Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Sonjing hahaha! They're terrible aren't they?
Bruised egos must be difficult to handle

@wishywashy6

I despise being called a "lady" :-)
I just un-matched someone on Bumble too for sending me a message saying "Good girl".. ugh!

@removalizer well that's certainly not the way you present yourself on here and I don't think I'm the only one to think it

@midcenturylegs same here!

I had things like "hello dearest xxxxx" too which irritated me
Like, feck off who are you my grandma?!

@removalizer 👇 👇
I do think you're missing the point of this thread. Your posts are making me feel really uncomfortable.

@removalizer You are the same age as me and I thought I had issues with OLD but honest to goodness you take the biscuit. Your attitude to women really isn't good and you are the sort of person I avoided. Plus, you are certainly not too old for some kind of therapy because on here you come over like you really do need some.

Leave well alone people who already have a boyfriend, it will only lead to disappointment for you as well as her and her other half. There are a huge amount of women who I'm sure would like to join you on your yacht but you need to change your attitude vastly before anyone of them is likely to take a step on to the gangplank.

Apologies, I rarely post on here but I had to have my say.

removalizer nearly every single poster is telling you the same thing. Women do not like to be generalised, we don't like to be chased by someone we aren't into, we don't fall at the feet of men because they have a yacht. You have demonstrated you show very little insight (as you keep repeating yourself) and you sound a bit like a sex pest if I am honest.

Maybe one day you will find you sailing buddy, but if you approach women on OLD like you do on here, you are going to find it very difficult to find the "lady" you so desperately want.

Listen i like male company, and I like sex. But I won't just be with anyone. Most women I know are like that, I don't know that many women who jump into bed with everyone they meet just because they have needs. There has to be some level of emotional connection and chemistry. Like I said before we are unique individuals (just like you) and you should really not over generalise.

You come acorss like a big headed know all who thinks he can click his fingers and women will fall at his feet. I also saw the youtube video, you might own a yacht but you are gonna need to raise your game in terms of communication.

Any explanation of how a woman thinks and feels which is addressed to removaliser and challenges him in any way will be regarded by him as 'giving him flak' and will be ignored. Even worse, he is taking the insights, advice and support that is available on this thread to use in his mission to find his next victim. He has no respect for women as individuals at all. They are walking vaginas who are useful galley slaves. He has told the thread who he is and that should not be ignored.

I think the usual advice to thread users in these circumstances is 'don't feed the troll'. And my advice to the troll is to feck the feck off.

Interesting article here on men who get abusive when women don't want to go on another date
www.google.ie/amp/s/amp.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/women-rejected-these-men-on-dating-apps-and-thats-when-the-abuse-started/news-story/1db7cff7e377c422989e3a83f36b3b70

Jesuis I'm glad your slowing things down. Who mentioned doing this first? It was all too much too soon and when men get that smitten early in it often runs out of steam. Staying over too soon is not the best idea either .

Why is anyone still engaging with removaliser he isn't asking any questions I would just ignore keep on scrolling.

Sadly there are people who are never single. My ex hasn't been single since he was 18, he's 36 now. Some people will only feel validated when they are in a relationship.

It's a sad thing but fairly common. Personally now I'd rather gnaw my own hand off that be in a boring relationship with a boring man!

Also i doubt anyone can find happiness with a cheater

Well i've had a productive morning, something possessed me to reply to Mr CheekyBanter's message he sent on Monday, pointing out that he's just basically proven my point (he basically said he missed a certain part of my body).....I said i didn't think he was looking for a relationship like he says, he was looking for a F*buddy. He replied saying he was looking for a relationship so i said his actions didn't match his words. He basically then sent a barrage saying he didn't deserve me dumping him the day after we made love and that he deserved better and not to contact him again. I pointed out he messaged me after a week, that it is suddenly described as making love today but any other time he's talked about it we've fucked, and most importantly is that it was actually a week after we had sex I ended it as it was 2 days after my grandad died. The finale from me was that i had had 20 years of being told my opinion didn;t count, I was always wrong and that it was nothing but BS that came out of my mouth so now I deserve better.

If nothing else it reiterated I have dodged a massive bullet!!!

Wow. The thread got a bit derailed there.

Sorry that you got all that abuse @scotgal2017. I’d just block him now. I think using the term ‘made love’ might have been blockable without any of the rest.

@Songjing I think the fact that you really cannot rely on someone taking rejection (however nicely done) decently might contribute to how much ghosting goes on. Because if saying ‘you’re not for me. Good luck’ earns you abuse, then you probably end up thinking that you may as well just block and move on and save yourself the abuse.

Thaks @TwiceMagic, it's quite sad that i should have to point out to a 45 year old man that although sex is an important part of a relationship, so is being able to talk about more than just sex when you are apart.......

