Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I’d leave it rich. You’ve asked if she wants to meet. Let her reply.

Leave it for now rich, but if you did actually like her then there's nothing stopping you sending a light-hearted reminder when she gets back - if you prepare yourself for her not answering, of course (this is where that thick, leathery skin of Rule 2 helps!)

@removalizer, last time i met/chatted to a guy in a pub/club I married the fucking arse, I was 17 and a half when we met so have not had the luxury of many ONS......I did have a ONS with a guy before i met STBXH that which was nice (7 times in one night!!). Don;t think i could do ONS now I'm pushing 40.

Thanks for all the encouragement about taking a step back, I've given my head a wobble and readjusted my focus to my life being happy and great the way it is and the right man will slot right in alongside me ;) ..... Can't find who it was but no haven't asked Mr4amguy on a date, that will rather depend on developments now.

Do have one guy who moved to WA with me yesterday, he's quite funny, have seen a photo, not sure if he's my type (mind you, I don't know what my type is after being with 1 guy for so long) so that may be something pending lol.

@jesuispriest, so happy for you and Mr.Abs!

On a side note, had words from MrCheekybanter this morning as I told him why I ended it. i said i didn't even know your last name, he argues he told me the first time we met in person (I'm usually 95% at remembering things and I'm quite sure I would have remembered so I think it's BS). Anyway, he's said his piece, I've said mine and it's put to bed.

I'm off to book somewhere rural and quiet for 4 days just after Xmas, will be kid free and wangled space at boarding jkennels for the mutts so i can spend some much needed quality time with me!!

Date number 2 tonight...wish me luck everyone!! I'm so excited, we've been very flirty over txt it may end up steamy haha!!

I can only speak for myself, but when I like someone, I let them know. I mean no point them questioning it and looking for someone else.

In saying that, I echo what everyone else has said rich and leave it. If she's interested she will be in touch

good luck apparently

I don't mind ONS but I just wouldn't go out and pick people up that way and because it doesn't really happen any more, I'd be very suspicious of someone trying it!

there were 2 people I slept with on 1st dates, one I never saw again, the other I'm still in contact with

and the one I never saw again was the most amazing sex ever. And he agreed. But he wasn't over his ex so wasn't in the right place for anything sadly! .

scot I live your outlook,you ooze positivity

love lol

Thanks guys, will wait until she gets back now :)

Glad things are going well @JeSuisPrest. It is amazing when it just feels easy and straightforward. That’s how it has felt right from the start with my boyfriend. Even the pre-meeting messaging felt easy rather than angst-ridden. It sort of feels like he’s the right ‘fit’ for me, if that makes sense. At this point, sometimes life makes things less straightforward (we’ve both got kids, busy jobs, etc) but it still feels straightforward to sort out with him and I have no anxiety about how he feels or what’s happening with us.

I guess alongside the ‘spark’ thing (which I think in my case is a feeling of actual connection mixed up with some level of desire - a mix of hormones and feeling ‘right’), my take away from OLD was that relationships are not supposed to be horribly hard at the start. So if I’m getting anxious about someone’s messaging (or lack thereof) or I feel that a date was just hard work, then it’s unlikely to go anywhere or be right for me. That is a lot easier to say in hindsight than to recognise it in the middle of the swiping and messaging and trying to arrange dates.

Maybe I was just not enormously patient with the whole thing. In general I can assess whether things are for me quite quickly, and where I didn’t just go with those conclusions and tried messaging anyway, it was more or less disastrous. 😆

And I’m in the no coffee dates camp. They just didn’t work for me. But I would imagine that they do work better for some people, and those people probably need to be dating other coffee date people rather than me. My successful first OLD date was a Sunday night, but we ended up out til pretty late anyway. I was on annual leave but I think he had to struggle through work the next day.

I’m liking that @shitwithsugaron has a date currently in progress. Hope it goes well with MrTall.

@TwiceMagic that's exactly how I felt about my BF during the messaging stage too, by the time our first date came round I felt like I was meeting up with an old friend in a way! At the time I told myself I was being stupid and getting carried away but now I think you do just 'know' when something feels right.

I don't think it necessarily means you have to fall head over heels in love and plan a future with them from day 1, I just mean right for you at the time if that makes sense

@wishywashy6 & @TwiceMagic Yep. I'm just sat here nodding at everything you're both saying. We'll see what the next few dates bring. I'm fully aware that anyone can put on a front for a while, and I am very guilty of trying to see the best in people and give the benefit of the doubt. He has been very honest about his previous relationships and the reasons they broke down and I'm not picking up any major red flags.

I'll report back tomorrow with an update - I'm hoping we have one of those long and deep midnight until 4am conversations - I love those and think they reveal a lot about a person (will make a change from doing it on WhatsApp at least )

@shitwithsugaron Hoping your date went well and there's no need for a chocolate orange...

@user thanks I try my best but have wobbles. I have to turn it around after many, many years in a negative, toxic marriage.

@shit, yes i did read you had a date, sorry forgot to include a good luck in my last post.

@apparently good luck with your date today too!

@JeSuisPrest absolutely! I think as long as you keep a check on yourself it's nice to just enjoy the simplicity of someone genuine who isn't playing games.
I love those conversations ☺️

Oof that's disappointing shit! Bad teeth and verbally incontinent. Hmm sounds like most of the dates I've been on (the exception being one guy who had nice teeth but still yakked for England).

Oh no shit. At least he was lovely even if there was no spark, so not a completely awful time. I agree on the teeth, I'd find it hard to overlook a really bad set of gnashers, but I don't mind "quirky" teeth - I think Ricky Gervais has got an amazing smile and he's definately not got the regulation Hollywood pearly whites.

I feel like rubbish today, my own fault really. Met up with the man im dating last night, dtd again. Im really worried he's just in it for the sex. Messaged me last night asking im home okay. Never heard anything since. I really want to know where he thinks this is going and if this is just a quick fuck for him.
I like him, but im not attached yet. But would prefer to know where he thinks it's going. I dont want to end up hurt too far down the line! Is 3 dates in to soon to ask how he's feeling? Will i come across needy/keen? Argh, my heads a mess!

Beentrying sorry you feel low. Why do you think it's just sex? Is he usually in more contact? How is he when he is with you? Did you talk about meeting up again?

Loving the 'chocolate orange' as code for a crap date.

Not a bad afternoon's work chatted up 3 girls at a conference, mental health girl text saying she's had enough of life and on the wine, nympho girl text me that I'm 6th in line for the kitchen table and teacher lady text she can't find the bubble bath for my bad back phew !!

Im not sure why i think its just about sex really. We're both in our late 20's, so that the sort of ''done'' thing. We usually text throughout the day, even when he's working. Just todays the day ive not heard a thing! He's lovely when im with him, affectionate, caring and seems interested in me. Never mentioned meeting up again, he's busy with work now so would meet up when he's next off.
To take my mind of it, ive swiped a few people on Tinder and chatting away to them. Dont want to put all my eggs in one basket!

@removalizer have you been drinking?