Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@user1466783975 well you won't get many messages if you ain't on the sites, I'm on Pof, tinder, Bumble and Badoo and hardly get anything

I would have thought him moving in after 5 months was pretty reasonable ?

@JeSuisPrest I'd say just do whatever feels right for you.
I totally went into OLD with the intention of just casually dating/ no commitment etc
Was chatting with a few, went on a few dates etc but once I began chatting with the guy I'm with now it changed. sounds so cheesy but it was only really him I looked forward to getting the messages from. I made myself chat with others for a while as I didn't want to over invest but once we'd met a few times I knew I didn't want to keep looking anywhere else and he made it clear he felt the same too so that's where we're at now
Stay sensible but enjoy it ☺️

haha,no way,i've been married twice and also lived with someone else who is the father of my 11yr old (who had asd). So my boy has had his dad leave and also a step father who left after having an affair. I have to put him first.
I think if no kids are involved,fire away and move in!
Going to rejoin pof later and have a nose,it's been quite dull over the last 5wks,need to get back out there

@removalizer moving in with someone after 5 months is way too soon 😳 especially when kids are involved.
I've been dating my BF for 4 months now, he hasn't (and won't) meet my kids for a long while yet. We're still exploring each other, getting to know each other. The honeymoon period of a relationship is great, but the real test is once that has passed and the relationship settles into real life.

@coolcahuna, thanks, i would just tell them i'm visiting a friend for coffee if I met for a date just now. They have seen me on POF and I was watching a video on Youtube one day with my DD when a message popped up from a guy on POF - they aren't stupid but nothing has been mentioned about mum getting back out there so she has some adult company! If it ever gets to that stage with a guy then i'll talk to them about it.

@Jesuispriest, I had that connection sexually with MrCheekybanter, it was amazing......I miss him sometimes......but he's not for me now with the right boundaries in place because I deserve the full package

@user, YES I'm exactly the same. Looking for red flags all the time! I've been badly effected by a really tough breakup about three years ago and I find it hard to trust people. Sometimes no bad thing as they need to earn it. But it can also mean you write people off too quickly.

cool (sorry,don't know how to highlight), it makes it so hard,doesn't it. friends see me as laid back,quite dizzy infact,breezing through life but when it comes to dating i'm on full red flag alert. I keep it hidden but i'm secretely looking for clues. you don't see your kids? why not.
are you ever going to move out of your mums home and rent a place of your own? why don't you like any vegetables? maybe it would be a good idea if you learnt to drive?

hmm,maybe being single is better after all lol

cool user I do that too (user just put a star before and after the name and it makes it bold)

the minute I hear someone doesn't see their kids, I immediately wonder what they've done wrong and even if they explain the context, I'm still on full alert for that. Same if they slag off their ex too much etc.

I am not back on the sites yet but getting seriously itchy fingers . I really want to get some new photos done first and just haven't had the time to get them done yet! Argh!

Just started speaking to a guy and he has asked if I want pics (his profile is that generic silhouette)......should I be worried he has used the word "sexy" in his username????? How do i approach it if he sends me one and he's not my type, just you look nice but not my type kid of wording???

user asking to move in after 5months!! Way too soon.
Completely agree with looking for red flags. I'm doing that now with the date I have lined up for next week. But I can't find any.

cool I have early teens at home. I leave them in the evening to go on dates, telling them I'm meeting friends. But I also tell my date that I can't stay late because of my kids. And I make sure the date isn't too far away.
If my date doesn't like this then it's his problem and we aren't going to be suited.

removalizer it definitely gets harder after 50. I've been on OLD since my late 40s and the drop in interest was very noticeable once I hit 50. I've seen profiles of men in their 50's who have a cut off age of 49.
I've set up a profile with 5 years taken off my age, exactly the same photos, and I've suddenly got interest from blokes who had ignored me before.

Here's another question ladies, how far would you travel to meet a guy you met on OLD ?

@scotgal2017
Sexy in his username probably means he's not 😂 but remember you owe him nothing. If you don't like his face you don't need to tell him, just either let it fizzle out naturally. Id he pushes it then something along the lines of 'you seem like a nice guy but not sure you're my type' and leave it at that. You're not obliged to massage his ego.
On the other hand If you're enjoying the chat and you're hoping it might lead somewhere then you're going to have to see his face at some point 🤷🏼‍♀️

That should read *or if he pushes it not Id he - cold fingers!

daffo I am trying the star thing, lets see if it works to highlight your name. Its so hard with the red flags. However, I'm sure I give off a few potential red flags myself. My marriage didn't end well and it was my fault. I'm also aware that I might be a bit of a commitment phobe myself as I haven't really had a serious relationship for 3 years now.

scotgal I'd say he's up to no good with his sexy name and no pic! I could be wrong!

scotgal why doesn't he have a profile picture? IME it's normally because they are married. And if he wants to send you a pic be prepared for a dick pic.

Right everyone... I've got a dilemma, remember I said about the guy I've been seeing not being forthcoming with asking to see me and his keeping in touch not being the same? Well today he appologised for not being 100%, said he's finding it really hard not seeing his children and is feeling really down and unmotivated about everything. Should I just come out with and ask him if he wants to put things on hold or knock it on the head or something. I really really like this one. I don't know what to do 😔

removalizer travelling distance for 'us ladies' depends on our location, children, other commitments, whether we have a car, what we're looking for. We're not all the same. There's no point travelling very far cos if it does turn into a relationship lol it's going to be a pain. Same for men I'd have thought

Pushreset talk to him, he's a human being

pushreset I would talk to him if you like him, it sounds like he's being pretty open with you

Hope everyone is doing ok! I'm still waiting for my second date - but things are going well, still not loads of text conversation, but I quite like saving things up to talk about.

Anyone avoid chatting to others when they won't have time to meet?

You're right, so right..... I've sent him a message saying I really don't want to but would it help if we put things on hold. He's in such a tricky place right now but I want to be there.

I mean either he wants to be with me and ride the storm or he will appreciate the opertunity to jump ship. Waiting for him to read the msg is agony 😔

Oh definitely give it a chance push those muddled ones can be gems but I particularly like becoming friends

Anyone with 69 in their username must be a sad person especially older guys.