Support for Spook 3

[ponygirl]

Here it is!

Huh! That message is totally insincere! 'Ruined everything for everyone'...that's exactly what he set out to do, he even said so himself. Clearly he is confident that he has managed to acheive his goal of coming between you and your friend. DO NOT HAVE IT!!!

Give yourself some time to get used to what you now know and then resume your plans with your friend. Real heartfelt forgiveness will follow hot on the heels of your decision and intent to forgive her. She very obviously cares about you far far more than he does and sounds very regretful about her one mistake. H on the other hand is a spiteful bully who is trying to arrange you all like pawns into a pattern designed purely for his own benefit. What a manipulator! Without a care for the fact that this is your one and only life, and your sons' one and only childhood, he simply decides how he can best place you to suit his own comfort and then gets on with the business of twisting your emotions, using anything at his disposal. JUST DON'T HAVE IT ANY MORE SPOOK!

I've been toyed with by expert control freaks and manipulative bullies in the past and I can spot one a mile off. Don't give credence to another word this bullying man says to you. Every single word is designed to weaken your confidence and get you to do what he wants.

I'm boiling with anger on your behalf. That text message has just done it for me!

oh spook - does he seriously think that an apology like that will let him off the hook and make you feel sorry for him. He has deliberately acted with vicious cruelty towards you recently. i agree with beetroot - ignore him

Oh anorak. You are so right. That message just left me cold. I very very much doubt it but I really hope he is feeling genuine remorse. But I think if he is it's for the loss of his friendship with F rather than the way he's destroying me.

Thanks Mummytosteven. I fully intend to. He can just FUCK OFF.

It was no apology. It was crowing about how clever he is to upset all your plans. It'll wipe the smile off his face when he finds out that actually, he hasn't.

What a total hypocrite he is. He's not a bit sorry. He's glad - and so smug - 'ruined everything for everyone' my arse. No, matey, just for yourself. Spook and her boys will be just fine!

Hi Spook.
Oh, what a horrible roller coaster of a weekend. I have been thinking of you.

I agree - real apologies do not take place from the 'safe distance' of a text - that's meaningless cowardice!

Look, you don't actually have to continue doing 'active thinking' about your plans at the moment. FWIW, I was really, really heartened to see that you were able to communicate with your friend about what happened. She didn't deny it. She presumably returned your call straight away, she had it out with him straight away. She gave you a real apology and a real explanantion. Everything that your ex did not. Of course none of that means that you can just assimilate the new info, hey ho hunky dory. But you can spend time absorbing it and asking more questions (of yourself and of her) about how you feel. As you say, the financial settlement is going to take a while, anyway.
Try not to think of it in terms of 'he's won' but of 'what you want for you, yourself' - and if you want yor friend, for your sake and because it remains a valuable friendship, then keep it.

Meanwhile pink agas, choc biscuits, yoga, walks, shop, MN,meet people every day for lunch, make a creative pastime from distraction....

XXXXXXXXXX

How are you doing?

Hi Blu. OK thanks-though am shaking like a leaf this second! Not sure why. But-have just got back. Left house with boys early this morning coz DH meeting estate agent here for valuation-get it on the market. A million quid!!If we spend 110k n it they reckon we'll easily get 1.25 million. There was a note waiting for me from DH telling me this. It also said....."the fog seems to be lifting for me and all I can see is the pain and suffering and sadness I have caused. I am so sorry.X"
AT LAST!!! He is actually admitting that he has been in a fog (roughly translated as sad bastard twat mid-life crisis self deluded arsehole fog)
Anyway-good news on the house front anyway

Hi, Spook, not sure what to say re the message - rather similar to something my h sent me not too long ago. Anyway, hope you are feeling a bit better and can resolve your feelings re your friend. Hope the sun is shining where you are and the boys are well.

spook - make him work a damn sight harder before you readmit him to the human race!! you've been in a bit of a fog yourself but have never done anything as wicked as what he did to you over the weekend. saying i am sorry just isn't enough. and he seems awfully keen to dwell on how powerful he still is, and how just a word from him can ruin things for you.

