Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

eesha it just takes time I think. Be kind to yourself. It is a horrendous process OLD and mind stuff with exes never helps either x

good luck with the date myoldbrain and pleased to hear user and giggle had good dates!

Good luck myoldbrain 😊

Scotgal agree a short explanation is all that's needed. It's harsh to block immediately after you've sent it as he has no right of reply - and until someone shows mean behaviour, they deserve to be treated humanely ie let them respond and not be ghosted. This is why I don't move off the dating app until a few days in. It's OK to unmatch on the app (ie Tinder in my case) but much harsher to block a number. At least that's the way I look at it

How was the rest of the date @giggleshizz? I love an exciting loo update. 😁

I found tinder better than the others @DaffoDeffo. I think I liked the lack of long profiles of more or less pointless info. It’s amazing how many red flags some men can fit in to 2 sentences though. My BF actually had nothing written in his (which I know other people hate) but it didn’t bother me. More to find out in messages (and it turned out we had ridiculous amounts in common).

I have no idea why anyone tries to do tinder with no photos though. The photos are the main functionality. It does make you feel a bit shallow, but you can tell a lot from the photos people choose.

Good luck @ MyOldBrainStoppedWorking. I hope it goes well.

Also, on being ‘wined and dined’ 🤮. It’s about choosing a date that you can both be comfortable on, not impressing me. I want to judge whether I like someone’s personality; that’s what’ll impress me. My first date with my BF was in a pub on a Sunday night. That worked for us. We went out for dinner for the next one.

Lumen sounds dreadful. It’s like they’ve decided that over 50s are old so they need basic technology. Like those doro phones for the elderly. I guess it was made by early 20s tech types who are yet to realise that 50 really isn’t old.

Thanks for the advice, I'll send him tactful message this evening and only block if he gets arsey.

Still nothing from Mr 4amguy and nothing else doing, OLD really is like waiting for a bus lol

Further update is that I stayed the night and the frisson between us was just the way we had experienced in texts. Genuinely amazing evening and we both want to see each other again (and sadly mr spoon has to be cancelled).

I am now at work and have suggested a further date and not heard back yet. Ridiculous how insecurities creep in.

At the moment though I have a big smile on my face and feeling good about this :)

Morning everyone.

Yes I'm in the chilled out dates group, I don't need fancy dates. I like a guy to plan things and want to spend time with me. Flashing the cash is not required.

scotgal, just a quick message saying you don't think you are suited but wish you all the best I think is fine.Treat people with respect is what I try and to do and be honest.

myoldbrain - exciting and good luck, keep us posted :-).

daffo, Mr Disappearing is all over the place isn't he! I think FWB only works well if you are both clear on what it is. Talking about future possibilities of a relationship I think might just totally mess with your head. MrEx is being flirty, if he thinks I'm having a casual thing, then he is mistaken!

I'm also with you on the proper vetting! Chemistry means nothing if some of the basics aren't in place. I really want to date someone local if I'm honest, the whole long distance thing is hard work when you have kids and jobs. I'd like to be able to see someone after work for a quick drink, pop in to see them after work. Not be planning for every other weekend.

I chatted to someone last night who I've matched with several times before on Tinder. He's really lovely and we had a great chat. He's away for a while after Christmas which is a shame but one for the backburner maybe.

I said to MrMusic it was a shame we didn't get more time together and he's suggested we have another night out so won't write it off just yet. I find early dating so very hard!

giggle - amazing and you were so right to swop the dates around!

Yes I find early dating hard too cool and Mr Disappearing has been all over the place since I've known him. He messages me every day argh and we do know each other quite well. FWB I don't think ever works when you have proper feelings for them and given we both have feelings for each other, I am not sure how it will work at all . The only thing is that he's so shit at setting up times to see me, it makes it far easier. He wants to do a weekend away which is probably the best thing - he can book it which means he will turn up because he's paid for it (we've done it once before) but the problem is both of us are so busy, I can't see it happening for a month or so which is no bad thing. Will just keep monitoring it - he is enormous fun.

scot it is like buses, nothing and then they will all come at once!

Yes I like the simplicity of Tinder and I'll be honest, I had got bored of having to message first on Bumble. Don't think I'll ever reactivate that profile.

the two blokes who out of interest I matched with with no photos (but quite a nice 2 sentences) were both married (which I politely declined). At least they were honest I suppose

yes the lack of words doesn't bother me either twice - though some have written a lot (I only wrote one sentence!)

daffo, I'm not fussed about Bumble either, I much prefer the guy to take the lead if I'm honest! And I always missed the 24 hour window of opportunity. I think FWB is a minefield and can only work for a short time before someone gets over-invested. Mine only works because I see him around every 3 weeks, we don't message every day and he is genuinely a friend now and I know a relationship wouldn't work as we've already tried. Sigh.

