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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support for Spook 3

413 replies

ponygirl · 28/08/2004 21:33

Here it is!

OP posts:
anorak · 13/09/2004 11:20

We'd never get fed up with you spook! My husband and children idolise you and I quite like you myself

spook · 13/09/2004 11:29

Oh OK. Make me a Zombie then.

anorak · 13/09/2004 11:30

We made a jug of Zombies on Saturday night when my friend Anne popped in . I thought of you.

spook · 13/09/2004 12:27

Just had an e-mail. He signed the divorce papers today. Help.

Blu · 13/09/2004 12:31

Another dream life-line gone, Spook? Sorry. I am sure each step is one you hope he will not take. It must be a horrible process - so sorry, there's no way for it not to be horrible and painful at each and every step, is there?

spook · 13/09/2004 12:37

Oh God Blu. Please help me.

spook · 13/09/2004 12:44

Should I e-mail him and tell him I love him?? Please? I don't have anyhting to lose now do I????

spook · 13/09/2004 12:45

Please-anyone? Help.

taramac · 13/09/2004 12:51

Spook - if I was you I probably would email him but I don't know if thats ok for you. He knows you still love him. I feel for you so much and I wish he would knock his brains back into his head and come home.

soapbox · 13/09/2004 12:52

Spook - don't! You do have something to lose - your dignity. You've given him every possible chance to change his mind and he heasn't.

TBH it seems to me that the only thing that gets any reaction from him at all is when you do your own thing and tell him of things you are planning to do with your life that don;t involve him. Therefore if you want to text anything to him, I think you would be better saying, 'That's great - its good to know that I can get on and start planning for a life after you'!

Stay positive and stay cheerful - you are so nearly out of the woods, although I realise it doesn't feel like that yet. One day very soon you will be telling us that you feel really really lonely, but you realise it isn;t him specifically you want but just someone who makes you feel special.

TBH I think after his latest revelation you probably wouldn't have much of a future together anyway. You would always be suspicious, always watching out for the next affair! That's no wya to live your life now, is it?????!!!

Love and hugs Jxx

JuniperDewdrop · 13/09/2004 12:54

spook, please don't email him honey. I'm gutted for you and it's hard to know what to say. Did you think he wouldn't sign?
Is there anywhere you can go right now? Ring someone who can be with you immediately.

JoBurger · 13/09/2004 12:55

Oh Spook - you must feel terrible today. There must be so many emotions for you to struggle with. For me, the day the papers were signed was a day to grieve (and get horribly drunk to numb the pain); it finally brought things home that there was to be no reconciliation - it was all so final. Until that day I had half expected him to come back. I felt I had fallen so far that there was nowhere to fall; my nadir. The only way really was 'up'for me after that. The conclusiveness did help in a bizarre way: I had to move on.

Thinking of you.

Lots of virtual hugs to you.

JB

Blu · 13/09/2004 12:56

Spook - in all honesty? If I was you, I would e mail or call him and spill out my heart and tell him that depite everything, despite the hurt and the anger and the damage, what you still find in your heart every day is that you love him and you want him to rip up the papers and come home.

I would do it because i wouldn't want the naggling worry that i had let my chance slip away. And i would do it because i would want to know that he did it because HE was willing to do it.

BUT, and this is a big but, sweet spook, I would do it with a dead weight in my heart that he would still go ahead and do it.

I think there is nothing to lose, I think that it's all very welll being strong and aloof when faced with someone's ongoing bad behaviour, but there is no point in pretending you want this to happen if you don't. That is my honest reaction.

taramac · 13/09/2004 13:02

ditto Blu - no point living with any "what ifs ..."

biketastic · 13/09/2004 13:04

hey spook,
I have just stumbled here and have read some of the stuff you have been going through. Don't email him, I think he knows you love him..he just doesn't know what he wants to do about it.
It will put you back a bit to e mail him. You'll end up wishing you hadn't and then get annoyed with yourself
I do know what I am talking about, sadly have sat up late talking into ansaphones and making a complete arse of myself too pften!
Go out for a quick walk. kick a metaphorical cat and throw a packet of crisps at the wall till all the crsips are in pieces. Just don't email him....
x

spook · 13/09/2004 13:13

Sorry biketastic. Too late! Have just mailed him. I know it is probably stupid and wrong and won't get me anywhere at all. It's over-thats plain. But I just can't roll over and die. (though that's exactly what I feel like doing) I have never felt so scared in my entire life.

Batters · 13/09/2004 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 13/09/2004 13:24

Spook, whatever may or may not be the 'right tactic', there are times when it would be inhuman for us to do anything other than express what we feel. if I was in your shoes, this would be one of those times.

You have no reason to fear that your pride is damaged since you have done nothing to be ashamed of. if he tries to belittle your feelings, THAT is the time to let it wash over you. That would be a measure of his behaviour, not yours.

Horrible, horrible day.

spook · 13/09/2004 13:27

He has not responded. I guess that says it all really. Yep. What a day. This will certainly be up there on my shit list. Am listening to Bad by U2 very very loud.

fabarooney · 13/09/2004 13:31

You are v. brave, Spook and a lot more generous to your x2b than I would be in the same circumstances. If you really think that you can put this behind you, I'm all for you giving him one last chance to come home. Just make sure that this IS his last chance and that he KNOWS this is his last chance. If he chooses to come back, wonderful. If he chooses not to come back, accept that it is over and create a life for yourself without him in it. You need to take care of you.

spook · 13/09/2004 13:33

Thanks fabarooney. He won't be coming home. I think we all know that.

soapbox · 13/09/2004 13:37

Oh Spook - your last post has me in tears!

You poor thing - what an awful day! I really am so sorry for you - I really am

anorak · 13/09/2004 13:38

I guess you had to follow your heart, spook. If he doesn't want to respond then he is throwing away something beautiful. One day he will realise. But by then you will have another rainbow to chase, one with proper happiness at the end of it, I hope. Stupid man.

Blu · 13/09/2004 13:40

Can't suggest anything at all Spook - If it was me I'd just keep U2 on v loud, hurl myself on the sofa and let myself be hysterical, do some irrational things like eat bad mad food, and then when i felt all numbed out, I'd do something constructive and distracting.

Sorry, nothing much can be said, can it? I hope numbness sets in soon. XXXXXXXX

fabarooney · 13/09/2004 13:40

Big hugs, Spook. {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}

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