Spook, hardly surprising you're shaking - there's been plenty to rock your world. It must be jolting to actually have an estate agent come, and to have Him in the house. Good news about the valuation - that should set you up nicely!

Spook, I am constantly amazed by your x2b's manipulation and am so sorry that he's been making you feel miserable.

Sounds to me like he is trying to be nicey-nicey again because he knows that it will be a lot easier to get what he wants re: the settlement, you moving and access / custody of the boys if he keeps you dangling and making your decisions based on the love that was between you. Don't fall for it! He knows that a focused, pissed-off Spook will be much harder to manipulate.

Pity (for him) that he dropped the act in the email. He is trying to put a wedge between you and your support network. You have a vision of how you want to move on and he doesn't like the direction in which it is going so he's doing his best to wreck it. He doesn't seem to care how this will impact you, your boys or your friend. FWIW, I know she did a terrible thing but she sounds as though she regrets it deeply. He was crowing about it. Don't let the bastard win! Take care.

Do you think it possible that it's finally dawned on him now how PISSED OFF you are?

A million squiddelys! Your share of that should set you up nicely in precious things

My DS1 had a couple of hours with his dad this afternoon. He was getting in the bath and said "Why do I always feel sad when I've been with daddy?" Ooh-it makes me so cross. My baby starts school tomorrow. What a huge huge day. My youngest child is growing up and where is his daddy??
I will really miss them. 10 weeks with my little side-kicks.
As for him-he's stil of work apparentley-sick. racked with guilt more like. As I said to Beccarollover-I hope Florence Cuntingdale is mopping his balding brow but I doubt it somehow. (language spook )

How did it go? Dropping the little one off for his first day?

How's it going spook?

i have been lurking on this thread for a long time but havn;t posted before, but Spook i just wanted to say that I think you are amazing and that your ex-h really doesn't deserve someone like you. he has been such an ar$ehole and still is. i can't believe all the carp that he spouts, especially recently.

i wish i was closer to you so that i could help/support you in some way - but i'm 5000 odd miles away. sending big inter-continental hugs anyway {{{hug}}}

oops obviously that should have read "crap" and not carp - though that could be amusing. must learn to check for typos

Hi everyone. How nice to read your post sarahu. Thanks. Haven't really been posting much. Feel a bit of a sham when I see what essbees going through. But-thanks for asking all of you. I'm absolutely fine. Boys back at school-life having some semblance of normality and the sun is shining! I have had no contact with twat face so feeling stronger. Just in bit of a quandry what to do on the house front. Do all the work and get more money or sell up and ship out. Every penny is going to count from now on. Anyway-my problem. But yes-I'm doing great.THANKYOU {{{{{{{}}}}}}}

Spook, it's good to see you're doing just fine.

Just wanted to say that I had the same quandry with the sale of my marital home a few years back: 'should I stay or should I go'. My then ex2b wanted as much money for our house as possible and, therefore, we agreed to complete building works (an extension) with me living there, before putting the place up for sale.

As time went by I realised I just needed to get out - for my own sanity. I thought I wanted to stay there (it was a beautiful home and I have never lived anywhere like it since!) despite everything that had happened there. The day the packers came, I cried my heart out; I was grieving, not for the home but for what could have been I suppose.

But, a day later, in my new place I felt somehow as if a huge burden had been taken from me; I started to be me again. Despite my initial feelings of not wanting to leave, the whole process was liberating.

I'm not suggesting this is what you should do: just letting you know that it can be for the best. Good luck with whatever you decide.

JBx

Hi Spook - just checking in on you! Glad to hear you sounding more positive. Onwards and upwards... xx

I am feeling really really down in the dumps today. Sometimes it just hits you how bloody lonely you are.I just don't want to do it all on my own anymore. I miss my DH so so much believe it or not!

Although the effin swear thread has just cheered me up "the man the boat" PMSL