Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Tax returns are top of my list any day

Wounded 🙄

Gonna try really hard to not log on next month.
Not until mid January or something.
Got a bad feeling next year will just as few and far between dating wise.

People I need some advice! I’ve been chatting to a guy over whatsapp for a couple of weeks now, previously we were messaging via Instagram - have been friends on social media for well over a year and have never met in person but we both follow the same local club/hobby.

We’ve been flirting a lot and I’ve wanted to meet up with him for some time. A couple of weeks ago I bantered that we should go out to a certain bar and he said it sounded good. Last week I hinted about this bar again and he said it’d be good to do it after this weekend (the one just gone) because We both had a few busy days coming up. So it’s now past the weekend and I’m not sure if I should now be mentioning this date again and being the organiser? Part of me is feeling the desire to be chased and for him to be like “right, now that we are into the new week when are you free?” Ive made it really clear I’m interested and I feel if he now doesn’t follow up it means he isn’t interested.... thoughts?

(I’m partly jaded because my previous relationship I did all the chasing and things didn’t work out)

@Bigbagofnerves as a guy if I was interested the date will have already been made, he's friendzoned you, if you go to the same club or event filirt with him touch him whenever possible and if he still hasn't cottoned on grab his bum, if that doesn't work move on

@removalizer that’s what I was thinking too - if he was like “wow she’s interested!” he would have pinned me down for a date already... we haven’t actually met in person yet we just started following each other on social media because we both ‘followed’ the same hobby related club and have been liking each other’s posts etc. So I’m not sure I’ll ever get to meet him naturally as it were.

@Bigbagofnerves if you're friends on Facebook you can check out where he goes, then be there or do what an ex girlfriend did with me once, we got chatting and she asked if I was going out Fri night and which pub, just so happens she was there with her daughter, you need to be crafty

Hope you dont mind me joining in, im fairly new to dating and thought id share my experiences so far!

Downloaded Tinder on a lonely Saturday evening and swiped a few left and rights. Matched with a man who caught my eye and i was the type id go for! Got chatting, gave him my number, text everyday and a week later we met up.
First impression was he was abit of a dick, said other women he met, stopped texting him and went funny with him (Red flag here, can you see where its going to go!) By the end of the night i changed my opinion and wanted to see him again.
We met up a few more times, still texting everyday but when i was with him i just didnt get anything from him, i couldnt tell what he was thinking about me. Never got a compliment, never made a move and actually dont think he looked at me when i spoke I got ghosted in the end, i was expecting it as he'd clearly done it to other women and admitted it to me! Messages slowed down, so i knew it was coming. I felt like shite for two days, i really want to know why he done it, i guess i never will either. I did send a message a few days after calling him out and god it felt good! It was like closure, but im rid of the dick now!
I have met someone else now only met twice, but it feels different and im happy. My only problem is now im worried ill be ghosted again, its like im waiting it for it to happen all over again and not enjoying the time im having now, iyswim. Cant stop thinking about the worst case scenario! So annoying, sorry for my ramble

@Beentryingtonamechangeforages for god's sake get that out of your head, he will pick up on it, just relax you'll be fine

I know i need too, he really doesnt seem the type to do that. I just need to go with the flow, and not overthink. I shall stick around though and give an update when anything exciting happens

@Bigbagofnerves I'm a believer in going after what you want. If you really think you like this guy, I'd ask him one last time to pin him down to a date.
What have you got to lose? You've never met, your friendship is virtual so if he says no/ avoids the question then you've not really lost out on anything and you can move on to the next. At least you'll know one way or another 🤷🏼‍♀️

beentryingtonamechangeforyears I'm in the exact same boat, have date number 2 coming up Thursday night and all I keep thinking is he's gonna end up ghosting me etc. I'm very good at hiding that though and act all bubbly and confident with him lol.

I'm just so excited about the prospect of him and where it could go!

@wishywashy6 right I’ve decided to give it one more shot of planning something.... and if it falls on is arse I’ll leave it

@Apparentlyacatch, its an awful feeling. Its like its in the pit of my stomach all of the time! Trying just to not think about it really!
I hope it goes well on Thursday, i am hiding it well too. Id act like i didnt give a toss, but id be seething and want to have a little cry really🙈 Im sure it will go well for you, and he wont ghost you! Its so easy saying it someone else, i need to imagine it for myself!

All this negative thinking isn't good ladies, if you knew how many times I'd been ghosted it might make you feel better

Ghosting can always happen. If you read some articles online it happens to the pretty thinnest supermodel looking women as well.

If someone ghosts you, they are showing their colours early; it's about them not you.

It's all a part of finding the right person.

I'll join you on the 2nd date waiting bench apparently mines on Saturday, I'm nervous but excited

I’ve ‘liked’ quite a lot of people on Guardian SM but very few have responded

So did I. Got four who liked me back. Never heard from one and the other three were useless. Had a couple of guys message me. One was in
London so 200 miles and the other fucking weird. Had "strong opinions" according to his profile. Hmm.

Started chatting to someone tonight, seem like we have lots in common (although definitely not over investing). Looks like we have a date this weekend! He seems a bit more cautious than others I have chatted with but I think that is a good thing.

In other news someone has sent me three messages now asking if we can go on a date, I feel the fact that I did not respond to the first one speaks volumes. I don't respond if I am not interested and I accept when I send a message to someone and they don't respond that they are not interested in me and move on.

Well it's been 12 hours since i sent a message to property girl with no response so it look like Fri dinner is off, just chatting to Barbie on Bumble Im trying to avoid sounding like I'm holding an interview as she is bloody hard work, so it's banter time and I'm running out of lines

She says I'm so funny, not sure whether that's good or bad

I can understand why some guys never want to meet up, it's hard work entertaing onine to keep the interest going, at least we get a few minutes to conjure something up, in a meet up I would fail massively

@Bigbagofnerves awesome, fingers crossed for you! If not though, at least you can say you tried rather than wondering ☺️

@removalizer I don't think you should look at it as 'entertaining' women online, the whole point is getting to know people so just be yourself and interact with them the same you would anyone else. If that's not enough to keep them interested then move on.
I suppose this is where trying to get a date in early on filters out the time wasters from ones who are genuinely interested.
Nerves are normal and not a bad thing though

Property girl messaged this morning only just seen my message from yesterday morning, obviously I'm not on her mind then, not sure whether to progress ?

@removalizer I mean this in the nicest possible way but being needy isn't attractive She's replied, she didn't have to. Accept that she's busy with life and at this stage, no of course you're not a priority, you're just someone on the internet.
Don't look for reasons not to date someone, if she's still ok to meet for dinner then send her a message the day before confirming plans and go from there.