Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

daffo, its good to be aware isn't it! Maybe I need to acknowledge that I am not ready for a relationship. I've been telling myself that I will know when I meet the right one. But maybe its me that's the issue! This thread is great for chatting about this stuff! Thankyou for the support :-).

wishy, totally agree. I've gone from steady marriage to rollercoaster dating. There must be some middle ground.

I do think that unless there is something major going on in your life or you really know you don't want a relationship (which some people genuinely don't), then most people are actually ready for a relationship at any point

when men turn around and say they don't want one, I suspect it's a kinder way of saying 'you're actually just not right for me' and I suspect we mean the same thing.

I thought I maybe didn't want a relationship but I realise now, having taken a few weeks off OLD, that I was just totally disillusioned with the process. I do want one, I just want one with the right person and I was attracting (for whatever reason) a lot of the wrong ones!

Update - told Mr Spoon that I need to postpone (lied about work which is partially true), however, have now offered that slot (as babysitting sorted) to Mr C who needs to check babysitting but is open and excited about that timing. To answer pp yes he had already booked in a date for tuesday so Mr C was two days after Mr Spoon, gosh what a tangled web we weave. But honestly I feel so much better now, I need to see Mr C before to get the itch out e.g, is chemistry from phone call and chats there....I feel good about my decision. I have not been nasty but as we all know, we don't owe anyone anything until it actually happens, just to be respectful and not hurt peoples feelings.

@giggleshizz good for you!
Fingers crossed for Mr C ☺️
Can I ask why he's called Mr Spoon? 😂

@giggleshizz I love the name MrSpoon - please do tell!

Mr spoon and I have discussed the merits of spooning:) looks like we are on for wed night and Mr C is now Sunday. I swapped them

giggle, I'm loving your style with the date switching. Done with panache and swift work!

daffo sounds like we have had similar dating experiences! I think I am actually ready for a relationship too, I'm pretty switched on I think!

Thanks for the advice everyone. I've been working myself up all day... Do I or don't I have the convo... I don't want to push him away but then again I need to know he's actually still interested in a relationship with me! I'll ask if I'm going to see him this weekend, if no then I'll go down the talk route.

pushreset, good plan, hope it goes well either way

Thanks @coolcahuna I hope it does...

Help everyone - I need to get out of this and let Mr5Kids down gently...

@midcenturylegs why??

soooo my second date went well, still felt a spark and ended up back to mine haha!! we both definitely want to see each other again which is fab. This won't be however until next Sunday due to his work schedule/having his son etc - I don't feel crap about this i am hoping it will just make me more excited to see him! hopefully we will still chat loads.

Still trying to not get to attached and hopeful but it's so hard not too when it's going well!!

Are you still on your date, @midcenturylegs? Do you have the urge to climb out of the toilet window?

Downloaded bumble earlier. Then got a message from that man. Deleted bumble.

I can't do this.

push Good luck, do what's right for you.

I have left, I just said that I didn't think it would work between us, def no spark for me (but there was from him). His mannerisms were so annoying.
Feel like an absolute total bitch. :-(

@midcenturylegs oh no sorry to hear that!!

Sometimes the person behind the screen just doesn't live up to expectations in real life

Onwards and upwards ☺️

@midcenturylegs Please, please don't feel bad! You talked, you met, you didn't feel a spark. Really, it's no more complicated than that. You were honest and let him down gently. That leaves him free to continue looking. I'm sure those of us who have been led on for weeks and eventually dropped/ghosted would have much preferred to know sooner that the other party wasn't interested so we could have pursued other options

You can't make yourself fancy someone, @midcenturylegs. (Although dating would be so much easier if you could .)

@wishywashy6 definitely a lesson in meet quickly, decide early on etc. So much banter, but I think he was the one that was really invested in this. I feel terrible for him.

I do have a date Sunday with MrCreative (can't remember what I've called him earlier).. for now going to go home, have a bath, try to not feel so guilty...

@midcenturylegs there's really nothing you can do if you don't feel it, don't feel bad! You've done nothing wrong

You can’t help it if there was no attraction (and annoying mannerisms, which are unlikely to become less so) @midcenturylegs. The whole point of a first OLD date is to see if it is worth proceeding further with someone you haven’t yet met. It didn’t work out this time. It’s unfortunate that he felt differently, but no one is under any obligation to like or fancy anyone else.

Glad you’ve figured out what you want @DaffoDeffo. Having a different attitude to it might change the kind of men you attract.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh you have to make the first move with Bumble and message the man. So presumably you've contacted him

Great news Apparently. Love to hear stories of people finding that spark.

Midcentury hope you are feeling a little better. Not your fault you didn't feel a connection. Am curious as to what the mannerisms were