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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support for Spook 3

413 replies

ponygirl · 28/08/2004 21:33

Here it is!

OP posts:
Beccarollover · 11/09/2004 11:23

Hugs hun - you know where I am if you want a cube of cheese and pineapple on a cocktail stick :D

spook · 11/09/2004 11:26

Thanks Becca. Feel like I am going out of my mind this morning.DS2 is screaming the house down and I feel like I cuold just snap at any minute.

popsycal · 11/09/2004 11:27

hi spook
when are we going to meet up again!
i have a screaming boy here too - although he is having a nap at the moment thank god

can you get out witht he boys today somewhere?

suzywong · 11/09/2004 11:27

I aim to please, Spook

spook · 11/09/2004 11:36

I.AM.GOING.TO.KILL.MY.4.YEAR.OLD. (or myself)

EvesMama · 11/09/2004 23:00

im new, but just reading your thread..hope you and your little boy are friends again?xx

spook · 12/09/2004 09:11

Oh hi evesmama. Yes-we are thanks! Yesterday was a bad day. I have got a stinking cold and sure it didn't help. I took them out to run around and play. I read my thread back last night and felt terrible. The boys are my whole life-but-he really was working his ticket yesterday morning! I am fed up of seeing him sink his teeth into his big brother!
I have asked their dad to take them for the night tonight so I can get some rest. I must I must I must go to bed early!
Welcome to MN XXXX

JuniperDewdrop · 12/09/2004 09:16

Oh spook I have one of the same. My DS who's 4 scratches his brother who's 7. DS2 had to go to school looking like freddy kruger had been at him!! I think we've cracked it now as he hasn't been scratched for a few days.
If you're ever passing darlo you should pop in with the boys and they could swap war wound stories (and the little one's tactics! )

anorak · 12/09/2004 09:23

show me a parent who hasn't ever been exasperated with their child and I'll show you either a liar or someone with nursemaids and nannies left right and centre

Have a better day today spook!

spook · 12/09/2004 09:24

Oh Juniperdewdrop. I have to make sure my 4 yr olds fingernails are cut to the quick otherwise my porr 7 year old is shredded. Is it illegal to file teeth down or is that just dogs??! I didn't realise you were in Darlo. I would love to come down and see you and your gorgeous boys.We could put them all in a room together and see who comes off worse. (I reckon it will be the 7 yr olds)

spook · 12/09/2004 09:26

Hi Anorak. I'll try honey. Long walk on the beach,Lemsip and hot water bottle I reckon. Mind you-still have 50 zillion name tags to sew. Something to look forward to eh!! Lots of love. How are you all? XXXXXX

anorak · 13/09/2004 08:59

I forgot all about name tags until I read your post - so I did them yesterday afternoon. DS's first day at nursery today...aaah! Had another little cry after I sewed them on.

How're you doing? What's new in the world of spook?

spook · 13/09/2004 09:25

Hi Anorak.Nothing much new in the world of Spook. I finally talked to my friend F again last night. Been putting off speaking to her all week. Couldn't quite face it. She's very concerned about our friendship. To be perfectly honest, none of it has quite sunk in yet. I just haven't got room in my head for the fact that he slept with someone so long ago. It's like a drop in the ocean compared to what he's put me through the last 8 months.
You know what the pathetic thing is Anorak? I STILL want him back. Is there nothing this man can throw at me that will cure my broken heart??! I am so achingly lonely for him.
Not had any contact with him, other than texts about boys since I found out but still living in this little dream world that he may come back to me. F went to see white witch tarot woman last week to ask about me and our friendship etc. She said I would get divorced and go to London. It knocked me for six. Not what I wanted to hear! She also said I was in a very bad place at the moment but life would get better. (so tell me something I don't know!!)
Also in a quandry about the house. Do I sit tight and get all this work done to get more money or do I sell up and ship out? It's so scary. Ofcourse herre's me thinking if I sit tight and do the house up it gives him longer to come to his sesnses. God-what planet am I on Anorak!!!I need a good slap.
Sorry you asked now Big hugs{{{{}}}}

spook · 13/09/2004 09:27

Hope DS1 was Ok at nursery? He'll absolutely love it! Give him a kiss from me.

JuniperDewdrop · 13/09/2004 09:51

anorak, hope it goes well for ds today (or u more to the point!)

spook, you're more than welcome to pop in anytime. I keep saying ds1 is 7 but it's not 'til October. That's because he tells everyone he is lol,mind you he acts like an old man. I can't believe the difference in their personalities though. DS1 is gentle and DS2 is more of a rough and tumble boy. He's calmed down a lot thank goodness.

