Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@wishywashy6 you're right of course but she lives 60 miles away, my last successful dates always started with them being enthusiastic about meeting up but this one isn't, don't think I'll bother

Morning all. Hope those who have dates set up this weekend have fun!

Mr Disappearing and I are chatting every day on and off. Nothing set up for seeing each other again though I think we'll work out something for Sunday. I'm feeling quite chilled about it all. Mr Friday Night wanted to see me last night but I passed on it as I know he'll want a full on session and I wasn't in the mood.

how odd, thought I posted removaliser you are being way too hasty. I sometimes don't reply to messages for days. People are busy and chatting to other men and have kids, jobs, friends etc. and it's a busy time of year. Let it take its course. As wishy said, she didn't need to reply and she did. Just take it from there!

@DaffoDeffo oh ok thanks for that it's a Vicious circle with me, if I get too many rejections in a row my confidence gets shot to pieces which makes matters worse as you lot pick up on that, I'm joining a monastery 😔

you know the interesting thing is, if you read the thread, we all feel the same way, men and women. It's a soul destroying process so don't be too hard on yourself. It's very very very hard to play it cool. I probably shouldn't have message Mr Disappearing first thing this morning but I did.....it's awful second guessing yourself...

but I really wouldn't read too much into long times between messages, especially at first

@DaffoDeffo I hear what you're saying but you ladies always get the attention and options to choose, us guys struggle like crazy

It can be hard @removalizer but this is where it's important to build your confidence in other ways, away from dating.
Be happy with yourself, single or not. Don't validate yourself based on the opinion of strangers on the internet.
If you can work at that, you instantly become more attractive.
As daffo also rightly pointed out, she's well within her rights to be chatting with other men too. Don't take the "I can't be that important" road as that's so off-putting. I dated a guy like that once and it was like having a third child, no woman wants that in a potential partner.
Be strong, let them know you're interested but don't pressure them. If they're genuinely interested you'll get something back, if not then why would you want to waste your time chasing them?

Attention and options? We wish!

I have 85 guys messaging on Badoo. Have been chatting to one only really. Have about 3 potentials. Was blocked by a guy who had messaged me on Whatsapp.

OLD is in a state of flux nearly all the time.

Oh yeah and I got a message last night from my very first crush last night on WhatsApp. That was back in March we met so pretty random and wierd. He's got a GF now but sent me two pics of him.

@Azzizam Omg 85 guys and only messaging one how come ?

Don't validate yourself based on the opinion of strangers on the internet.

This a hundred times over.

@Bigbagofnerves Good luck, you've got nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain by asking him out.

@Beentryingtonamechangeforages I got ghosted twice by the same guy. I should have listened to my instinct and not let him rekindle it, though it was easier to handle the second time after I reaslied it was just part of his MO. He's completely blocked on everything now, as I wouldn't put it past him to try again.

Have my second date with MrAbs tomorrow night. Another sleep over . After being with my exh for 18 years and not very experienced before him, I always imagined that first time sex with someone would be awkward and a bit odd until you find your groove so to speak. It wasn't like that with MrAbs, (especially as it was only an hour after we first met), we just seemed to click like we'd done it a hundred times before together. Very odd, but amazing (!) I think we're both a bit smitten, so it's tough trying to play it cool

@wishywashy6 it's becoming an obsession which is not good, it's the at that time of the year, temperature drops which stops me sailing and playing golf as much so I get bored

@JeSuisPrest it's amazing when you click with someone like that isn't it? And hard to stay grounded!
Many have said on here before though (and I agree with them) that when you meet the right person and you click it suddenly becomes easy. No games, no second guessing, no should I/ shouldn't I text first or why hasn't he messaged me crap. It's just nice ☺️ fingers crossed you and Mr Abs head down that road 🤞🏼 if that's what you want of course!
Just enjoy it for what it is for now though, if it's going to happen it will happen ☺️

Morning. It's RunsForCake with a name change because I possibly got outed on another thread.

