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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why did he block me? I fucking hate him

309 replies

HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 03:36

We were together 8 months. It was amazing. He is definitely the man I want to have a future with.

He broke up with me citing the reasons that he needed to focus on work and so took a job in another country.

I have 2 dc so obviously couldn’t move with him.

A month after he left, i WhatsApped him a message to say hi and that I missed him.

A few days later he called to apologise for not responding and to tell me he’d met someone.

I played it cool and said fine. We can still be friends right? He said ok. But then he blocked me. I know he’s blocked me because none of the messages I sent have gone through.

What the fuck is his problem?

OP posts:
Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 15:13

I think I put that badly. I’m not going to deliberately go out of my way to bump into him. We are from a small town and everyone knows everyone. We’re bound to be at the same party at least once over Xmas. That’s all I was saying.

OP posts:
HelenYellowTeeth · 23/11/2018 15:14

that could be awkward, will you go and talk to him and is SO?

ahouseofleaves · 23/11/2018 15:15

Imagine if you used all the head space you're giving him in a positive way to move on and focus on your children and future? Have some wine and perhaps a chat with a friend and then try move on.

Don't obsess like this. He's done, and he has told you as much.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 23/11/2018 15:16

You sound very needy OP and a bit deluded. He has moved on and won't be back, or if does, it will only be for a quickie. He's done you a favour in blocking you, otherwise you would have been following his every move on social media and keeping yourself invested in an imaginary relationship. Move on, for your sake and your kids.

BitchQueen90 · 23/11/2018 15:16

Well your update really shows that you have absolutely zero self respect.

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 15:16

I’d be completely nice to her. I’m not an idiot.

OP posts:
HelenYellowTeeth · 23/11/2018 15:16

every breath you take, every move you make

memaymamo · 23/11/2018 15:17

He's not into you. He wants a clean break. If he had any feelings for you, he would be with you! It's 100% possible to be loving and kind and sleep with someone while getting ready to jump into a new relationship, even days later. It does not mean he was still in love with you.

Please move on.. he's telling you loud and clear that he has moved on.

It's an absolute blessing that he's blocked you. Even though it hurts like being physically stabbed and punched, this is by far the best way to get on with your life. It would be so much worse if you had to witness his new relationship play out on social media.

Heartofglass21 · 23/11/2018 15:19

I reckon once this new relationship calms down and he comes back home, which he will for Xmas, he’ll start having doubts when he sees me again.

Seriously? Get some self-respect and don't go anywhere he is likely to be. You'll end up embarrassing yourself and feeling ten times worse than you do now.

Ztst · 23/11/2018 15:20

Op actions speak louder than words.

Please look at his actions. He’s moved overseas without you. No matter what job it was for, he would not have left if he wanted to be with you forever.

He came back to see his family and get a booty call from you. Only he dressed it up as love. Again look at the actions not the words - he came and had sex with you, left and blocked you.

It’s really not to do with the new GF at all. I doubt she asked him to block you - why would a new GF be reading all his private messages?

Don’t chase someone who doesn’t want you. His actions say he doesn’t want you.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 15:20

We’re bound to be at the same party at least once over Xmas. That’s all I was saying.

And you can better believe he will go out of his way to avoid being in any place where you will be because you sound a bit unhinged. He won't be back. He found someone else. He broke up with you. He blocked you. You need to give your head a wobble, get some self-respect and move on.

As for the sex, again, I've had mind-blowing sex with others, the ex I'm now friends with it one of those. But it's not something to build a lifelong relationship on and it was now like a billion years ago.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/11/2018 15:21

HE blocks you... so you hate HER?

Read back your posts OP. You're letting your obvious hurt run away with you.

I think he has done he right thing, (albeit it would have been better not to have sex with you the last time). You can take him at his word, he doesn't want to be friends with you. If you're honest with yourself, you'll know that deep down you would always have hankered after having him back (and he knows that), so he's taken that possibility of confusion away from you. A kinder thing to do, I think.

He's gone, moved on. You do the same. It hurts, that's what it does. But not for as long as you think it will. Flowers

Beaverhausen · 23/11/2018 15:27

Please dear God I hope he does not own a bunny.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/11/2018 15:28

Grin Beaverhausen

That was a fleeting thought whistling through my head.

Innocentconglomeration · 23/11/2018 15:28

Dear lord above.

Frightening level of obsession right there OP.

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 15:28

I know it’s irrational to hate her. It’s just that I honestly believed we were getting back together the last time we were intimate. It was such a massive shock when he rang to say he’d met someone else. I really wasn’t expecting it at all and it completely knocked the stuffing out of me. Then to be blocked was like a killer blow. I am grieving, I do see that. I just want it to stop hurting.

OP posts:
HelenYellowTeeth · 23/11/2018 15:30

I feel for you OP. It's difficult for you.

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 15:33

Thank you Helen. I am a bit embarrassed reading back my posts. I do sound crazy but I’m really not! I’m heartbroken and I just want it to stop hurting.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 23/11/2018 15:34

You will heal much quicker without contact OP.Brew

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 15:35

I’m trying to keep it together for my kids so they don’t get upset. Putting on a happy face and not crying in front of them is so hard. And of course they’re picking up on my sadness no matter how much I try not to show it. It really fucking sucks.

OP posts:
dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 15:35

Look, he is the one who blocked you. You can have good sex and not be lifelong relationship material. It happens. Who knows, maybe he doesn't even have another girlfriend, he was just trying to let you down gently or something. That happens, too. You're hurting, so make a hateful playlist and deep clean a room or something to it. Get a bottle of wine and a pizza and cry. Watch some tearjerker films or ones like 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back' or something. It was short-term relationship, not like you had kids or ties or marriage together. Should be the type of thing a good weekend on the tiles is enough to process it and move on. It's really not healthy to be hanging onto this fella. He's not into you. He doesn't want to be with you. You had good sex. Find some more! After I had the big split, I went on the pull. Found this hot, sexy guy, told him my story. He bought me a drink and smiled, 'The best way to get over a man is to get under another.' I thought, 'Hey, why not?' and had a great night.

iBAKEalot · 23/11/2018 15:37

Oh OP you sound desperate. Please don't wait around, hoping he will come back to you, move on with your life. Thankfully it was only 8 months and not longer, if he does come back at Xmas don't be his sloppy seconds. He has blocked you, have some self respect, love yourself enough to move on. You deserve better than this.

Orange6904 · 23/11/2018 15:39

I think people are being a bit harsh, it's obvious you're just hurt. It will get better op, try not to work it all out as you won't know what he was thinking. I'm like that, trying to figure out how someone can seem like such a different person in a short amount of time but it gets you nowhere and just causes anxiety.

Take time for yourself and do nice stuff for yourself. Easy for me to say but forget him, he won't be crying or wondering about you so he doesn't deserve all that energy. Focus it onto you and kids. You will be okay, I know it hurts because you're thinking he's just cut you off like that. You will be ok though, just takes a bit of time. x

Whitney168 · 23/11/2018 15:42

And you can better believe he will go out of his way to avoid being in any place where you will be

Or worse, he really isn't the nice guy you think he is OP, and he'll come back at Christmas, tell you he made a dreadful mistake just to get a shag, then do the same again. Bear that in mind!

beachysandy81 · 23/11/2018 15:42

Even though it seems cruel, a clean break is better. If he messaged you would be reading things into it and hoping he would have you back. Leave it and move on. If you can be happy with him, you can be happy again with someone else. Don't waste anymore time thinking about him.

I have been where you are many times and the best thing to do is concentrate on yourself and your family. He chose to leave, what else is there to say? Onwards and upwards.