Do you believe in tarot cards? I used to have readings years ago and they were spookily accurate. One guy told me the total truth about my ex and I thought he was talking rubbish but everything came true. Glad it did now but at the time I was in denial. To be honest I think it's best to try to heal yourself as whatever tarot readers etc. say it's going to hurt.

spook · 13/09/2004 09:55

Hi Juniper...I did believe in them but I don't now!! Never had them done though. How can a white witch in London know what my future holds? How can anyone know what my future holds? I wish someone would come along and say "right THIS is what you have to do and THIS is what is going to happen" I feel like I am floating around with no purpose other than to love and cherish my boys. I suppose that's all I need at the moment. The rest is fate.

taramac · 13/09/2004 09:57

Spook I have no direct experience of your situation other than my parents relationship. I don't think you will stop wanting him to come back for a while - even when you are making plans for the rest of your life that you can't quite believe you are going to have to complete. You have 2 wonderful ds's and you sound stronger than I think you realise. I think there will come a time when one day the pain is a little bit less and the wanting is not so hard to live with.

I honestly don't know how you are coping but you are and I for one think you are doing amazingly well. The process of grief is a process and unfortunately it takes as long as it takes especially when things keep getting thrown in your face and you can't move on without dealing with them.

Keep talking on here - you seem to have some really good friends and what will be will be.

spook · 13/09/2004 10:02

Oh hi Taramac and thanks. I don't ever ever think I won't want him back. Even when I live in my new house and new life in London. He is my soulmate. But I know it will hurt less and less. It already does. I'm just really lonely. I do feel like I am moaning an awful lot and feeling sorry for myself but Mumsnet is just an outlet. I am actually quite a nice person I promise!!
Thanks for your support honey.

taramac · 13/09/2004 10:09

Spook I don't think you are moaning AT ALL! Every day I wonder how you do it - I find it hard enough with 2 ds's and I have a partner and I am not on the emotional rollercoaster you are on. You are an inspiration (if thats not too gushing) and I don't think you give yourself enough credit for what you are doing every day.

Believe me in the future your 2 ds's will soooo appreciate what you did for them - and I am talking from direct experience.

I know he is your soul mate but I hope that sometime in the future you meet someone who can put a smile back on your face!

spook · 13/09/2004 10:17

You have made me cry. Thankyou for such kind words x x x x x x

JuniperDewdrop · 13/09/2004 10:18

Tarmac, you're right it is like grief. In fact it's worse than them dying as you're in limbo.

anorak · 13/09/2004 10:40

Hi again. So sorry you are down in the dumps. I can't advise you on the quandary as to whether to do up the house or cut and run. It really does depend on whether you think you can handle being there much longer.

House prices have plateaued out now, and may fall in the next few months, that's a reason to cut and run but it's all guesswork. And you may need more time to come to terms with what happened with F before you launch into a new life with her.

I so often wish you were nearer so you could come round and have a big coffee or hot chocolate and sit on my sofa with me and have a big rambling talk about it all.

FWIW I think it is a credit to you that you still care for your h. It shows your depth of character, that you mean what you say and cannot just stop loving someone you are committed to. I just want the next person you love to be someone deserving.

aloha · 13/09/2004 10:50

Personally, I'd tidy and clean and repair any serious/obvious defects and sell and move on. If you really want to do lots of building work/diy, buy a house that needs it and make your money there. Building work is, IMO, horrible, hard to live with, depressing and always takes much longer and costs a lot more than you think. To go through all that and not even enjoy the results would, I think, be grim.

Blu · 13/09/2004 11:01

Hi Spook - how is the little one settling into his new school?
I'm not surprised you're still down, or that you still love him and want him back - none of this happened because you were losing you love for him, he just cut across your path, leaving you to deal with it.

I had been wondering how you were feeling about F, your friendship, the fact that he betrayed you so long ago, but as Anorak says, it's not something you can assimilate and understand in one fell swoop. In any case, what were you thnking of as a timescale? Moving the boys at the end of the current school year?

What kind of work is it that needs doing on the house? Would it disrupt you horribly, or could you get it done without too much hassle?

Thinking of you. XXX

spook · 13/09/2004 11:16

Hi guys. My baby is over the moon with school thanks. There's only 10 in his class with 2 teachers so he gets lots of love and attention. We are very very lucky. Although he is very tired as his behaviour this weekend showed!
I just don't know about the house. I feel I really need to talk to DH about it but am just not strong enough. So much has gone unsaid-we haven't communicated about the whole F thing and unless he can tell me something I want to hear (ie. I love you can I come home) then any contact with him will kill me all over again. Yes Alohe-you're right. It would be an incredible amount of disruption and hell to live with for the benefit of someone else. A friend has just calle dme and suggetsed I move out of here and rent somewhere with the boys and let him move in and deal with all the work. Not a bad idea really. As for timescales I haven't got a bloody clue. I am scared stiff of everything my future holds.
Anorak-I wish I were nearer too. Though as I'm sure Beccarollover will tell you-you would soon get fed up of the needy heartbroken friend around the corner texting you every second of the day!!!