Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

isn't it interesting about the bumble thing - yes that was my feeling too twice and cool. Like life isn't hard enough, now i have 24 hours to message or else!

I have had to turn off tinder as it was just going mental - I've hidden my profile so I don't appear for a bit while I plough through what's on there - one thing I thought was good on Tinder is that I didn't have to define an upper age limit. It's basically 50+ which is quite nice in a way (though I bet it means a lot of people are 49!).

Mr Disappearing sent me a message today telling me that he doesn't want to see anyone else. I am now hugely conflicted as obviously I've been on tinder for 24 hours and haven't spelt that out to him. We've set up 3 dates for the next 2 weeks and I guess I will wait and see if they actually bloody happen or not before I make a decision about tindering or not tindering. In the meantime, will keep my profile hidden. I'm also not ignoring the fact that he's only behaved like this after I basically threw my toys out the pram and I don't want something where it's a reaction to that (have had drama filled relationships, they are not for me!).

I remember that well pudding - and I'm really happy to hear you've found something like that that meets your needs :)

I think that Mr Disappearing needs to realise that he needs to make the effort to see you. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to see other people; he’s not prioritising seeing you and that’s not OK.

Yes I agree twice. The proof will be in the pudding.

Just got a message from someone on Hinge who recognises and is work colleagues and friends with my 2 Male
Besties (I go to a lot of gigs with them and we are close). Whoops! Embarrassing.
So we're going to meet for a photo opportunity. I like that kind of date! 😂😂

I should add the obvious that there's a photo of us 3 at Sonar this year on there :-)

Yip, OLD is like waiting for a bus!!!

• can't bring myself to message Mr Army (name for 37 year old in earlier post today) about not feeling it. I've left his message from this afternoon on kik unread. ...I will message him maybe tomorrow morning but I do have my grandads funeral tomorrow so maybe day after.

• I left my phone on charge in kitchen this evening and ignored it. Just got it and Mr 4amguy has messaged (hurrah)....but Mr cheeky banter has also messaged to say he misses a herm certain parts of me.

I had been thinking about Mr cheeky banter tonight, whether it could be a FWB arrangement as the chemistry we have sexually is amazing. ...but now mr 4amguy is getting very flirty. ...
Thanks for the impeccable timing as always universe!!

So this weekend was an absolute downer. I was ghosted by Mr Music on Sunday, the day of our date!

My friend had also tried to set me up with her 'handyman' as she thought we'd be well suited. She sounded him out first then last Thursday gave him my number and gave me his number.

Saturday morning I sent him a nice icebreaker text. No response so far!

What do I have to do!

So I'm now on Badoo, finding it difficult to use. Does anyone know if you can filter by distance?
Everybody who is messaging me, liking etc all seem to be miles away

I'm trying to distract myself from MrPB we had the "let's cool it until you're ready to meet" conversation last week but it's slowly built back up, we're back to him flirting and me trying not to flirt back. He's told me a bit more about what's going on in his life but I still don't understand how any of it stops him meeting me for a drink.

I've signed up for Tinder, had a few matches and been talking to someone completely unsuitable but might be worth a date.

oh indie how awful. So cowardly. All they have to do is say no I don't want to meet!

@DaffoDeffo the worst is the 'handyman' has met me. He popped into my friends a few weeks back when I was there, he had a coffee joined in general chat for 20 mins then left. So he knew who's number he'd agreed to have,

My friend says he's shy and I should call him. I think if he had manners he'd respond.

I think Mr Music meant to do this to me all along though .

So fed up.

yes that's not nice (Mr Music). In a way, I can understand people leaving conversations without saying no thanks or goodbye but actually not turning up at all isn't fair.

I agree with you - if he had manners, he would respond (Mr Handyman). Even if you're shy, sending a text is not that hard.

I don't know how badoo works sorry.

@IndieTara so when you had that 20 minutes chat with him was there any attraction and did he give any indication he was attracted to you ?

@removalizer it was a brief general chat with 2 other people involved!
I had no idea at that point if he was even single.
And honestly I don't go through life sizing up all men Imeet to see if they are potential date material.

Indie Strange to accept your number and then not reply, he's one for the back burner.

@likeridingabike no he's already in the rubbish pile!

IndiaTara sorry to hear you've had such rubbish experiences recently.
From my limited experience of Badoo, I don't think you can set any distance limits. That's why I didn't like it.

I don't know what to do about my date yesterday. On paper he ticks all the boxes. Good looking, similar age, similar interests. We spent 4 hours chatting so there must be something there.
But I feel like something is missing. We're meeting again next week but I can't say I'm excited about seeing him again. I think we'll have an enjoyable evening together but.....

@IndieTara I used badoo a lot and you can definitely set filters for distance, I'm no longer on it so can't remember exactly how to do it but it's definitely somewhere in the settings!

Hi everyone. Hope it’s ok if I join in?

I was on and off the threads before under different names a while ago.

I have been single for over 10 years but I have only really been in a position to date for the past 3.

I have had the usual experiences of ghosting, love bombing and men generally turning weird.

I never seem to be able to stick at OLD very long. My tolerance for the tediousness of it all is low.

I thought maybe getting out in real life was the answer. But I have found the men in real life to be exactly the same as the OLD ones! Even down to the ghosting, being stood up and just wanting sex.

I recently went back on the apps and was chatting to a lovely guy who turned out to be a submissive, wanted me to keep him in a cage and peg him regularly! A wasted week chatting to his lovely persona before that came out.

I never seem to find anyone attractive anyway but there must be someone out there for me?

I

@indietara it’s not you it’s them. There seem to be a number of men like Mr Music out there that just want to know that they can still say all the right things to get a woman to agree to a date. I don’t know if it’s an ego boost or if they genuinely don’t think that they can cut it in real life so flake and run. But we all come across them so don’t take it to heart. Next!

Hi @Mulie yes I know it's happened loads of times to me in the last couple of yrs. it's never a good feeling though that somebody just wants to set out on some power trip to purposely humiliate you.

Each time I get back up, dust off and re-set

Like you I can't tolerate OLD for too long though and have to leave for a few months before getting the strength back to do it all again

@mulie "wanted me to keep him in a cage and peg him occasionally". Actually made me laugh out loud.......

Not even slightly surprised by this, be thankful it was just a week of your life wasted. I got to date six with someone who finally confessed something similar to me and I realised then we weren't going to be a long term thing.

Dating feels like a numbers game to me..... Just have to keep going on as many dates as possible. You will have to come across someone half decent eventually, right?

So Mr Ego has not left me alone since Sunday four phone calls yday and wants to come see me tonight...I know it’s just for sex though but app he really cares about me and if I decide to start seeing other people then me and him are over. Even though he told me he doesn’t want to be serious mind f* or what

@IndieTara I know it’s horrible and it leaves you that little bit more cynical and world weary every time. When it happens to me I try not to see it as them going all out to humiliate me. They can’t even consider that I’m a real person to do that surely? It’s all about them. I find it easier to deal with it that way. I hope you find someone that is worth your time to take your mind off this one.