Just matched with a Firefighter! I'm so immature that I find that sexy in itself :-)

I bet you don’t have elephant knees! Trousers/nice jeans and a good top would be great, I’d say.

@giggleshizz That is exciting. Early dating is tough. I’m just not patient enough for it. 😆

I hated messaging first on bumble and the time pressure it imposed too. I thought the whole ‘better for women’ marketing of it was nonsense really; it seemed to be better for men as all the work fell to women. There’s enough of that in life generally without a relationship beginning with it!

I only block now after a couple of men couldn't take no for an answer, and kept calling, bordering on harrassment If you get a 'thanks, and good luck to you too' message back then no need to block.

I woke today feeling abit meh about the date last night. He chatted so much and I now know so much about him. Great. But he only asked one or two questions about me during the hour and a half. When he stopped for breath I made convo but it kind of just edged back to him. I think I got swept away with his handsomness. sooo,i'm going to try this new way everyone talks about and get a few irons going. Will hopefully see mr rugby Saturday though and hopefully he will be more attentive!
Christ,i'm wondering now if he's selfish?? Is that why never married?! hmm. right,new irons.....!

As for technology,i'm still the nokia woman! No idea why,just never got round. So can't swipe,just pof for me. It's amazing how many men I meet aren't shocked by it,they're just like 'oh cool'. I can't even send a pic!

shitwith could you wear a dress with boots, if you don't feel confident about your legs? Nothing wrong with black jeans and a nice top, if you'd prefer.

Nokia is the way forward to stop the dick pics! user, he might have been really nervous hence the talking loads? Second date might be way more chilled

I've gone right off the idea of Lumen I am the type of person who gets irrationally annoyed about articles suggesting what 'over 40s' or 'over 50s' should wear as my belief is I should wear what the fuck I like!! So 'over 50s' dating is not for me. I used to havr two FWBs - it can work as long as you get your head round it not going anywhere romantically, and if you actually are friends.

Thanks cool. sometimes I think i'm missing out,but yep,no morning wake ups for me with some dick pic.

He def wasn't nervous. seemed to be in his element! will see what sat brings.

I've never had the 'pleasure' of a dick pic! I've been very picky over who I've replied to on OLD though to be fair and the few I have I've gone on dates with. Never used Tinder though...!

That's a blessing, user!

I had a whole body 'artistic nude' pic sent to me once Very off putting!

My coffee date turned into a 'let's stay for lunch date' with a mutual agreement to have date 2 early next week.
We obviously had a good connection, enough to keep me there for 4hrs when I usually ready to run after 20mins max. But physically he wasn't the type I would usually go for. So he's not passing the 'does he give me the fanny gallops' test - yet! I remain cautious but more optimistic than I have felt all year.

Hey daters, first time I have read the thread in a while, seems like lots of acitvity at the moment!

daffo well done on having the chat, I don't know if you remember but I was seeing a FWB for a while last year, was quite intense, clearly like each other a lot, but neither of us was ready to commit to a relationship as such. Anyway, we had 6 months where we didn't see each other and we have grown closer again and I guess we are in a relationship now, although neither of us seems to want to define it. My advice, continue to do what you are doing on tinder, you will either distance yourself from him naturally or you will come closer together again. I would tell him as he isn't ready to give you what you want you will actively date others. Be honest.

removalizer sounds like you have plenty of options and don't have trouble meeting your "lady fiends". One observation form the way you type and speak is that not all women are the same. You generalise a lot and that would irritate the hell out of me on OLD. I am a unique individual just like you who has likes and dislikes. Not all people you meet will be suited to your needs. Please don't generalise "us ladies" and take the time to get to know people. Maybe thats where your issue is, you need to invest time to get to know who someone really is, not just assume we all like the same thing. I like eating out, I am also just as happy with a cooked meal and netflix (obvs not on first dates but later on). I have a totally open mind about people I meet. My friends are an ecclectic mix and the guy I am currently seeing is not someone most people would put me with. But above all what I value is a man who respects me, is kind, is not needy or clingy and is gracious. And finally, use a full stop at the end of your sentences, I find it a bit passive aggessive not to use them but I am probably bat shit. Your tone would put me off if I was messaging with you on OLD. Sorry if that seems harsh, just trying to help :)