Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

*@removalizer *
no course not, why do prefer a half a mild down the pub and a bag of chips for afters ?

Pint of Stella and a packet of dry roasted for me but yeah, I'd take that over someone trying to sweep me off my feet any day.

@wishywashy6 so expensive meals not doing it for you then ?

removalizer Can I ask what's the average age of the women you date?

@likeridingabike between 40-65

@removalizer my first date with my now BF was in a relatively expensive restaurant but I'd have been just as happy down the pub with him, it was his company that made the date good, not the fact he 'wined and dined' me. It never felt like he was trying to do that.
We share a love of food so we do eat out quite a lot (but I'd do that with or without him!) but I think our favourite date nights are cosy nights in with pizza in pj's & a film 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've had boring dates in expensive restaurants because the company hasn't been great and I've had fun dates with a McDonald's drive through to finish.

Maybe at the 60+ end they might (and happy to be corrected) be a bit more into that approach but I guarantee a woman in her 40s and 50s is looking for a man to treat her with respect but won't be impressed by being taken out for fancy dinners early on, flowers etc. she wants you to make conversation, mean what you say, follow through with what you say and spend time with her.

giggle yay. I've just had date 2 with Mr Music. Bit of an odd one as we went to see a film and he left straight after, no mention of going for a drink or anything after. And now he's chatting away on WhatsApp as usual. Maybe a slow burn..He's a gent in person. Bit crude on text.

I'm not gonna lie, Mr ex is 100% in my head. Aaargh. I had started to really move on.

@removalizer
I'd agree with @likeridingabike on this

I think it's also more the intentions behind the actions that are important.
I don't want to feel like a guy is showering me with gifts/ fancy meals etc because he wants or expects something back from me.
I'd rather do something simple and get to know the real him.

But definitely too much too soon feels forced and fake and I hate that

So many guys tried lines like 'I want to treat you right and look after you' 🤢 while we were messaging and I was instantly put off by that.
I treat myself right and look after myself, not looking for anyone to take that role thanks

Date went well. I was so nervous and was quite shy( because I actually fancied him. so much better than his pics). He was a chatter so that helped. Never married and no kids so not sure if that's good or bad but he has txt for a second date sat lunchtime next week. would prefer an eve date as more likely to get a snog!

@shitwithsugaron sorry?

Argh, even my friendzone buddy has broken plans to go on a date! We had agreed we could cancel if a better offer came up but still I was looking forward to getting out and about. Should have seen this coming. I cried a bit so now I'm done with OLD for a while, I'm just quite broken by my ex and just not thick skinned enough to deal with it right now. Will still continue to see how others are doing, good luck!! xx

removaliser everyone is different and I for one like to be wined and dined, flattered etc etc - I don't believe the flattery and I don't need to be paid for, but if that is what the guy wants to do, fine. In every other respect I agree with pp - warmth, honesty, being heard are vital. And they HAVE to make me laugh - with them and not at them of course!

Eesha that is horrible, I'm so sorry you were disappointed . This tough hide takes some growing! There's nothing wrong in stepping back and gathering your strength for a renewed attempt at some point in the future, if needs be.

@MovemberBlues thank you, I just feel like I'm still permanently walking on eggshells in my head in case I get screamed at, this feeling doesn't seem to go, then trying to be perky and chirpy whilst swiping. It just doesn't work anymore. I'm just setting myself up to be crushed.

Well then you're doing the right thing Eesha. I don't know how long it's been for you but it took me 2.5 years from when I was last screamed at by XH to getting on the OLD horse, and I made some extremely poor decisions to begin with and fell off several times.

Morning everyone!

@giggle and @user fantastic news your dates went well.

@We shall that a shame, I think I'm close to giving OLD a break too, it's draining mentally.

I have a dilemma.....I matched with a guy on Tinder last night but he did not have any details on his profile but did have photos. He asked room move to Kik which we did. His profile says he is 37 but (and I'm trying of how to put this without sounding bitchy) the way he talks isn't great, problems with grammar and sentence structure (I'm a stickler for this!). He says he's in the army and that his mum helped him get the job I briefly spoke.to him thus morning but really don't want to continue speaking to him as he's not for me....I'm not usually one to ghost but I'm not sure how to go about telling him I'm not interested

Eesha I'm sorry you feel that way. It takes time to get over a bad relationship - time out for yourself is an excellent plan.

I never did dinner as a 'first' online date - strictly a coffee/tea in a cafe. I divorced an alcoholic so I am super vigilant about people who like to get pissed every time they go out - I need to check their attitude to alcohol before going on a date somewhere that sells it ...

Scotgal can you send a message saying something like 'it was good to speak to you, but I don't think we're suited. Good luck!' And then block him ....

eesha a breather sounds good, you sound like an amazing lady and mother. Be your own cheerleader first and then you'll attract an amazing man to share your life with.

Eesha take a break from OLD. You have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. Look after yourself first.

scotgirl I had something similar recently. So I just sent a message saying that I didn't think it was going work and wished him good luck on finding the right person.
I don't see the need to block someone unless they are being offensive.

Date for me later today! I'm nervous because this is the first date in a long time that I'm actually looking forward to meeting.

my good lord Tinder is quite something else. I am now wondering why I didn't try it before! There are so many men and I have matched with loads

OF BLOODY COURSE Mr Disappearing was totally motivated by my message and called me Sunday night and we spoke for hours. I laid it on the line, as did he. We both want each other for sex, we both like each other for more than that but he is not in the place for a relationship. I'd like to think I could just have sex with him, I'm not sure I could without the feelings. He still talks about the future and us being together. It's actually quite disconcerting but it's easier to be distracted when I'm talking to other men.

I haven't told him I'm on tinder, I want to wait till we meet up next because for all I know it might never happen given the history.

So onwards and upwards.

matched with a really lovely bloke, I'll call him Mr Comedy on tinder. We had a brief chat which was really lovely and engaging but then we both went out. He wanted to talk to me late last night but only messaged me after 11pm so I didn't engage. Hopefully he will come back today. A few others want to meet but I'm going to take my time this time as I want to vet them properly this time before I meet (even though I'm of the meet quickly school!).