon. And more x’s than an escort convention. I think it’s way beyond good friends. Way, waaaay beyond good friends. Very cosy. Of course deleted pictures and vomit inducing lovey lovey messages aren’t proof. But if the trust bit the dust and he’s getting chummy with the younger model than it’s safe to say it’s over.

That being said I suppose you could have a chat. Say you find their relationship inappropriate and that unless he takes appropriate steps it’s over. Steps being counselling. Paying more attention to one another and actually making an effort.

You are absolutely not fretting over nothing! I would be furious and devastated if my DH was texting another woman in that way.

That looks like an affair to. Deffo more than mates. I am so sorry.

Why are you confused?
He's clearly having intimate relationships with other women. If now is not the right time for you to do something about it, then that's absolutely your decision, but unless you had a prearranged open relationship with your H then no what he's doing is not acceptable

I couldn't be with someone who sent nauseating messages like that to another woman, even if their relationship was technically platonic.

I just want to be wrong. He tells me I'm the most important person to him. Then he hides this stuff. I TRULY wouldn't know if I hadn't found out.

I have become so upset, trying to make excuses for this, I just wanted to see if people not involved would see it differently.

They had phone sex on Skype...and then saying goodnight.

HE IS CHEATING
Get tested for sti's and file for divorce.

You are important to him. He does love you - but he is also having an affair.

It's painfully obvious that he is having a relationship with this woman, I'm sorry OP

Yes, unfortunately I think you're right. He has repeatedly said "I'll never leave you" (but of course he wouldn't while he has it all).

But as he will not admit to it (he always turns this on me that I'm jealous whenever I've mentioned it) it's me who's doing all the 'moving on'.

He also denied visiting her 2 weeks ago because he forgot to turn his phone off before he reached her house (which is what he usually does).

He clearly can't give her up. So I guess I have to give him up. Makes me sick

Are you the poster that gave him the ok, to get to know her and was ok with some physical contact?

Nope, definitely not.

Tell him too bloody right you are cross, if you were talking and going out for meals with a man. Would he like it?

Of course he won't leave you. He gets to have the wife at home doing everything for him plus his bit on the side. It's all cushy for him isn't it?
Put your self respect first OP, you don't deserve to be treated like this!

Please dig deep and gather some self respect. You really, really should not ignore evidence as incriminating as that. Don't let him turn it around on you. You are not the one in the wrong here

OP - tell him that since your relationship has entered the stage where you take on secondary attachments - you will be having new male friends too...
Set up a dating profile, mention you have an open marriage....
Then proceed with drinks, dinners, flowers and gifts....

If H objects - tell him it’s not like that and he misunderstands the nature of your friendships...

Oh, OP, massive hugs ((((()))))) It's so so hard. Sometimes we never get them to confess fully, if at all - but I think you can see all the evidence is there. You deserve to be treasured and truly loved, not kept on the side and ridiculed. He is disgusting.