Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Whoknows11 think our posts crossed! I assume the reason was because you wanted to be exclusive?

Whoknows did you end it because he wanted to be exclusive so soon? Don't feel bad. If it wasn't working for you then it was best to call it a day rather than drag it out.

unique If it's not immediately obvious then I wouldn't say anything until you've had a few dates. No point in putting yourself through that if you're only going to see them once.

Sighhh sounds good!

Sorry xpost Whoknows
6 weeks isn't very long though. Although it depends how often you've seen each other

Another that thinks 6 weeks isn't long.
A few months and I'd expect exclusive.

And if I can help it I tend to avoid telling people for months.
But it's not as easy now.
Hense mainly single.

So we'd been chatting since beginning September and seeing eachother and sleeping together for the last 6 weeks.

It hurt seeing he'd set up a new bumble profile as he'd lost the login to his old one and I saw he was online on pof! The thought he was sleeping with me but still looking for something better didn't sit right with me.

So I said I didn't think we were after the same things and he said he wasn't ready to be exclusive.

So there we go!

who knows I'm with you. If he is setting up new profiles after 6 weeks sleeping with you, then he is obviously keeping his options open.

You don't have to be part of a harem for three months till he picks the one he wants to try something exclusive with.

Onwards and upwards!!

Oh yeh I'd almost want an exclusive chat before sleeping with someone.

Whoknows Oh ok! In that case, I would probably be asking why he was setting up new profiles.
How did you know he had a new bumble profile and was online on pof?
I hate that feeling that you're good enough to have sex with but not quite good enough that they feel the need to look at what else is on offer.

He said he was drunk and was chatting to his mates and he set up a new profile on bumble! I came across him on it about 10 mins after he asked to come over one evening! So obviously he didn't come over as I said I felt confused.

Then saw him online on pof in the day when he was too busy in work to message me!!

I know it's for the best and I'll feel ok in a few days but that rejection does hurt.

Of course it hurts, but at least you have the self respect for yourself to want better. You could have hung in there and competed for him with other women he was potentially trying to sleep with.

You deserve better and you know it xx

That's horrible whoknows. I had exactly that a few years ago,having lots of dates and sleeping together ,then finding him on pof. I dumped him but he had no idea what he had done wrong,he just couldn't see it.

He has been single ever since. And never settled in a job or place to live (sofa surfing a lot). I always ask potential dates their living arrangements now,as think it's relevant

@unique1986 I speak to a man on OLD who has a health issue that people run a mile from. But he decided to put it out there on his profile so that he knew anybody he was talking to or arranged to meet was already aware.

He didn't feel it was fair to get into dating somebody, let them get to know each other and maybe want to take things forward, then drop this issue on them.

@WaitingforMrHardy yes I always call them out on their behaviour too and where possible report them to site admin

Yes luckily I have my self respect.

Got to look at the positives.....the sex was good and just what I needed after 2 years of no sex!

I already have a new date lined up for tomorrow so feeling not too sorry for myself.

Personally, I really would not be happy to be sleeping with someone without exclusivity. Especially not sleeping with them for 6 weeks. I wouldn’t be happy waiting 6 months for exclusivity either. I couldn’t imagine that at all. In fact, I think I’m at the exact opposite end of the spectrum from ‘casual’ multi-person dating. It just isn’t for me. Luckily I managed to meet someone on the same page as me.

I guess everyone is just different, and that’s what makes dating so tricky. You’ve got to find someone you like, fancy and have the same ideas about what you want out of it.

Hypothetically if you had a minor health issue if the cosmetic sense.
Be it a scar, skin issue, ache, rash, scalp. Or anything else how soon into dating someone would you tell them?

I have an autoimmune arthritis condition, but it’s really well controlled with exercise at the moment. I told my BF a couple of dates in, I think, but not in a ‘big confession’ kind of way. More in explaining that I do a lot of the exercise I do to control it and reduce pain/inflammation. It wasn’t a big deal.

When I really like someone, I don't want to be shagging anyone else.

If a guy was shagging around while dating me, I'd be gone too. The idea of sharing a guy with multiple partners is just urgh. I'd happily scratch my own itch before I accepted that

He said he wasn't chatting to or dating anyone else - but seemed strange he was active on all the dating sites!

Hence I've done a home sti test!

Hope to get the results soon and hoping I don't have to give him or me
any bad news!

Hopefully not!

At least you only wasted 6 weeks with him.

Hi guys it felt like a sincere conversation but I think I’ll wait and see how the next few weeks pan out before I tell people irl

I hope it was sincere. Because obviously he should have realised how amazing you are.

Yes 6 weeks isn't too bad as time wasting goes!

who knows sorry to hear that - lucky escape though!

Like most of you I have stuck in out in relationships 9yrs and 4yrs to have men cheat or look elsewhere.
EXH - ended up with a school mum, so living the same life but with stepkids and A gf who is suspicious because he cheated on me with her.

EXBF - trying to chat up younger women, but tight as fuck to pay for dates and can't get an errection

At least the sex was great for you

I don't know where I stand on exclusivity before sex - mostly because I fell for my EX before sex and then it was (really!) Awful then non existent the last 2 1/2 years.

I think I would need to try before I buy

I was kinda hoping for a different answer but if he wants to be greedy then he probably won't get very far! I can't imagine many women especially the ones worth something would be happy with such a casual arrangement!

Maybe he'll come crawling back at some stage when he realises what a good catch I am 😂

Anyway I have a first date tomorrow to focus on so let's hope that goes well!