Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Good luck to all those with dates tonight/tomorrow.

I always put carrying a few extra pounds as that is the honest truth. If that's not what they are looking for then they can carry on.

I've joined Badoo tonight just to see if there are any new faces as i just see the same ones over and over.

haven't messaged mr 4amguy and he hasn't messaged me, I'm waiting to see if he will make contact the next few days, if not then I'm calling it a day with him.

And just as an additional rant, why do they message you when they live hundreds of miles away?? Why do they think I can meet them and start a relationship that way??? I want someone close by so I can pop in for a coffee/sex on the way back from work lol.

Oh what a rollercoaster OLD is!!

I've been seeing someone around 5/6 weeks, I asked if he was dating/chatting to others, he said no. He said he was enjoying what was happening between us.

Then he slowly goes a bit distant, when I questioned it he said he was super busy at work.

The last few days he's seemed really attentive and keen again to which I thought yay this is good.

Then.....I have come across across a 2nd OLD profile of his on the same site. His old one he said he'd forgotten the login but clearly today after a few beers out with mates he's now got another profile which is current!!

I've questioned him on it and he's said it was after a few beers chatting to the lads and it pretty much set it self up!!

Now I'm no fool and don't like where this is going! I've been cheated on in the past and clearly still have insecurity issues from my ex who left me pregnant. But this to me is screaming a red flag! Do you agree?

I accept we're not exclusive but the feeling of he's actively setting up another online dating profile means he's looking for something better than me and that hurts.

What do others think?

I'm half inclined to call it a day saying I don't think we're after the same things. However that would be a shame but I thought dating was meant to be fun and I'm currently not having much fun!

Had my second date... I'm feeling a bit meh!

He spoke (alot) about wine! I mean I have said previously I don't really drink wine so I don't know much about it. But no, all about wine flavours with food, subscriptions...

Don't get me wrong hes pleasant man, however with the lack of texting as well, would you go for a 3rd date

Also no mention of back to his or mine and one peck on the lips....

I don’t think I would go for a 3rd date, @WaitingforMrHardy. Boring me senseless on a topic I’d said I wasn’t interested in is not a hugely desirable trait.

That’s such a shame @Whoknows11. I think I’d look at it as an enjoyable few weeks but not going anywhere. Setting up a new profile does feel quite different to just keeping up with an existing one. It feels sneakier - and that’s not going to work for you. And it’s really easy to retrieve forgotten login details, which adds to the feeling that (for whatever reason) he’s not being entirely truthful.

@twicemagic thanks for your opinion. I'm worried I'm over thinking it all and being a bit ott however it doesn't sit easy with me.

Yes I was swiping to find his new profile but I think swiping when you're bored is different to setting up a new profile.

He's told me there is nothing in it and I don't need to worry!!

I agree with TwiceMagic, it does seem sneakier so I would call it a day if it were me.

Can anyone that uses Badoo tell me why on 2 of my photos I have smiley emojis??

Thanks @scotgal2017

I bit gutted to be honest and feel life is so much easier being single. I'm 37, raising 2 boys single handedly and can do without this crap!

Its been over a day now since i heard anything from Mr. Sex (thats his name now) Pretty sure im being ghosted, but wont call it to early!

I am chatting to someone else on Tinder, only have been for the past 2 days, already asking to meet up this evening? Think its abit to soon for me, would rather get to know him more!

who knows sounds like a classic "always looking for the next thing" kind of man

It's the lying that would bother me; you're both adults, why not just say that his profiles are still active. Then you can make the choice on what you do next

They say when a man tells you who he is... listen

Hello...found you all again. had a really nice first date last night but I am doing my usual thing of now finding it hard because I might actually like him! Urgh.... I am much better at cynical disdain 😆

Another two hour phone call last night, we are both a bit nervous about tonight but also excited. I have a good feeling but also being reserved as I have been in this place before and then....nada. We have decided on a nice local pub together (we live close which is nice). Will aim to do a loo update.

Also spent the morning doing some stalking and found pictures of his ex partner (recently came out of long relationship). She looks very different from me and not what I expected so feeling more confident about the way I look now (sorry didn't mean for that to sound bitchy).

Bought some new jeans yesterday so plan is lovely dark jeans, boots, and a top that covers stomach and bum and is a little bit revealing around the boob area! Styled my hair last night to my 6 year olds approval. Just need to trim very bushy eyebrows and pluck a rogue hair from my chin (the joys of ageing).

My mother is babysitting and staying in house tonight....this means I could potentially stay the night....

Just checking in (had to search for the thread as it’s been a while), have been taking a bit of a break but kept my profile on POF, all going well apart from needing the itch scratched ,I am still getting a few messages on POF but most people live too far away or are not my type, I really don’t want to travel far during the winter. I have a couple irons but they are both a bit flakey.

