Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I wonder if the end of the year is a particularly bad time for OLD as everyone cries off til the new year.

@TwiceMagic I found it amusing more than anything to be honest, the stuff some of them came up with was hilarious. I remember one funny looking creature in a green hat said "who's going to date a single mum like you anyway" when I politely declined his first offer of a date and then he asked me out again 3 days later 🤔

But you're so right, nobody is obliged to like anyone and it's important to remember that

I agree with the poker comments, thy guy who finished with me today I never felt quire comfortable texting - he wasn't a great communicator and would randomly end convos or write texts after 3 days silence that were total non sequiters. I really should have woken up and smelt thy coffee.

What's smarting now is that he had the power and did the dumping and he's just toddled back to his single batchelor kid free, self employed life that he hardly had to disrupt to see me after I've spent the best part of 10+ weeks frantically fitting him in around my manic schedule with the kids, my sport etc. Just the fitting him in ate up head space.... Grrr.

Quick tips for how to stop obsessing at this stage please.

@coldlocation so you don't like 3 days silence ? I knew I was going wrong somewhere

Define spark or chemistry?
What if you are not yourself or trying too hard on first date. Or shy and nervous
Or just going through the motions
Also drinking a little alcohol versus non at all.
I think it's more to do with your own mood.
Obv some people are quite rude and just as soon as you meet you can tell they don't like you.

Twice yes, it was lesson learned. On three of the other four first dates I've had via OLD (things didn't last with the first guy) I've gone in for a serious snog at the end to test the spark thing. I've just had one first date where a snog and a spark were never going to happen - he had no teeth

@unique1986 I have to pump myself up with music and affirmations before a date to get in the right mood

removalizer If this guy was thinking with his dick at least I'd be getting some action by now 😁

@likeridingabike 😂😂😂

@unique1986 I can't really define it, I just made choices based on what I was presented with and how I felt. It's true I may have missed out on some growers, I'll maybe never know, but I have limited time as it is so I wasn't prepared to keep seeing someone 'just in case' on that basis. There had to be something that made me want to see them again.

unique yes first dates are all about your own mood, and nerves etc can kill off spark very easily. It's not for everyone, but I find first dates involving at least some alcohol are way more successful than tea-drinking sessions.

Spark is a physical buzz (for me).

removalizer not sure about getting pumped up for a date, more like calmed down? It's not a competition

@MovemberBlues I think it's important to show that your enthusiastic and excited to be there, pumping yourself up does this, now you wouldn't want a disinterested boring old f..t would you ?

Did something really stupid today. I had some news and sent a message to the nice man who just wanted to be friends to tell him. He said it was nice to hear from me and asked a couple,of questions, which I answered. Then he went quiet and now I'm back to waiting to hear from him. I still like him.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh why did you think it was stupid ?

removalizer I just assume the guy is there voluntarily and therefore enthusiastic, I don't need him bouncing off the walls. What I want is to get to know the real him. Because I want him to accept the real me.

@MovemberBlues all well and good but first impressions count, once you're attracted your halfway there

coldlocation sorry to hear what happened. He sounds like someone who gets carried away initially, with the excitement of dating someone new. Then when that initial excitement starts to wear off, he gets itchy feet and starts looking elsewhere.
Keep busy, look after yourself. If you can face OLD at the moment, try chatting to someone else. But don't dwell on the time and effort you put into making it work. Think about the good bits.

First dates are hard work sometimes but I have to feel some sort of connection with my date. Otherwise I know it's unlikely to grow on a second or third date.
I'm still friends with some guys I've had a first date with but I couldn't be in a relationship with them (or even shag them ) - just not the right one for me.

If you're on Instagram, take a look at 'you're not entitled'. Some horrible, rude and nasty comments from men when women say no, thanks.

My current iron is doing all the right things at the moment. Regular messages. Asking questions about me. Telling me more about him. Lots to talk about. No mushy or sexy stuff. So far it feels good. Just wish our diaries were better aligned so we can meet earlier than next week.

@removalizer because I really like him and I thought he really liked me. Then decided he wanted to be friends and that hurt. It still hurts.

Thinking about the chemistry/spark thing and thinking back to the few dates that did lead to a second date or more, they were usually Friday or Saturday night dates. I wonder if it helps the fact that you are more likely to be more relaxed, more likely to drink more due not too worried about waking up late the next day with a hangover and that type of thing?

For me midweek dates usually differ in that they consist of a couple of drinks and then heading home by 8-9pm at the latest as you're always conscious about getting up for work the next day.

removalizer I guess. What makes a good first impression on one person though may put another one off. That's why it's important to get some idea of someone from messaging first, then to just be yourself as far as you can be on the date. If you're a boring old fart it will become apparent at some stage anyway, so might as well be open about it!

@richdeniro I drank too much on a second Friday date, big mistake, never did it again

@Leighhalfpennysthigh I really feel for you there, same happened to me with a lady

A lady who I have been seeing as a friend just messaged me when were dancing again, I told her I had feelings for her, her reply was oh well that's my dancing days over, I'm not in a position for anything else,

And the beat goes on

Well I've done the deed, I've no idea where we go from here, but I've left the option of keeping in touch as friends, balls in his court. I'm disappointed but not as upset as I expected to be.

I just had to do a thanks but no thanks message to a guy I was supposed to have a date with this weekend but it never happened....

He sent me a passive aggressive message earlier "you seem to be drifting away" - we last spoke on Monday by message.... Followed by "shall we just leave it?". Both of which messages were deleted by the time I opened up the message in WA (I'D already seen them flash up)

You see id already had my reservations over the weekend a few things he had said which had made me a little cautious.

Now he's been incredibly cagey and accusatory after I said it's probably best we just left it as I didn't really have the head space at the moment and I wished him the best.

Bullet dodged there I think - amazing how quickly people show thier true colours so rapidly!

Crazy cat lady starter kit is currently being despatched to my house 😂