I have a date next week (hopefully). All seems too good so far that I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with him.

removalizer I've spent weeks on the apps with no matches, no messages, no interest at all. Women struggle as well. Especially once you get past 50.

@user1466783975 do you not get messages on OLD ?

@removalizer then do something that stops it becoming an obsession. You've already recognised what the issue is, which is great. Now it's down to you to do something about it.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I think that's a myth once you get past 50 that you struggle, it doesn't bother me one bit, at least no kids or grumpy teenagers to give you grief, send me a pic on what's app and I'll give you an opinion ?

@removalizer, it's the same for us women, we sit wondering if we should message first, if we message too often will it put him off because we look needy, should we play it cool and leave it for him to message. Deffo and washy have given good advice, take it as it comes and slow your roll.

Looking for opinions from the wise peeps on here. My Dcs are now older (15 and 12) and since oldest was about 13 I have felt that they have been able to be left for a few hours (no cooking etc and normally being kids they were still in the same position when i got back as when I left lol). It would be if i went shopping and they didn't want to go, had to do vet visits for the rescue etc. STBXH's nature of work means that he is away for 4-6 weeks at a time and then he has then for around 2 weeks straight, so at the moment my social life revolves around when he has kids. I don't have anyone to ask for babysitting but don't feel they need one anyway as eldest is quite sensible for her age.
Mr 4amGuy lives about 30 minutes away from me and if we did start dating, is it wrong to want to meet up with him for a few hours alone when the kids are at home? Is that wrong??

@wishywashy6 Thanks. There was me hoping to get out and play the field and have a bit of fun. I'm not sure that's going to happen now though and I couldn't be happier about it.

I was on the thread earlier in the year, hi everyone! Not that many from back then that I can see, hopefully that means everyone is coupled up lol. Or they've NC, like me, or given up.

JeSuis it all sounds great but you have to keep your head if you can, at least for now. I was in your position, first new partner for sex after decades with one man was bloody amazing, but it didn't last

@scotgal2017 Id love it if women messaged me first, never happens though, get Mr 4am it's all about having fun

@scotgal, I think that's fine. One of babysitters for my 12 and 9 year old is a 15 year old! Especially as they have your number and don't need to cook or anything. Have you spoken to them about it, are they responsible?

I think its definitely important to let the chats flow with people. Be interested in people and ask for a date but don't chase or put pressure on. Its quite off putting. People have busy lives. I work full time and have 2 kids and a social life so it can take me a while to respond sometimes. if someone is interested you can generally tell and the chat is mutual. One funny thing MrMusic and I did the other evening was to watch the same programme and chat about it. Gave us loads of new things to talk about :-).

I've pretty much stopped swiping and let all my chats die off on the apps. Mr Music, Mr Ex rearing his head and FWB is enough for me to be getting on with at the moment.

I've been off OLD for about 5weeks now,just trying to sort my head out before I get back on pof. I did get messages but now i'm 47 they are getting thin on the ground.
My problem lately is that i'm looking for red flags as soon as I meet someone. The last guy I dated,we got quite serious but he kept mentioning moving in with me as he had moved out the marital home and had started to rent up the road from me. He was also in a lot of debt. I have my son to think about and kept saying no. So that 5mnth relationship ended.

Some things he'd say to me made me think 'yikes,red flag?' like 'oh,you've coloured your hair again,it was much blonder in the summer' ( left me thinking,oh,ok) and ' you have great legs,you should should show them off more'.

It's probably just me and I need to chill,i know!

@JeSuisPrest, ive also slept with the guy im meeting, didnt know if only meeting for the second time meant it was too soon. Im also not that experienced, shagging the same person for years, and didnt really learn anything😂😳
He did ask for a sleepover last night, i did decline, i wasnt ready for round 2, the other shag took it right out of me, his tone changed, did say we can see eachother another time when free though. Not had a reply yet either, so shall see how it plays out. Hoping ive not annoyed him!