Sorry to hear that whoknows. Why can't people just be honest?! I would just way back a bit. Let him come to you if he really wants to. Like you say it's not so much that he's on there but the way he went about it :(

Well Mr Disappearing and me have had lovely chats all week. Every day, really fun. Day before we are due to meet every time something happens. He gets nervous, I get jumpy about him potentially not turning up and last night I said something that he read the wrong way (reading it back now I can see why he misread it). I apologised but he didn't want to talk about it and said we would speak today and....nothing yet. Still early so he may come round but I'm not hopeful. Sigh.

On one hand he is so sensitive I wonder whether this could ever work, on the other hand I do love that he's such a gentle man.

waiting I probably wouldn't do a 3rd date tbh - I think giving something 2 chances is normally enough (though sometimes I have given it 3 but you do sound like you've made your mind up already). Sometimes writing it on here helps doesn't it!

@whoknows11 - I would say, this early on, get rid of him. He is showing you who he really is. He's testing your boundaries and seeing what you are prepared to put up with. Is this what you really want from a relationship? (i get the feeling from your post it isn't btw).

What you choose to put up with this early on will become a problem later down the line 100%. Its a shame when you have invested a lot of time and effort in getting to know someone.

I'm 35, single mum - i felt initially that i would never meet anyone but now i am holding out for the right one... kissed a fair few frogs and strange mutant creatures in between but i live in hope that the right one is worth holding out for.

Know what you want, set your standard and then anyone who isn't meeting that don't even entertain it. Trust is the absolute basis for any relationship and without it you are on a highway to nowhere.

My prescription for today is a 30 minute binge watch of any of the following on YouTube: Matthew Hussey, Amy Young or Dalexis from Mindful Attraction 2.0. - the advice they have is spot on.

Know your worth and then add tax darling x

who knows that really is shit. Especially if things have been going so well. I really don't know what i'd do but have the chat to see if you're both on the same page.
Mr rugby who I got chatting to on fri eve has asked to meet tonight. I'd much rather meet quickly than messaging for weeks. I said I would get back to him,but at the mo i'm off men a bit and if we do,can it just be as friends.
He must think i'm a right fruitloop but has said ok. I think i'm just a bit scared? scared of getting hurt and commitment. yet I want a relationship. I think I will meet him for a quick drink and pull myself together.

Morning all! I'm not sure about my date with Mr Music tonight but he's booked stuff so won't bale. It's his messaging, I don't like it. I feel like he's talking to a mate not a potential girlfriend. He's quite crude. I can take a bit of banter but I think he's read it the wrong way. Will see what tonight brings.

Lovely evening with teacher lady, lots of kisses in the car when I dropped her off at home, tee total last night after too many on Friday night with my mate who introduced me to one of his ex girlfriends who is an absolute stunner and we hit it off, she has a lot of financial problems which I've been through in the past so Im helping her out with my contacts who sorted me out, meeting her again on Thursday, Im off to Cardiff today delivering a customers household effects from store

@removalizer, did I read that correctly? You're considering going out with a friend's ex? And what about last night's date? Is it actually a relationship you're after, or a harem?

@RollsEyes it's a matter of choosing the right one for me I've jumped in so many times in the past and made the wrong decisions, I also find that I have to take my chances otherwise I end up weeks without female company which is essential to my happiness, I couldn't handle a harem

@VixenSixen what a great line, know your value and add tax!!!

I'm a single mum with two babies so definitely thinking I'll be single forever whilst holding out for someone decent. No irons at all, but taking a mini break from OLD in the sense I'm not manically checking any sites each day. Am meeting Mr12Step as friends though not sure I can stomach heading about all his successes with OLD whilst mine is like a desert. That said I really want to have a nice night out and this was my only real option so hey ho!

I have a bad feeling about today's date. We are supposed to be meeting lunch time'ish, actual time to be decided this morning.

He was working yesterday in a town 4 hrs drive away. What's capped me this morning and said he'd hardly slept. I what's apped him back 5 mins later but it's 2 hrs and I can see it hasn't been read.

I hope I'm wrong

@Eesha - I cant actually take the credit for this one but it's one of those ones I saw on Pinterest and it's totally stuck in my head.

@IndieTara - I think with a date. If a guy hasn't made a firm plan with you 48hrs before you are due to meet I would say to him, when he does get in touch, well you never got in touch so I made other plans. Simple.

Don't be at the mercy of someone else - even if you don't have any 'plan' to do anything else. Do you really want a man to decide a couple of hours before you're due to meet whether he is going to grace you this his presence?

indie I hate dates where it is all decided on the day. Fingers crossed he comes through.

Ha! You are youngsters and have loads of time. I'm 45 and starting to feel I'll be single forever too! Weird thing is that this is the longest time I've been single my whole life...

Mr Disappearing has on cue remembered he's got something to do today and might see me later. I knew last night had freaked him out. Even worse we can't have a conversation about it. My only hesitation is I told him I was off all the dating sites. I need to get back on them to get him out of my head but do feel I should tell him even though I don't owe him that. 2 days ago he was talking about how he wanted to move in (!) even though i know it's ridiculous.