Fair play Scotsgal he sounds utterly clueless

sonjing, you're not that hot made me properly laugh! I've had this. Someone was chasing me to rearrange a date he had cancelled and I couldn't be bothered so wasn't replying. Eventually after a few more texts I told him I wasn't interested, and he replied saying ' Thank god, I was dreading going on a date with you'. So funny. Its definitely why people block or ghost, its not worth the hassle. Although it can be great comedy value :-)

midcenturylegs I also find lady and good girl really annoying! Mr Music calls me good girl sometimes, makes my teeth itch. Ditto wishy with dearest, I think dearest is something scammers use! Its so not a common name to call people.

pudding21 couldn't agree more on needing emotional connection and chemistry. One night stands or things that are just about sex leave me entirely cold.

I've set a date up with MrEx, not 100% sure how I feel but in the main excited and I think I need to meet him to see if there is anything still there as I am in danger of rose tinted glasses if I don't. Feel calmer about him now we have a plan. MrMusic is still very chatty but hasn't set up another date so I'm slowing my responses down at the moment. I can't be bothered to keep chat up for that long if there are no dates planned in, I just can't see the point. I don't like his blokey banter either so I'm not really responding to that.

It's funny, when I was in my long marriage I really craved the day when I would be on my own and not in a relationship. I never once thought 'I want to be in a good/different relationship' just 'I want to be on my own'. I've been alone (well, with the occasional lover) for 3.5 years now and I love it. Is this more a female thing since it seems the XHs jump in again pretty damn quick?

My problem is that I’ve been on my own so long I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in a relationship! Things are still ticking along with Mr Red. I’m just trying to enjoy our time together and see where it leads but my mind keeps wandering thinking about if he feels the same, what’s the next step etc. As he’s been down the past two weeks he’s not talked about us at all really. We haven’t actually made or talked about any future plans either. Unknown territory for sure.

pushreset, glad to hear you guys are still chatting :-). Have you made any plans to meet up? Its so very hard! I've pushed a bit to meet up with MrEx as I think otherwise we would be chatting forever and I need to know if this has any legs so I'm not wasting my time and getting invested again.

I'm also used to not being in a relationship. Not been in a proper one for nearly 3 years. Not used to running things by someone and love doing my own thing but I also want someone special! I just know its going to take someone amazing to make me want to take the leap of faith.

@coolcahuna he dropped his plans and came round to see me both evenings this weekend. Was lovely he chose to spend time with me, keep thinking about what somebody’s said in that trust in what men actually do so that spoke volumes to me. Have been holding back myself about talking about deep stuff with everything else going on for him. I’m pretty happy just chilling with him, don’t need to be wined and dined but I do like to know when I’m going to see him next not just leaving it hanging!

Hope Mr Ex shows you what his intentions are, you don’t need a penpal. If he keeps brushing off meeting maybe focus your attention on somebody who do wants to actually meet up. If only there was some sort of relationship timeline check off list to look at 😂

Scotsgal well done for telling him straight. Although he sounds like someone who won't understand what he did wrong.

Songjing sorry that happened to you. But it's quite common. Lucky escape and all that, if he can't handle being politely told no, thanks.

If someone asks me what I'm looking for then I very clear that I don't want a new husband. I like having the freedom to do my own thing and not have to explain myself to someone else. But I also want someone to share experiences with - dinner, cinema, holidays etc. Doesn't mean we have to be together 24/7.

There's a man on POF, late 50s, who always sends me a message that starts with "Hello, you look like a pretty girl" Makes me cringe everytime.

Oh songjing that was always my experience too Would be far better if they could just say 'Good luck!' and then not message again, without becoming abusive/stalkery

You've dodged a bullet with him though. I think they're the type of man who thinks women should just do what they want. I had a long marriage to a man like that so it's not something I tolerate!

MyOldBrain that rings such a bell for me - I'm clear now that what I want from a man is someone to share dinner, sex and holidays with (I really like going to the cinema on my own as it happens). Laughter, affection and chat as well of course. But I think those things in combination aren't a relationship as such, a term I think I just associate with negatives now

pushreset, that sounds really positive! I'm like you, I can chill out when I know when the next plan is, hate being left hanging.

Yep, Mr Ex and I have planned the date in and the chat is steady and mutual so I'm fine with this at the moment. Do need to take it slowly after what happened last time so this feels ok..at the moment.

MrMusic has told his mum about me which is odd when he hasn't arranged another date!

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I'm with you on the not wanting another husband. (Not that I've ever been married though haha). I've 6 months ago gotten out of a 5 yr relationship with someone with ASD and it really impacted my relationship with my 11yr old DD. I'm not moving her into another man's house or having anyone live in my own home again.

@coolcahuna he told his Mum about you but hasn't arranged another date? That is a bit odd. Maybe he's just already decided that you're his gf and doesn't feel the need to organise dates etc, has just decided it's all settled?

@songjing I've not had that happen to me from OLD but then again I've only been on 3 dates, but that's not very nice. You def dodged a bullet there.