Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

well done jesuis that's wonderful!

I'm not back on the sites yet but I'm not too bothered though it would alleviate my lack of men boredom. I was thinking about going back on but then I realised I don't even have a free evening for the next 2 weeks so there's not much point!

Mr Disappearing is up to his old tricks. We are really in a funny place where he worries it is all about the sex but then only sets up dates where all we do is have sex. I said fine then let's go for dinner and he says 'let's do that' but never sets anything up! I have backed off completely now and won't message him and I'll see if he comes back. He wanted to see me on Sunday (this Sunday) but hasn't set anything up. I can't decide whether to delete him again or just tolerate his unreliability for the sake of a shag and try and put wanting a relationship out of my mind. As someone once said to me, FWB when you have feelings for them is hard. And he insists he has feelings for me but I am not convinced. I am getting the feeling that he's someone who really doesn't walk his talk.

Mr Friday Night is being lovely but I know he just wants sex and a cuddle which is fine as I don't think I could do a relationship with him!

I feel like going back on the sites just to meet someone who is relationship potential but I'll try and hold on a few more weeks (and I haven't had any photos done!)

Jesuis this is great news! Its amazing to know that it is possible too yay! @daffo, you mind find it gets easier with MrDisappearing if you change how you think about him. I had this with my FWB where he was mucking me about a bit. I know it has no long term legs, so I don't arrange anything around him. If I'm free and he is great. I'm direct and I let him know my free evenings, book one in or you lose your chance. He's actually told me that he really likes it as there is no game playing and he knows if he doesn't organise it, I will do something else. Only took me 2 years to get there mind LOL.

MrMusic has sorted out our date on Aunday, he seems straight forward, this could be interesting. I'm still chatting to MrEx, i doubt anything will come of it but I've been pretty clear in terms of where I am at with him so who knows. Feeling alot calmer about it since he came back on the scene at the weekend, really gave me a massive shock.

How many of you have been chatted up by a guy in a pub or public place and if so did you have sex straight after ?

Just saw your update Jesuit you seem so happy. Lovely when you connect and the other person feels the same. It just cuts out all the BS!!! Delighted for you that things are going well

@removalizer been chatted up countless times by guys in bars etc but if I'm out with my friends I've no interest in getting chatted up by men or sex with anyone. Chicks before dicks and all that.

Removalist, you are basically asking who has had a one night stand after a night out?

I've never been chatted up by a guy in a pub or public place and I couldn't imagine having sex on a first date, let alone a non-date

@scots

I'm also new to OLD after a marriage then a long relationship.

It's the angst that gets me, why aren't they texting? I wonder if they think about me etc...

I can imagine that seasoned daters don't want to over-invest (it's one of the rules after all)

Maybe frosty is more cautious. Mr E. seems keen to see me again on Saturday, even happy to bring the date forward. But if I based it on texts alone, I would think he wasn't that interested at all.

I know that for me I will find it hard, because I'm a natural worrier and fairly glued to my phone.. also an ex-people pleaser and always text back ASAP.

Sorry I'm rabbiting... I guess what I'm saying that no contact is not always bad, you just have to find a way to deal with it when you are ready

Have you asked Mr4am on a date?

I've met guys in nightclubs and gone back for a ONS.....in my 20s!! Wouldn't dream of doing it now (in my 40s).

What I have done is chatted lots and lots to someone via phone and whatsapp and felt I really got to know them, gone on a date and then had sex. Not often but it's happened.

Different from pulling in pub and going home with someone IMO. As pp said, that's a non date.

Also renamed Mr Block to Mr snapped and blocked. Means I can laugh at it, already he's fading and I have two dates lined up next week!

@giggleshizz same for me now. Late teens yes, but for me now at 36, sex is boring unless I have a mental connection with them too. I'd rather go DIY than pull a random 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thanks for the input ladies I'll scrap that idea then 🙄

@removalizer yes do

@shitwithsugaron Good luck with MrTall today, that sounds like a lovely date. 6ft 7, swooooon.....

I have a date with Mr spoon on Sunday. Tall and lovely and a real gentleman. Just enough flirt to keep me interested but not OTT (we've discussed the merits of spooning though).

Struggling with Mr stalker though. He admits to being shy and like I said definitely notice in the way he expresses himself he may be on the spectrum. Very sweet and handsome and obviously intelligent and taking a huge interest in me which is lovely but I do worry he may get a bit too intense. Also can't engage him in any flirty banter which I struggle with.

I have to be honest, neither of them are giving me the wow factor at the moment but I'll go on both dates and see. If only for the chance to get dolled up!

giggleshiz like you I can't imagine having a ONS in my 40s. I don't drink anymore, which I'm sure played a big role in some of my encounters when younger! Oh the horror of having one now

ONS made me feel like shit in my teens and 20s. Can't imagine having one now as I associate them with complete lack of self-respect. DIY would be infinitely preferable, at least I love myself even if no-one else loves me!

MovemberBlues I totally agree re self respect. I cringe when I think of some of my encounters in my 20s and 30s, fuelled by wanting love. Loving yourself must come first. I make far better decisions with matters of the heart these days

@MovemberBlues @HereIgoagainxx
I'd love to say my reasons were as deep but it's more that I just really can't be arsed with men on a night out these days 😆
I did some wild and crazy stuff in my late teens but I don't cringe at it or regret it, i either laugh hysterically or smile fondly at the memories. It was fun at the time and I suppose made me who I am today. Definitely been there/ done that/ got the t-shirt/ doesn't need to be repeated 😂

Have fun with MrTall shit.

Wish I could say I can look back at my ONS and laugh at the memories but sadly I'm far too old to actually remember any details lol! I do remember just waking up one day and saying to myself: right, I'm done with that. Maybe it's something you just grow out of, who knows

I went on a date on Tuesday evening, seemed to go well and it was only one drink so nothing too intense. She messaged me afterwards to thank me for a lovely evening and to let me know she got home ok.

I messaged back saying I had a nice time too and to let me know if she wanted to do it again when she got back from her holiday (she goes away for a week tomorrow).

She didn’t reply. Is it worth me messaging her tomorrow or at some point to say I hope she has a nice time or something along those lines? Or should I just leave it now?

@richdeniro I'd leave it. The ball is in her court. She could text you when she gets back as there's no point organising before she goes

@richdeniro I'd probably leave it now, the ball is in her court!